Yes, it's Fiddler on the Roof!Sort of.
You see, neither of us had ever seen this movie and when it came time to pick a flick for our next entry, because it's such a classic and because we can half-sing at least 3 of the songs already, we figured it would be a fun choice.
About 40 minutes into it, the expectant smiles on our faces began to fade a little and about 2 hours into it (with more than an hour to go), the look on our faces was more akin to one of horror.
Now don't get us wrong, it's a wonderful film. Really it is. And the songs are rich and intricate and beautiful and they mesh perfectly with the fantastic performances (especially Topol's) and gorgeous cinematography. So, what was the problem?
Honeys, this was quite possibly the least gay musical ever committed to film.
There is nothing campy about this film. No Ann Miller shaking the blues away, no Judy in a shitty dress, no big production numbers, no Gene Kelly's ass, and not a feather or sequin to be found anywhere. And (sorry Paul Michael Glaser fans) not one hot man to look at. Sure, Motel's a big girl who seemed more excited at the prospect of owning a sewing machine than actually bedding Tzeitel, but even he couldn't give us the big gay fix we needed.
Then there's the subject matter. Are we, a couple of GoyBoys, really going to make jokes about pogroms and forced evacuations? Really? We're bitchy, but we're not that bitchy. And even if we were that bitchy, there's not a lot of material there from which to craft laugh-out-loud jokes, not to our eyes anyway. We'll leave the pogrom jokes to the Jackies and Sheckies of the world.
Not that this was a depressing film by any means. There's certainly plenty of light-hearted moments and humor to go along with the fantastic songs and somehow, it even manages to make an ending that by all rights should be wrist-slittingly depressing into something a little uplifting. If you haven't seen it, we recommend it . We just can't find a way to make fun of it without being assholes about it.
So. Fiddler on the Roof. Great story, fantastic, hummable songs, many of which have become such an integral part of pop culture that you'll be surprised how many of the lyrics you already know, beautiful cinematography, terrific performances. Unfortunately, it's just about the most heterosexual musical ever made. If you came here for screencaps and bitchery, you'll have to be satisfied with song clips instead.
Next week, since we're starving for some feathers and sequins, we think it's about time we dove into the Fred and Ginger pool, don't you?
[Photo: Imdb.com]
60 comments:
Aw. Honestly, thank you - I'm having a bad morning in what's going to be an even worse day, and while I do love me some bitchery, seeing you two rip apart Fiddler just might've made me burst into tears.
So, thanks. You made my day a little brighter. :) Now I just have to get through the rest of it.
I can completely agree. This show has way too much integrity to be bitched at. This show is basically my grandfather's life in Poland before he came to the US. It's something I identify with very strongly.
HOWEVER if you DO want something to bitch about. Bitch about the Fierstien/O'Donell Broadway production. I saw that and it was the biggest waste of money and time EVER!! Oh god did it suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!! I swear to you, two queers mangling "Sunrise Sunset" just ripped my soul in two!
I will be happy to take credit for planting Fred and Ginger in your fabulous brains, since I tried last week. The closet cases, the feathers, The Continental, I just can't wait!!
Ah, Fiddler on the Roof. Sweet, sweet, SWEET, sentimental, sappy Fiddler on the Roof. Snark at your own risk, for sure, because this show is inviolate, notwithstanding its sweet, sweet, SWEET, sentimental, sappy look at bigotry, poverty and rigid social systems based on a Biblical patriarchy. How we love it!
I played Golde (the mother) in high school. They made me wear a fat suit. Good times....
Boys...I'm a little disappointed in you. Don't rip it to pieces, sure, but there's plenty here to take a god-hearted, affectionate poke at.
I saw this as a sing-along at a Jewish film festival in San Jose. Some queen in the organizing commitee must have been to the Castro-theater's Sound of Music sing-alongs in SF. Not such a good time was had by all. The movie just goes on forever, they should have aborted 2 daughters and the movie could have come in at around 2 hrs. I agree with you that you can't make fun of it.
Seriously, Fiddler is the least gay musical ever. Aw, I can just see your expectant smiles fading! (No vagina hats!) Too cute.
YAY for Fred and Ginger! I love me some Astaire and Rogers.
Oh yes! Give us some Fred and Ginger, please!!!!
