Thursday, July 10, 2008 by
Author
Kittens, we have a confession to make. We kind of didn't like ANY of the hairstyles last night, winning or losing entries. Of course part of that is due to this:
GAAHH! It's like an army of Cousin Itts. Or Crystal Gayle impersonators.
We're with Lady Bird. There's no excuse for ass-length (let alone floor-length) hair. Oh, and Lady Bird? 1996 called. They want their crucifix back.
And then when Jaclyn told them that they couldn't cut so much as an inch of it...well, Meredith summed it up best.
"Oh, my god, is that my stomach or is that my heart?"
I'm sorry. GROSS.
Sorry, Nekisa. From where we were sitting, the loser could have been chosen by coin toss (the winner too), and unfortunately, they settled on you.
You know how the terms "bridal" and "prom queen" kept getting thrown around last night? Well this is the slutty prom queen after a night of rolling around in various back seats. Honestly, we don't even GET what she was going for there.
And this:
...was the winner? Really?
First off, those "pearls" look like they came out of a vending machine. Secondly, can anyone really see much of a difference in quality between this and Nekisa's 'do?
"This reminds me, my wife has hair too!"
Good lord, if we'd known he was gonna be like this we would've started a drinking game before he left. We get it, Matthew. You're straight. No one cares.
As for the elimination challenge...
Feh. Not the most exciting one we've seen.
"Dresses remind me of my wife. Did I tell you about her?"
Rene has HAD it with the wife talk.
Y'know, nothing can compare to Tim Gunn, but there's something refreshing about a reality show mentor who's an unrepentant bitch.
Well, congratulations again, Charlie.
We kind of hated it.
There's nothing wrong with it per se, it's just that it's so DONE. We've seen this on a million red carpets and for us, it sums up why "red carpet" is so boring. That whole "princess" "old Hollywood glamor" bit is so played out at this point.
Still, it's a reality competition and we can't blame anyone for playing it safe.
Sayonara, Matthew's wife's husband.
Can't say we didn't see this one coming.
He hit the trifecta of boring, badly executed and borderline ugly.
"Losing reminds me of my wife."
Who thinks that the second he got home, Mrs. Matthew was all "You LOST?! You IDIOT!!!" We picture a lot of thrown vases.
So yeah, the episode was boring, EXCEPT
These two bitches clearly HATED each other and that, darlings, that was DELICIOUS.
"Do you hear what Lips is saying over here, Biggest Loser chick? Bitch has no taste."
"Well, I see no need to be nasty about it, chubs."
"I think the collagen has worked its way up to your brain, blondie."
More to come, poodles!
[Photos: Bravotv.com - Screencaps: Tomandlorenzo.blogpost.com]
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82 comments:
For more of "Straight Boy for Life", see Matthew's exit interview. Sheesh!
But the bitchfest at judging definitely saved the show. There either needs to be a lot more of that or this season could be a real snoozer. And didn't anybody call and want their nose rings back?
You guys weren't the only ones a bit disappointed with the challenges. You're right: Red Carpet = safe & boring. Blech. Although I was a bit worried when Nicole was in bottom 3. Let's hope it's just a misstep.
Otherwise, I'm like Meredith more and more as a contestant. Especially her parting comment about Matt's wife.
Was straight boy too insecure around the 'mo's, or just incapable of being his own person without the wife-unit? Hmm.
Ladybird, Ladybird, TMI on your reactions to celebs.
And the bitchery at the judging WAS delicious! I was waiting for a total girl-fight.
And finally:"Y'know, nothing can compare to Tim Gunn, but there's something refreshing about a reality show mentor who's an unrepentant bitch."
In addition to his nice pecs this season, yet another reason to love Rene. I think he may be tired of Charley-poo too....
Awaiting more fabulous bitchery from you two!
All that "I love my wife" stuff is one of two things: either he's totally insecure and thinking she's schtupping the shampooer, or he had a thing with one of the production assistants and it's preemptive damage control. Seeing as how Rene was barking at him to keep his hands off the wigstands last week, I'm betting on #2.
That Lips vs Hips thing was hilarious. Apparently, Hips won.
I get the funny feeling that Matthew's wife wears the pants in that family.
Meredith for the win; she certainly gave Ladybird a run for the comedic money on last night's episode.
Also, you could practically see Gail do little pirouettes of glee in her head as she was called to the top three; in my opinion, she should have won but it was such a lackluster field...
I was totally underwhelmed by this episode from the hair standpoint.
