The Wax Museum

Wednesday, August 15, 2007 by
This has been all over the celebrity blogosphere the last couple of days, but we just can't resist a chance to rag on that entitled bitch, Gwyneth Paltrow.

Her latest cover for W:

WHAT. THE. HELL?

Foregoing the fact that she looks like a '70s porn star in this picture, we can't get over how damn photoshopped she looks. It's like the celebrity machine isn't even trying anymore. They're openly plasticizing celebrities to ridiculously unrealistic extremes now.

Dear Hollywood, NEWSFLASH: people have pores and the public already knows that! I mean, come on. We know what Gwyneth looks like and she doesn't look remotely like that. NO ONE does. When was it decided that "beauty" means wax-like skin and blurred edges?

Sure, Hollywood's always been about presenting unrealistically beautiful people to the public. That tone was set all the way back in the '30s by George Hurrell. Still, we can't help thinking this goes far beyond the airbrushing and trick lighting he pioneered. Now we're at the point where removing ribs is commonplace.

For a sobering slap of reality, take a look at this site. Go to "portfolio" and roll your mouse over the celebrity of your choosing. EDIT: Looks like a lot of people have been linking to it because the bandwidth has been exceeded on the site. Here are a couple pics we've snagged:


We'll say this, Halle Berry is damn near flawless WITHOUT Photoshopping.


And Beyonce got herself a brand new torso! We need to hire our own personal Photoshoppers for all our pictures.

(Photos: iWanex Studio)

60 comments:

snf in va said...

OMG!!! I almost choked.

You're right about the porn star look...just do a Google image search for Illona Staller, a.k.a. Cicciolina, euro porn star extraordinaire.

Anonymous said...

I think she looks like she should be holding a bottle of coke, and teaching the world to sing...

Desarae said...

I visited this site before and it is amazing how the way we think someone looks is only a mirage, because most of the before pictures of the supposedly "flawless" celebrities look worse then I do after a night out with the girls. You were spot on with Halle Berry, she looks gorgeous without photoshop
(maybe just needs a little mustache bleach)

Meghan said...

Damn! I didn't even recognize her. She looks so fug in that picture, doesn't look anything like her.

Desarae said...

Ha, snf in va, I just googled Illona Staller, and you are right about the resemblance, that is hilarious. Thanks for the heads up!

thombeau said...

Once again: THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA IS EVIL.

It's too bad that site isn't accessible right now; I've been there before, and the examples you posted are mild in comparison to the extremes they show.

George Hurrell was making art; these current photogs and retouchers are making commerce. They, their subjects, and the magazines that publish them are all whores.

Dishes said...

Sweeties, I work in the Music industry and often seen the untouched up faces of musicians. Yowser. I am talking about woman with hairy faces, huge pores etc. Imagine looking at blow ups of that before you get coffee!! I have to look at them every freaking day. It's gotten to the point that I would prefer a photoshop version.

snf in va said...

" Desarae said...

Ha, snf in va, I just googled Illona Staller, and you are right about the resemblance, that is hilarious. Thanks for the heads up! "

It was the light blond hair with dark eyebrows that made me think of Staller.


I don't know if any of you remember her...she (Staller, of course) was married to Jeff Koons for a while.

elcynic said...

dlisted is linking to the site too, so, that along with you guys and your millions of loyal readers may account for the bandwidth problems.

Muse of Ire said...

What a frighteningly unsexy picture that is. Is that the one she approved? Imagine what the others must look like!

P.S. I like Gwyneth Paltrow and think she is a very pretty woman. That picture is like her scary Aunt Freda, not her.

Matt Algren said...

Thing is, none of them are unattractive in the unretouched version, they just look normal. Even the times when he took weight off someone digitally, they aren't exactly horrendous cows.

Two more things. 1) I don't feel so bad about my acne after seeing top row #7, whoever that is.

And 2) Eva Longoria lost 25 pounds through photoshop. He had to make changes to how the couch was sagging!

MissMissy said...

I was amazed at how little Halle Berry changes when she's photoshopped. The other celebrity "before" pictures make me feel better about myself...but Halle Berry reminds me that I'm a mere mortal after all, and not a perfect-skinned goddess.

personette said...

WOW - that site was fascinating. I think mothers should sit down with their troubled, anorexic teenage daughters and look through the before and after pictures. what a huge difference the retouching made on the pics! And on my perception!

Yomanda said...

That website is fascinating. It is amazing to me that not only do they make everyone thinner and bustier, they remove every possible trace of personality and character. No freckles! No wrinkles! No bumps, lumps or scars. It's insane.

But it's nice to see that they people really are "normal" before all the retouching happens.

Anonymous said...

I prefer most of the before pictures and I love how they made Lindsay Lohan's thighs bigger. But Brittany Murphy YIKES!!

Sewing Siren said...