(And I'm still agitating for Mary Poppins - that has lots and lots of fodder for gentle or not-so-gentle fun poking!)
Oh, THANK GOD !!! Fred and Ginger !!! For one terrifying moment, I thought you were going to say "Yentel" and Babs....Whew
I've done Fiddler many times in the past, and yeah... you kind of need to make your own fun with it. Here's a couple I remember:
During the 'A new arrival at Motel & Tzeitel's!' scene (crowd is gathered around oohing and ahhing over what is assumed to be a baby, but revealed to be Motel's new sewing machine), one woman in the chorus would say loudly before the reveal, "It's BLACK! It must weigh 30 pounds! Tzeitel, just look at your stitches!"
At the end when the village is dispersing, we liked to say, "Let us go somewhere where this will never happen again... let's go to Germany!" (sick and wrong, I know)
But how can you say that Starsky wasn't good man candy? He's the only attractive man in the entire flick!
my grandmother refuses to come to my (gay) wedding. my (gay) father is hopeful that she'll "have a fiddler on the roof moment," in his own words.
thanks, fellas. it's nice to be reminded of what family should be.
If Fiddler is the least gay movie musical ever, then I have to have seen the lest Jewish stage production of it ever --- at a community college in eastern Kentucky :)
Next week, since we're starving for some feathers and sequins, we think it's about time we dove into the Fred and Ginger pool, don't you?
Unless I was in a coma for a month or so, I don't believe you've done The Music Man yet. Starring the beyond-fabulous Robert Preston, I would think it would definitely perk up your gayosity vibes.
I'm also remembering some hoot-out-loud scenes from Blake Edwards' "S.O.B." which again features the lovely and vivacious Mr. Preston, as well as a topless Julie Andrews. I aspire towards having a funeral such as the one depicted in this movie. I recommend it to you as a good bitchery fest.
LOVE the review, boys, and generally agree with one exception:
Nothing campy?!
Two words: Fruma Sarah
I so wanted to play that part ;-)
Fred & Ginger! Yay! (finally!) And Edward Everett Horton for the supreme gayness. I can't wait..
Yes, a Fred and Ginger fix may be just what is required here. My God, I desperately wanted to live in the 30's as a kid in 1970's middle america just for the impossibly high ceilings and deco EVERYTHING. Who has hotels rooms like those two did?
Hmm - getting ahead of myself, I guess. I can wait untul next week.
Fiddler. Did have a lovely time once making flat barnyard animals dance out behind a version of "If I were a rich man" during a review, once. Other than that, its just a little somber for me. And Long. Give me Robert Preston and the Music Man any day (ooh - can we even begn with the hats in That one??)
Rambling - sorry.
AES
gacm - I've got you beat for having seen the least Jewish production: a Catholic high school in Montana.
Is the most iconic gay musical of all time -- Wizard of Oz -- to sacred to touch? Or maybe it's just too easy I agree Music Man should be a target of your sharp pen. (Or keyboard?).
Oh, boys. This was an impossible task. Fiddler is indestructible. And the movie version was so reverent and well done (if gloomy and grainy) that it's tough to find fault with it (except for the length - oy!).
The cheerier and more colroful Broadway show ran for 8 years beginning in 1964, and it has had a Broadway revival every decade since (4 revivals and counting). You're right - everyone knows at least some of the songs 'cause they are so much a part of the culture.
The original Broadway cast certainly has some gay camp cred - Zero (Forum, The Producers) Mostel, Bert (Tattletales, Super Password) Convy, Maria (Tessie Tura) Karnilova, Austin (What's UP Doc?) Pendleton, and most importantly, Bea Arthur as Yente the Matchmaker.
And let's not forget that one of the Rivka replacements marked the Broadway debut on a fresh new face named (drum roll) Bette Midler.
And if you want some dish, something interesting happened during the 2004 revival (which opened with Alfred Molina as Tevye; Harvey & Rosie came on board for the second year of the run). The show was cast with Barbara Barrie as Yente the Matchmaker (you know her - she was Brooke Shield's grandmother on "Suddenly Susan" and is a fine character actress & comedienne). Barrie is the widow of Jay Harnick which makes Fiddler's lyricist, Sheldon Harnick, her brother-in-law. Barrie's son, Aaron Harnick, was one of the producer's of the revival. Barrie was dropped during previews and replaced. How'd you like to have to fire your mother or sister-in-law from your Broadway production?