So glad Matthew and his wife are gone. I wonder how he got through the psych evaluation. He really annoyed me and creeped me out.
Straight guys. God.
Somewhere yesterday I saw a promo for Top Design. If SG doesn't cut it we can look forward to a retooled, we can only hope, TD.
the 1st challenge i thought they would be cutting that god awful long hair to be given away to the chairty (cant remember the name). the red carpert, well i thought it was me cause i didnt care for any of the styles.
cant help it, love daniel & meredith is a hoot.
glad matthew is gone. whatever!
Thank you TLo - we can count on you to enliven any episode!
Between Matthew's dependence on wifey-poo and
Daniel's comment on wetting his pants,
this show was too creepy for me
Till TLo that is ...
well i'm guessing that me falling asleep last night was a fair trade off, considering what i'm hearing/reading. I'm sure I will catch a rerun to catch up. I thought Bravo was supposed to have up'd the anties for this season??? WTF...The only up that i've seen so far is the blindfold/cartoon episode one. Hell bring on T-n-T for another re-challenge for viewers sake. I know that Tab's wiped the floor w/him in Orlando last June; with Vidal judging. Bring back one more challenge we need some entertaining!
"Locks of Love" is the charity that one can donate their hair to, to make wigs for children undergoing chemo. Every one of those cave women last night should have donated their mops.
Last night's show was a real yawner, I fell asleep a half hour into it. BUT happy to know the nutcase "I'M STRAIGHT, DO YA HEAR? I LOVE MY WIFE, DO YA HEAR??", Matthew is gone. Let's hope next week's show at least keeps me up another 15 minutes or so.
----StkrShock
Last night's show was incredibly boring. However, Lady Bird does crack me up. I wanted to die when he was all "I peed my pants a little bit when I saw them. I wouldn't be able to stand a celebrity."
Kim Vo and the other judge were the stars of the night, definitely.
And WTF with long hair like that? It makes a woman look old, and it screams "INSECURITY!" My heart went out to Meredith. I can see why she was pissed that she didn't win. She had the hardest job and made it look the best she could.
I'm so glad Matthew is gone.
We want Tabatha, we want Tabatha! Aug. 21st Tabatha's Salon Takeover ignites the tube with sheer delight of bitchy domination! Whip them into shape my dear!
Ugh, where to start...
re: Lady Bird's crucifix: "La Croix. Baby Spew! La Croix. Baby Spew!"
Will Ferrell is gone, Will Ferrell is gone, thank gawd a'mighty Will Ferrell is gone! I was starting to think that the wife not only wore the pants in the family, but also cut the hair in the family...
Not much to say about the rest of the ep as it was kind of blah, except that I need to make an animated av of Nikesa blowing her brains out after Charlie was crowned the winner. Best 3 seconds of the whole show!
Regarding Matthew: Strong women generally marry weak(er) men.
This most certainly is the case here.
He's not half as happy about his quick departure as I am.
re: Uncle Vanya and the Nikesa-brain-spew motion.
I have the feeling that there wouldn't be too much spewing out of her head if that actually happened. Probably be more of a weak ooze or a slight drip.
Now that Matt and his pathetic chest thumping is no more, I am ready for Nekisa to be the next to go, despite the fact that it would deprive Dee of her eye candy.
~Zombiebirdhouse
What the hell was up with all the wife stuff with Matthew? Does the guy have marital issues? Does his "perfect 10" wife have a constant need for reassurance? That guy came off as totally emasculated. You're right. There should have been a drinking game every time he mentined his wife. Sooo glad he's gone.
I also didn't like any of the hairstyles last night, and Charlie is REALLY starting to get on my nerves. But, I have to say, Ladybird is becoming a real favorite here. Love his reactions and comments!
@petunia's mom:
I also didn't like any of the hairstyles last night, and Charlie is REALLY starting to get on my nerves.
I'm surprised to say that Charlie is starting to grow on me. Or at least, I'm resigned to the fact that we're going to see him for the rest of the season, so we might as well try to start finding him amusing...
Kim Vo's face scares me.
I'm so glad Matthew is gone. What an asshole!
Make sure you hold on to that wife of yours. She's probably the only one who's willing to put up with you.
I am starting to love Meredith. Her bitchiness is coming out and, it's a beautiful thing.
I loved Meredith last night, she's funny. Great recaps, kittens!