Gwyneth is unrecognizable! Odd isn't it? I realize humans have the desire to improve on nature, but I wonder how far the photoshopping is going. They already make the face larger and sometimes elongate the limbs, I wonder if the celebs will start looking like aliens from outerspace with super elongated bodies and giant heads.
Do you all know that even the companies that take school pictures for little children even offer a retouching package?

Anonymous said...

Do you all know that even the companies that take school pictures for little children even offer a retouching package?

That makes sense for kids in middle school and high school who have zits they want to cover up, but anyone younger wouldn't need it. I highly doubt the parents would pay extra to have their young children airbrushed for a yearbook photo.

Desarae said...

oh there are some parents who would have their children airbrushed for a yearbook picture, has anyone every seen the little miss competitions, as creepy as they are. They fake tan, put in false teeth, and put false eyelashes on the children just to match what is misconceived as beauty.

I agree with you personette about having young girls and boys that are dealing with self-esteem and image issues to look at this website to realize it is all smoke and fog.

Desarae said...

opps that is supposed to be smoke and mirrors, right?!

Ted said...

Nice to know that celebrities have pores too.

Linda said...

Did anyone else notice that Eva Longoria's lingerie also got a little more sheer with photoshopping? In the before, no trace of nipple. In the after, oh, there's a nipple. Ridiculous.

mjude said...

Gwyneth does not look like a goddess in that photo! i would think she would be unhappy with the results.

as for the photoshop site, very interesting. i guess no one is perfect. well, halle just pisses me off with her natural beauty!

macasism said...

I've just spent 10 minutes of time watching various celebrities boobs perk & sag, perk & sag. Hilarious!

I really love Beyonce's paunch.

Justin Timberlake is pretty cute, tho, even in a too dark photo.

Anonymous said...

i work for a small town newspaper, so i don't do any retouching of celebs, but some of the things that he did I do on every picture i handle. film comes out dark a lot of the time, photos have to be lightened and contrasted so details show up better (eyes brighter, etc) and so that they print ok in magazines and newspapers(ink is darker than photograph). the color is usually unbalanced as well. take Halle there, he added a lot of yellow to make her look more like her natural tone, the original was far too blue. (he didn't have to make her thinner though). I think theres too much airbrushing and too over the top, but some of what people are calling fakery is just the usual methods for making a picture look nice and light with the right color balance.

jojo

Anonymous said...

Potentially the only thing worse than the photoshopping mania is the "70's TV star facelift" look that has taken over. I nearly chocked watching Victoria Principal, face pulled back like Vincent D'nofrio (sp?) pulling his fake skin back in "Men in Black", hawking her skin care line. ("just use my face cream and get a $20K face lift, and you too can look like an alien bug")

I have this horrible image of every female I watched on TV during the 70's ending up looking like the plastic sugery addicted in "Escape from LA."

And yes, that's a fug shot of Ms. Paltrow. I'm suddenly loving Jamie Lee Curtis who has been pretty anti-photshop lately. She looks terrific. And Human.

AES

Anonymous said...

The website is scary.

What the hell is wrong with freckles, anyway??!!??!! Anyone ever retouches out my 1/4 irish heritage, I'll kill em!

snaillady2 said...

I totally think that Gwennie was told she was doing a Sharon Stone retrospective. She is unrecognizable! I still don't believe it's her!

brilliant said...

They seem to have added some weight to Lohan, Diaz and Stiles. Almost as much as they took off of Clarkson.

Anonymous said...

That makes sense for kids in middle school and high school who have zits they want to cover up, but anyone younger wouldn't need it. I highly doubt the parents would pay extra to have their young children airbrushed for a yearbook photo.

You obviously do not work in any US school district. Parents (and I'm not just refering to the wealthy ones)would do it in a heartbeat without a second thought.

Anonymous said...

What purpose does this procedure serve? I wonder if these media slags really think the populace is so stupid that they believe we don't realize this isn't the actual image. The yellowing of Beyonce and Halle Berry's skin is really insulting. It's as if these editors are saying being brown isn't beautiful enough to the general populace and must be made "better". By them.
I don't really care for Gwyneth Paltrow like I do her mother, Blythe Danner. The fact that GP sneers at the actresses who really fight to get ahead in the business by saying it's not worth it, this photo is exemplary of what an entitled, dishonest hypocrite she truly is.

Emma P.

Anonymous said...

Gwyneth looks terrible.

Retouched or not, I don't know who most of the people in the photos are! I guess I've been watching too much TCM.

BrianB said...

What an amazing disconnect to see yourself on the cover of a magazine all sleek and toned and flawless, and then to look at yourself in the mirror. Unless they make Photoshop mirrors so you never have to look at the real you.

And speaking of Hurrell, if I ever find out his portrait of John Payne as "Kid Valentine" was retouched, well, I don't know what I'll do!

BrianB

daxx said...

The words used to describe the less than flattering picture also aptly describe her "acting", waxy and blurry.

Also, anyone else notice that one of the articles is about "women on top" highlighting Jodie Foster who has always been about as real as anyone. Makes a nice juxtaposition with the porn shot of GP.

Martinique said...