Oh, and Paul Michael Glaser? I picked him over David Soul back when I was 10. Blondes just aren't my thing. Glaser had a nude scene in a TV movie about Harry Houdini back around 1976. I almost fainted when I was watching it.
Screw Fred and Ginger. Please Please Please do Valley of the Dolls. It's got sequines, feathers and Susan Hayward wearing Judy's bad dresses all mixed up with booze, pills, fags and buckets and buckets of mellow-drama. And Production numbers? How 'bout Susan Hayward getting tangled up in a mobile while she sings her way through a seizure or back spasm or something, you don't get any more fabulous than that.
There's always "Yentl," boys!
Boys, you did the right thing. And we love you all the more for it!
And now back to our regularly scheduled program...
I'm with the Music Man fans. Shipoopi please!!!!
And (sorry Paul Michael Glaser fans) not one hot man to look at. >>>
And Kingroper said: But how can you say that Starsky wasn't good man candy? He's the only attractive man in the entire flick!>>>>
I may be a Hutch girl, but no one can strut the most lucious ass God ever created on a white man, like PMG. Man candy indeed! We in the fandom call him, "Pure Sex on Toast".
Not much snark fodder, sure, but maybe you could've created some new lyrics: "If I Were a Gay Man . . ."
Speaking of Yentl, has it ever been released on DVD? Does it ever get played on any of the cable channels? Or is someone keeping it out of circulation?
Bill, if Bert Convy and Bea Arthur aren't enough, a friend of mine saw the show on Broadway in the 60s and showed me her program -- Bette Midler and Adrienne Barbeau played two of the daughters.
I did this show 20 years ago. Community theatre. So few guys auditioned that I would do the bottle dance next to Perchik as a townsperson, run offstage, come back in a different costume and kick him in the stomach as a thug.
I can still feel the pain of having someone rip my beard off for one scene and smack it back on for the next. Since I was also Perchik's understudy, I rewrote "Now I Have Everything" (not in the movie):
"I used to tell myself
I'd play the Perchik role
But that was never quite true.
I had an aim in life
It was the Perchik role
But instead now I have two
I am half of the time a Russian
Half of the time a dancing Jew
So who needs the Perchik role
Don't need the Perchik role.
I've costume changes galore.
Besides the great acting scenes
I know what spirit gum's for."
I'll never do that play again. Four acts? It would've taken less time to walk to Russia. Sheesh.
First of all: good idea to leave this one be. I detest the musical, anyway... that whole Fruma Sara thing is just plain annoying!
Second: Bill, your comments about Paul Michael Glaser were my thoughts exactly. Blondes, not so much. And I, too, swooned over PMG in the Houdini movie.
Last: Fred & Ginger? Ewww. There must be other great musicals to rip at, before you resort to Fred & Ginger. Their films are lovely and fun, but a little ho-hum. (I'm with the "Music Man" folks. Or how about "Oliver?")
Damn right its time for some Fred and Ginger! Please do Swing Time. The plot is insipid and silly (and perfectly suitable for bitchy commentary), but damn those dance numbers are spectacular.
Can I make a request? You said you wouldn't do Xanadu. Pity. But would you consider Grease?
Kudos, guys, for choosing taste over laughs. Yeah, I'm sure some jokes could be made, but the context would've been all wrong. I can even see how making fun of Fiddler on the Roof would've been harder than making fun of Victor/Victoria.
(And I'm still agitating for Mary Poppins - that has lots and lots of fodder for gentle or not-so-gentle fun poking!)
That's so weird because I was coming here today for the purpose of lobbying for Mary Poppins. Aren't Disney "musicals" good enough fodder?! Case in point: Pete's Dragon. It even has Micky Rooney in it!
Anyways, I love me some Ginger and Fred (and if you ever get around to it, Jeanette MacDonald and Nelson Eddy movies). Nelson Eddy was a beautiful man and could've been gaytabulous. If he were, ya know, gay. :))
Do Funny Lady!!!! I adore it but it is probably one of the most unashamed examples of a star's vanity ever captured on film. Along with having the worst ever old-person's makeup, a rip-off of 'Rose's Turn',Omar Sharif with realllllly red eyes,and Fanny's daughter disappearing from the film for 90% of the run-time.Not to mention Roddy McDowell as Bab's bitch. Doooo it!!!