Ohh Ohh BTW kittens....in June @ the Stylist Choice Awards 08 our Fav. Biotch Tabatha, Daisy & nekisa presented an award together. The SG prompt..haha, anyway it looked as if Tabatha wanted to knock out Nekisa! She was just obsurd and totally full of herself; and no one knew who in the hell she was and was making a complete ass out of her mouth. And now her skills are ass. HaHa
Obviously Tabatha was truely annoyed with her then(taping) and after(awards)
Oh, and joanie, total agreement. Those lips are frightening.
I kind of wish they'd actually kept Matthew on a bit longer just for the biggest straight-guy asshole factor. Oh, well, the episode was rather ho-hum. I'm completely over the whole red-carpet movement and wish they'd put some kind of spin on the challenge, like tranny-midgets (sorry, transgender little people), flamethrowers or something fun. Oh, and ITA, the long hair was shear grossness.
- edina -
I gotta tell you guys, you are the best. I was just informed of a death in the family and am obviously quite upset. So I decide to surf the net a bit to distract myself and stop on your page, like I do everyday.
After reading your take on last night episodes, I remember why I love you so much. No matter how upset I may be, you can always put a smile on my face and make me laugh out loud.
As long as Bravo puts out shows like PR and SG, you better not stop commenting about them. Thank you!
It's like Matthew felt so insecure he had to keep emphasizing how much he is in love with his wife - like what a great person he must be if he has such a great wife.
Dee should have won the Cousin It updo, I liked that japanese flava.
"Do you hear what Lips is saying over here, Biggest Loser chick? Bitch has no taste."
LOL. You could feel the tension.
"what Lips is saying" . . . hahaha!!!! but . . . eeeeewwww. they kind of give me the creeps. i hate to say that, because they're on his face, but . . . are they fake? what is it about his mouth??
okay, i enlarged the 3d photo from the bottom and Lips? well, he looks exactly like this mannequin i saw at Macy's when i went to pick up father's day cologne.
Lady Bird is getting a tiny bit on my nerves. I know, I know...Charlie tries so hard to be the bitch...not funny...Glenn is the real bitch and in the most fabulous way. I'm very disappointed with Nekisa. Honey, If you're going to talk the talk you've got to walk the walk.
i was pretty fond of lady bird until this week. his celebrity-worship kind of makes me want to smack him.
Thanks, TLo...you never fail to make me smile...and I really needed it today! Totally with you on the long hair challenge...and Matthew's wife's husband...spit out my green tea on that one. Thanks, Guys!
Tom
memnochtom@aol.com
This is one great thing about Shear Genius: they always send the right person home even if he or she is a fan favorite. Remember Tabatha?
So who wants to take bets on when Matthew comes out of the closet? He protesteth too much, dears.
barbara! no, no . . . it's a wife, darn you! a wife!! complete with lady parts and everything! WifeWifeWifeWifeWife!!!!!!
Every time Matthew mentioned his wife, I just started singing that Avenue Q song, "If you were gay".
LOVE Meredith. LOVE LOVE LOVE her!!!
bigassbelle said, i was pretty fond of lady bird until this week. his celebrity-worship kind of makes me want to smack him.
What's even more annoying is that the people he worships (and pees his pants over) are phony celebs. Y'know, if Cher showed up and he peed his pants, I'd get it. But a "housewife of Orange County"?????
Get the boy a Depends.
Good, Matthew's gone--I don't know how much longer I would have been able to take all that wife talk. I don't think talking about how much you love your wife a lot makes you emasculated; I just think he was just trying to let us know he was straight. Constantly. Based on PR Keith's similar behavior, I guess that's just how straight dudes are in these kinds of shows.
The elimination challenge was boring and surprisingly twist-free. As soon as I saw the dresses, I hoped their clients would be drag queens. At least it would spice up the boring old red carpet challenge. Come on, Bravo!
And when is Nekisa leaving? She struggles with practically every challenge; she's the Sweet P of Shear Genius, minus the pluck.
Love the captions! The judge catfight was indeed delicious.
Oh my god. Did anybody else thing Charlie's model looked like a really stupid duck? Her head was out so far. God, she was awful.
I think Matthew's wife is a man.
He may be "straight", but I bet he pees sitting down.
I haven't laughed so hard while reading a blog in a while boys! Thanks for your dead on commentary about SG, it has made my day!
I didn't see this episode and it doesn't sound like I missed much. I don't get the point of these challenges where the stylists aren't really able to cut hair. First, it was the Orangeford Wives and now the Crystal Gayliens. Isn't the name of the show SHEAR genius as in scissors? I want to see some snipping along with the sniping.
I think Charlie is going to get on my last nerve pretty quickly. He's already gone through a few of them and it's only 2 weeks in.