OH MY GOD Penelope Cruz was transformed. I guess they felt she wasn't curvy enough.

Jenn said...

I think Kelly Clarkson and Justin Timberlake's before shots are better. Jeez, these people look like freaks with the photoshopping. They did a number on Naomi Watts' skin.

Cedar said...

I was watching some horrible entertainment news show last night; they had footage of some topless photo shoot that Heidi Klum was doing. When the shots were "live," like video, she looked okay. Hot, but totally not in perfect shape, a little saggy and lumpy. But then they showed the pictures for the ad, and she was photoshopped into perfection--totally lean and smooth, no lines, no wrinkles.

Anonymous said...

That pic looks NOTHING like GP....its creepy...

nso said...

If the point of photshopping is to make someone look better--whoever's responsible for this Gwynyth photo should be fired for incompetence. Yikes, she's never looked worse.

mrpeenee said...

Obviously all you people have been taken for a ride, fooled, and when W announces next month that the cover was not really Gwennie, but rather Poodlette, the Blow-up Sex Doll for the Now Generation won’t you feel silly.

kath said...

It actually looks like a drag queen doing a Gwynneth impersonation.
No one looks as good in person. I saw Uma Thurman recently, and realized that there's something to be said for makeup and a good photographer. She was very washed out looking. It was surprising how normal she looked. It definitely made my friends and I feel better about ourselves!

GothamTomato said...

Forget about looking like a porn star in that picture: I think Gwyneth looks like a man!

--Gotham Tomato

gloria said...

have they changed the site? there are no "before" pictures Gloria

Anonymous said...

It's so over-the-top and ugly that I like it!

It reminds me of Cindy Sherman's self-as-character self-portraits. Or some of the Prada campaigns of the last few years.

But, it's fashion and not art and isn't mean to be taken seriously.

I don't think it's the same as the other examples, which really are crappy attempts to manipulate the public (and the subject).

-- desertwind

gloria said...

ok - i see...wow...i actually thought the original was the after!
saddest is the last picture - she is adorable in the before - and a "stepgord" model after...ick ick ick

gloria said...

stepford - stepford...

Anonymous said...

As for Cicciolina? She was married to the big cheese artist, Jeff Koons so lots of her "work" is -- cough -- Art.

-- desertwind

Grrg said...

So this is quite late, and buried at the bottom of the comments where no one will see it, but no discussion of this topic is complete without a link to Jezebel's posting of an undoctored Faith Hill Redbook cover (...as well as all the subsequent palaver linked to at the bottom of the post.)

Noelia said...

Well, For some reason I'm not surprised... First, I got dozens of mails showing the real face of some artists without their make up... (Madonna, Britney, Beyonce among them)
And on the other hand, this practice is so common among the showbiz magazines in my country -sadly- that they even got to a point in which they erased one actress belly bottom.
In any case, I wonder what Gwyneth thought when she noticed that she looked like Cicciolina :P

frogboots said...

I STILL can't believe that is actually Gwyneth Paltrow - it looks SO UNLIKE HER. the eyebrows! the face! it's a whole new Gwynnie!

jeeezus.

i'm more troubled by girls - college-aged especially - who look weirdly waxy, blurry and airbrushed in REAL LIFE. is it the spray-on tanning? the too-much-makeup? what?

CharmingDinnerGuest said...

If you want to see something really startling:

http://studio-vista.com/pages/_retouching/ret12.html

Roll over image.

MissLynette said...

We'll say this, Halle Berry is damn near flawless WITHOUT Photoshopping.

of all of them, she is the most naturally beautiful. halle, halle, such a pretty lady.

but this person on the cover of the magazine? i couldn't have told you it was paltrow. nearly unrecognizable. crazy.

Riley said...

OMG. That's Gwyneth Paltrow? She looks harsh, like she just came off a bender of booze and drugs.

Anonymous said...

The Halle photos are fantastic, makes me sick. A little yellow toning, and taking the white string thing off of her arm, and call it good.
Meanwhile- Gwneyth- FUG.

Anonymous said...

This youtube clip is also revealing...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=OXf8fr0Kp3Q

Pumpkin Man said...

I am soooo tired of all this movie stars being Photoshoped to death! Who really believes they look like that in real life?

Dani said...

Hire me! I'm great at retouching! I'll photoshop you ANYday.

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

If Paltrow could act, I might care. Maybe she would get some life in her being a porno star. She would be a necrophiliacs dream come true.

jabes said...

If I were Julia Stiles, I'd be pissed at the "after" picture -- she looks much better before!

Laura said...

I don't have a moral problem with photoshopping celebrity photos, but I love sites like Iwanex that show the before and after. There's a difference between knowing that magazine photos are retouched and actually seeing the unretouched versions.

Celebs can keep doing what they have to do for their careers, and I can sleep easy knowing that even the stick thin have that weird little armpit roll.

Big Shamu said...

Be careful with those Photoshoppers, bitches, one day you might look great, the next you could look like a goat.
Just saying.