Ooooo Nelson Eddy and Jeanette Mc Donald !?!?!?!
"Oh, Rosemarie I love you, I'm always thinking of you..."
And in a Mountie uniform...swoon...
Sewhat? said...
Ooooo Nelson Eddy and Jeanette McDonald !?!?!?!
"Oh, Rosemarie I love you, I'm always thinking of you..."
And in a Mountie uniform...swoon...
The yodeling gets me every time.
And Maytime. Possibly THE sappiest movie ever. If there's anything that can make me cry more than An Affair to Remember, it's Maytime (and Katharine Hepburn's Spitfire, but for totally different reasons).
I even like the shitacular Girl of the Golden West. I'm loving all the bad accents in this movie. Reminds me when I (a Southern gal from the foothills of Appalachia) went to Boston and tried to talk like a Kennedy.
Ten years later, I think people are still laughing at me.
I hope I have not overlooked this suggestion before: Red Garters.
It is a musical parody of westerns with Rosemary Clooney, Gene Barry and a lot of actors you will recognize. It is silly and fun and I actually love the "set design".
Dive, Darlings, Dive! I definitely think it's time for Fred and Ginger. How 'bout the Gay Divorcee?
How about some of the Hope/Crosby "Road" pictures. They had music in them and some dancing, even if they're not "musicals".
I love this movie; it's in my top 5. I saw a road production with my niece a couple years ago and the stage production was even better. Thank you for treating it with respect!
Now back to our originally scheduled program...
"a couple of GoyBoys"
Now, now boys. I wouldn't say 'goy'. I believe that the politically correct term would be 'semiticly impaired'.
And thanks for not ripping into dear Fiddler. Afterall, our people have suffered enough, what with nearly 2000 years of diaspora, genocide and now Madonna, (oy, don't ask!)
So, while maybe one little vagina babushka couldn't hurt, I'm glad you boys didn't act like cossacks.
--Gotham Tomato
Oh, yes, please do Fred and Ginger. My vote's for Barkley's of Broadway- it's kinda my favorite... although Shall We Dance has a rather blog-worthy plot.
Bill said...
Oh, and Paul Michael Glaser? I picked him over David Soul back when I was 10. Blondes just aren't my thing. Glaser had a nude scene in a TV movie about Harry Houdini back around 1976. I almost fainted when I was watching it.
OMG! ME TOO!
That movie absolutely cemented my undying love for PMG. It is the only time in my life I have been or will ever be jealous of Sally Struthers (played Houdini's wife Bess)!
Emma P.
For another fun, truly ridiculous film, why not try Silk Stockings? Fred Astaire, Cyd Charisse and her legs, playing a straight-laced Communist, and the wonderful Peter Lorre... it's a film worthy of the Gayboy's treatment.
I was in Fiddler a couple years ago, and you're right. It is depressing.
Thanks for the reverent look at one of my faves. Played the screencaps with my daughter and hubby came home to us singing together at the computer. Poor confused man.
Least gay musical ever? Did you skip the "To Life, L'Chaim" scene? Kossacks and Yids dancing (is that what you call it?) together?
Well, I have a little anecdote that may shed a more gay friendly light on the situation . I worked backstage when my college put on a production of this a year or two back. I was the costume bitch and worked in men's wardrobe. The town is small and the amount of people interested in theater even smaller so we had a lot of people playing for both teams, so to speak. I was helping a particularly hot young gent with a quick change where he had to get out of his Jewish garb and into his Russian soldier gear which he was SUPPOSED to have on underneath... instead he dropped his pant and flashed the backstage crew (AKA myself and an old, unflappable British lady) his boxers that had chili peppers and the word "hot" in flaming print all over them... I nearly has a coronary. Luckily we we're somehow able to locate his pants before anyone but our queen of a director could notice. Don't know if that adds any glitter to it, but it certainly makes it hard for me to watch without an occasional smirk.
A thought comes to mind - how many of us have been in 'Fiddler', played in the pit, made costumes, directed, worked the house, built sets . . .
Apparently there are LOADS of us out here!