Glenn and Meredith = love
Nikisa and Dee = hate
Paulo = the real entertainer of the bunch
The judging was deliciously catty and made the episode. First Kim Vo has to check out the hair, then Mark Townsend had to do the same damn thing? Puhleeze! If that ain't a little "I can sashay my ass better and pretend like I care how I earn this paycheck" I don't know what is. It was goooood.
@anonymous:
Oh my god. Did anybody else thing Charlie's model looked like a really stupid duck? Her head was out so far. God, she was awful.
*slaps forehead* THAT'S who Kim Vo reminds me of! Howard the Duck!
Thank you, this had been bugging me for a while now.
Well- the production team at SG must read TLo because we didn't see much of Rene's tits.
Notice how when he first showed up they shot from his shoulders up, to the stylists, back to his shoulders, and back to the stylists.
If they want the show to be more than people drooling over Rene than they better step up the challenges and show more catty judging. Right now Rene's body is one of the more fascinating parts of the show. *sigh*
All of the elimination hair was kind of icky, although I liked Paulo's because it was different. Charlie's looked just like Christina Aguilara at almost any recent red carpet event.
It would have been a much better long hair challenge if they had to take the hair short and have it fit the client perfectly.
But back to Lips . . .
are they real? Is the face real? Anyone?
Insecure much, Matthew?
Ok, and what is with the Shear Genius Blogs on Bravotv.com? They are really a snoozefest!
Half the fun of Top Chef is reading the blogs that go with it. I love the well written comments from the judges and from the behind the scenes folks like LeeAnn. They shed insight into the technical issues and help to explain their judging process.
(True that Padma gets a pass by doing her blog by webcast...)
But the blogs for this show are close to incoherent! They are frequently done by Q & A, and they are asking each of the judges the same questions, and the answers are remarkably similar...I am guessing that none of them were literature majors, but you think they would be able to address some of the technical issues that the contestants are facing.
Season One Shear Genius- loved it, learned that there is more to the stylist world than I knew.
Season Two- not sure if it is going to hold me.
I guess I must be insane, because I *loved* Paolo's red carpet hair! I thought it went wonderfully with the gown. I couldn't believe it when it ended up in the bottom two.
I'm waiting for the show where Kim "Lips" Vo & Jeff "Liver Lips" Lewis meet, kiss & swallow each other's heads.
So glad "I'm so straight I'm gay" Matthew got cut. Now he can go home to who gave him the original.
I love Lady Bird. Obviously the love child of Divine & Doogy Howser.
Pls let her meet an actual celebrity, not these half assed "realebrities".
That's when body functions generate the most fun.
Was Hips just a guest judge? Can't they make him permanent? This show needs more bitch slappin'.
Has anyone noticed that in the past three weeks, almost EVERY SINGLE winning look and losing look are almost indistinguishable?
I'm starting to hate this show a little bit...without Tabatha it's really boring.
I just love TLo, but my ass-length hair is feeling a tad defensive right now....
mcbrunnhilde
I love Meredith. She's hilarious. As there's no gay men on this show that I feel I want to get naked with, I've defaulted to a hag-crush on Meredith, who -- let's face it -- would be TOTALLY fun to go out with and dish about "Sex & the City" for a few hours over lemontinis.
I just saw a repeat and here's what stood out for me.
1. That red carpet set up in some parking lot with no one around looked so lame. What is this? A local access cable show? Come on, folks. Increase the production budget or stay in the studio. It did fit in with those hand me down prom dresses though.
2) Jaclyn and Mr. Guest Judge were so right about the hairstyle that came in second being dated. I wore those curls as a bridesmaid in 1971.
3) Lady Bird is the highlight of the show. If he leaves, the whole thing will be so boring, my viscera will start snoring. Thank you, Tim, for introducing me to that word.
I think Macasism`s theory #2 hit it on the head. I was wondering why Rene was telling Matthew that last week, and now this week Matthew was declaring his love for his wife just a tad bit too much! And see? They bypassed a perfect moment to really have a Marge Simpson hairdo!
Kzspot
I am laughing so much from your review that I peed my pants a little.
I think the collagen has worked its way up to your brain, blondie-
Thank God I wasn't drinking when I read that, or our computer keyboard would have been destroyed.
TLO, You two are the reasons to watch both PR, and SG!
Lilithcat said:
But a "housewife of Orange County"?????
I know-that is sooo sad. I got up at the crack of dawn to watch Diana and Charles' wedding lo those many years ago (and, to my everlasting shame, baked scones and had tea), but at least that was royalty, and the Brits do pageantry so well.
LadyBird needs to upgrade his choice of "celebs"
Wow. I can feel the long hair hate radiating from you all. As a long haired gal (36 inches and counting) I thought it was refreshing to have the contestants try to style the hair without the easy out of cutting it. Anybody can cut hair, no try to get all of that up and pretty. Apparently it was a true challenge because what I saw was a whole lot of ass. I can get mine up in a elaborate 'do in about 15-20 minutes with four hairsticks...with an entire hour the results from this crew were really quite sad. And I agree with the boringness of red carpet hair. Might be why I actually kinda dug Paolo's. At least it was interesting.
Is it just me or does Paolo look like Sir Didymus from Labyrinth?
Oh, puh-leeeze. I just went from long-enough-to-sit-on-it to shoulderblade-length (I whack it off every few years and donate it to charity). I guess it's practice over the years, but I can do a helluvalot with long (really long) hair.
Losers, losers, losers.
Meredith is quickly becoming my favorite, she is a riot!
bitchybitchybitchy said, I got up at the crack of dawn to watch Diana and Charles' wedding lo those many years ago . .
I was in Wales! Can you imagine watching the wedding of the Prince of Wales in Wales? The inn (The Old Black Lion in Hay-on-Wye) laid on champagne and we had a lovely time!
(We now return you to your previously scheduled topic.)
Is it just me - or was Nekisa's Gold Lame Bolero shrug a bit much
with the green eyeshadow ?
DebraKay
*sobbing*
My hair hangs almost down to my knees...oh, how you would judge me....
:-(
Straight guys. God.
Dont be bitchin on the straight boys.. without them I would never get laid..
Anonymous said...
Straight guys. God.
Dont be bitchin on the straight boys.. without them I would never get laid../
ROFLMAO.
It's official. The ONLY reason to watch is for the TLo take afterward.
These are the WORST "stylists" I have ever seen... and people, I live in Buffalo - not a fashion mecca!
Of course, as great as Jaclyn looks (and she does) - her style is dated too!
Oy! Terrible, terrible, terrible!
(And the "clients" - dear lord, if you must hang on to your ratty hair - please use a humectant!)
LAK
I have to agree that there wasn't much likable in the output of that episode. Charlie's winning do looks like it came from a Gwen Stefani photo shoot circa 2000 or so. Not terrible but.... yawn.
What was with the rest of the contestants? Half the hairstyles looked like someone plunked a Cuisinart upside down on the wigstand's head and turned it on.
My theory about Matthew is that his wife is a dominatrix and he misses her 'tender' ministrations. As Judy Tenuta used to say, "It could happen."
With apologies to Anon. and Torrinpaige, I was once one of these "Cousin It's". Let me tell ya, it was not funny, especially when the hair is thin and limp. Unless one has a deft hand at updos or french-braiding, it looks like Janis Joplin at best. . . That not-so-fresh feeling. . .
And as for Matthew: when a man is properly pussy-whipped, he doesn't need to declare it over & over. He just is.
Did we talk about the tiara?? And that was the runner up?? Meredith said something about it being trashy prom queen. Honey, not even. That was a member of the homecoming queen's court, who was so jealous of the actual queen that she blew the entire football team and then threw up case of beer on her front lawn.
And Mark Townsend looks like Jared from the Subway commercials. I kept expecting him to hold up a hoagie for the camera.
No way in hell did Charlie deserve that win. Glen was robbed! Robbed, I tells ya!
I really thought Dee was going to be the problem and constantly mention her girlfriend. What a refreshing surprise to find she's more interested in the other contestants.
If we had to endure this bad challenge just to get rid of Matthew, well, then it was worth it.
I know it's totaly cliche at this point, but your recaps are far more exciting than the show so far, although the two bitches at judging did liven up the proceedings! I couldn't wait to hear what you had to say about the unending I love my wife comments.
oh bitchy, I got up at 3:00 am to watch Charles and Diana's wedding too, videotaped all 95 hours of it and watched it again more than once. I didn't bake scones, but I did drink tea, which I hate, and then in the spirit of SG, I will confess, I ran out and got a Princess Di haircut.
Eric: If we had to endure this bad challenge just to get rid of Matthew, well, then it was worth it.
Okay. Good point. I started to wonder if he was pulling a Norman Bates regarding his wife. Did they ever have a shot of her or a phone call from her to him? Makes you wonder...
Yay!! lynette!! You go girl!
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