For gacm & sarah -
The weirdest production I ever saw of Fiddler? A high school production where Tevye's voice hadn't changed all the way - the poor kid kept jumping up an octave whenever it was too low; and the bottle dance scene? Unbelievable - the boys couldn't do the dance, so they did a kick line. And, believe me, this show is long enough with a professional cast - High School? I thought I was going to walk out of there and be able to start collecting my pension!
profp
Well if its all right with everyone here, I'm still going to put a shmata on my head and sing along with the matchmaker song in my living room.
SWJ in the city said...
Well if its all right with everyone here, I'm still going to put a shmata on my head and sing along with the matchmaker song in my living room.
Veronica? Is that you?
Someone mentioned Disney musicals. And I have to throw in a vote for Newsies. It's amazingly mockable and definitly not lacking in gay.
It may be the least gay ever, but in the 2004 Easter Bonnet competition Avenue Q and Fiddler on the Roof did a combined skit "Avenue Jew". Here's one of the songs:
(Rod enters.)
(To the tune of "Matchmaker")
ROD: Matchmaker, matchmaker make me a match
Find me a guy, no foreskin attached
Night after night in the dark I'm alone
So find me a top of my own!
(Mrs. Thistletwat enters.)
MRS. T: Roddy! Oh Roddy!
Have I got a guy for you!
He's wealthy! He's gay! And yes he is a Jew
And he's a nice man, a good man, true?
(Lazar Wolf enters.)
LAZAR: —true.
TEVYE: Lazar Wolf! You're a fageleh?
LAZAR: I'm a lonely man, Tevye.
(Rod Rushes to Lazar)
....
ROD: Wait! Lazar, we must first ask permission to wed.
("Hail to the Chief Plays" and a Dubya puppet enters, flanked by Secret Service.)
ALL: It's the Tsar!
ROD: Tsar Dubya, we beg you to accept us!
DUBYA: No, no, no!
(To the tune of "Tradition")
DUBYA: Amendment!
Marriages must be reserved
For the heteros!
None of the gays can ever be wed
That's what I said
That's what I said
That's what I said
Have you done "Anchors Aweigh" yet? It's got sailors and Gene Kelly dancing with a giant rodent. *Plenty* to rip into.
Yay for not tearing "Fiddler" a new one! One of the only musicals that got a tear out of me (besides Moulin Rouge and Rent, don't judge me).
Kevin: Not to mention Roddy McDowell as Bab's bitch. Doooo it!!!
Gets my vote!
Kevin - http://projectgay.blogspot.com/2007/02/musical-monday-funny-girl.html
And for the least Jewish production of Fiddler on the Roof ever - http://youtube.com/watch?v=eGoRo-nPLOM
"SWJ in the city said...
Well if its all right with everyone here, I'm still going to put a shmata on my head and sing along with the matchmaker song in my living room.
Veronica? Is that you?"
BEST COMMENT EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dearest Gayboys:
Would you consider making November "80's Musical Month"? You could even do Saturday Night Fever even though it was '78. We wouldn't get all nit picky on your asses.
Imagine the possiilities....
Brigadoon, what about Brigadoon! I loved that as a child.
amy j said:
Someone mentioned Disney musicals. And I have to throw in a vote for Newsies. It's amazingly mockable and definitly not lacking in gay.>>>>>
And it includes a young, hot Christian Bale.
'Nough said!
Oh God, please break into the Fred and Ginger films, please, please!!
Sooo many feathers!!
Lady Prisspott said...
Brigadoon, what about Brigadoon! I loved that as a child.
Done:
http://tomandlorenzo.blogspot.com/2007/03/musical-monday-brigadoon.html
I'd like to throw in my vote for Newsies as well... Christian Bale singing (sort of), dancing (kind of), and wearing tight pants... can't go wrong there!
What about the Danny Kaye musicals? Not as much of a cultural touchstone as Fred and Ginger, but still "The flagon with the dragon has the pellet with the poison, but the vessel with the pestle holds the brew that is true."
Please for the love of all that's holy, do Mame at some point. If there was ever a woman that was more drag than a drag queen, it's Bea Arthur.
You guys should do 'Anchors Aweigh' sometime soon. A bit of Gene Kelly's ass never hurt anyone ;)
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