Musical Monday: Hello, Dolly!

Monday, June 18, 2007 by
Yes, it's Hello, Dolly! The story of an annoying pain in the ass with a great set of pipes and an endless supply of vagina hats and the menagerie of dimwits who let her rule their lives!

We'd never seen this before and, oh Jesus, now we know why. This movie sucked.

Our story starts in the phoniest-looking "1890s New York" set you could possibly imagine, where everyone and everything is rendered in bright, bold colors and the streets are completely devoid of horseshit. We meet Babs as Dolly Levi, a professional meddler and headache-inducer.

After she gets done with her intro song, we shift to Yonkers, where Walter Mathau verbally abuses everyone in sight, starting with Tommy Tune, in an unintentionally hilarious role as a heterosexual who wants to marry Walter's niece. Seriously, Tommy had maybe three lines in the whole film because every time he opened his mouth, glitter and butterflies fell out.

Walter moves on to abusing his niece Ermengarde, who also has about three lines in the film, mainly because she's annoying. She spends the rest of the time crying because Walter won't let her get married to an obviously gay man.

After that, he heads down to his store to kick around his possibly developmentally disabled employees, Cornelius and Barnaby, played by Michael Crawford and....some other guy.

If that wasn't enough to establish his bona fides as a raging asshole, he then sings (very badly) to the townsmen about how he's heading off to New York to find a wife so someone can clean up the horseshit and unclog the plumbing for him. Seriously.

We're ten minutes into this film and having met nearly the entire cast, we hate everyone.

Babs shows up because for some reason, Walter wants her to escort his niece to New York to keep her away from the very tall gay man that wants to marry her. But he just said that he was heading into New York. It's at this point that we realize this movie isn't even going to try and make sense, so we sit back and decide to spend the rest of the time picking out the gay men in the background and making fun of the clothes.

Walter heads out and Babs takes the opportunity to wail a little about how she's scheming to marry him.

Okay, ew.

She stumbles across Ermengarde and Tommy trying to run away to elope but instead she convinces them to -- oh God, it's so complicated. Something about going to New York and entering a dance contest at the Harmonia Gardens restaurant. Who the hell knows why.

Not having fulfilled her meddling quota for the day, she overhears the dimwits in the basement complaining that they never get to touch women (although we have our doubts that Barnaby really wants to, if you know what we're saying) and she also convinces them to go to New York to see Irene Molloy at her hat shop. Because...what? She gives out blowjobs to strange men? Who knows?

Irene is the gal Dolly set up with Walter, see. Oh, the scheming!

For no discernible reason, the entire town breaks into song about how they're going to head off to New York for blowjobs.

Seriously, Dolly has some sort of weird hold over these people, who get increasingly manic as this number goes on.

Look at them. They're completely out of their minds. Must be some kind of Jewish witchcraft.

Now we're at Irene Molloy's dress shop, which is roughly the size of a ballroom and about as brightly lit as a Laugh-In set.

Irene is a special girl who dresses up in clown clothes and sings to her reflection about how horny she is.

Cornelius and Barnaby show up and can't work up the nerve to ask about her legendary blowjob service.

Because they're morons.

They spot Babs and Walter outside the shop and, suddenly realizing that they left the store unattended, panic and hide. Irene is confused.

Walter smells the man on her and rages and swings a walking stick around, which isn't Freudian at all. He calls off the engagement - even though he never actually asked her to marry him - and storms out. He does a lot of storming out.

Babs is pleased that her "plan" (whatever the hell it is) is going perfectly and pairs off the boys with Irene and her dimwitted assistant Minnie. Irene's all "Be a tramp? Sounds like fun!" and they all agree to go to - you guessed it - The Harmonia Gardens restaurant. Per Babs' suggestion, of course.

This leads to half of New York dancing in the streets. Again, some sort of Jewish witchcraft.

After that, Babs decides to reflect on her life and practice her Spanish.

This is just a taste of how bloated and overblown this whole film is. Gene Kelly was the director and SOMEBODY should've put the brakes on him.

Later that night, the girls put on their best clown clothes and meet the boys for dinner. The boys of course have about 3 pennies to their names, but they figure the jail time will be worth it if they can get some oral sex out of it.

Next stop: THE HARMONIA GARDENS RESTAURANT! Where the decor is grandiose...

...and the waiters are GAY!



Meanwhile, our cast of characters are in place. The gals are ordering the most expensive shit on the menu, to the boys' increasing horror...

Ermengarde and Tommy are there. Being annoying.

And Walter is stuck having dinner with another of Babs' setups, designed to make her look good in comparison.

Irene lets Cornelius get to the 1890 version of first base.

And Babs makes her big entrance, looking just a little bit like Big Bird.

Unfortunately, this is only an extract from this iconic number, although to be honest, we're doing you a favor because, like every number in this film, it's about 3 times as long as it needs to be. You do get to see Babs surrounded by a gaggle of gay waiters and that's as it should be, kittens.

Credit where it's due, Babs was totally wrong for this part (which she later admitted), but at least she sells the hell out of the title song.

Okay! We're heading past the 2-hour mark on this mess, so let's see if we can wrap things up better than the film makers did. Walter's date left. Babs corrals him and proceeds to deliberately annoy the shit out of him. We're not sure why she thought this was a good way to land a husband.

The dance contest starts and Walter is shocked to see not only his niece and her gay boyfriend, but his two employees with his former soon-to-be-fiancee.

Walter savagely beats his niece on the dance floor to the horror of all.

Haha, no. There's the usual shenanigans. Someone gets a pie in the face, glasses are broken, pandemonium ensues and Walter gets punched. Suddenly, we're feeling really sorry for James Brolin for some reason.

After having practically destroyed his life, Barbra continues her seduction by singing goodbye VERY LOUDLY in his face and figuratively castrating him by stealing his walking stick. Gosh, why hasn't he fallen in love with her yet?

To be honest, this is a funny, catchy song and she sells the hell out of this one too.

Blahblahblah. True love. Annoying song.

All the young folks show up at Walter's store the next day and declare that they're forming a free-love commune. Babs shows up with his walking stick and we all know what that means...

Yeah, that doesn't make a lick of sense. She spent the movie destroying him and he spent it hating her, but like we said, we're well past the two-hour mark, so there you have it. Wedding. Happy Ending. Annnnd scene.


Gorgeous Things said...

Oh yeah, she was totally the wrong pick for this role. The character's name was Dolly Gallagher Levi, and she was supposed to be the Irish widow of a nice Jewish man. Looks like the filmmakers forgot that part.

My high school did this musical when I was in 10th grade and I got saddled with the role of Irene Molloy. My Cornelius was totally gay, and if you think the role is annoying to watch, try singing it!

Yeesh! Some great songs, but an otherwise forgettable show....

Jeff said...

Blecch. So sorry that you had to sit through this. The only part I like: hearing Walter Matthau yell at his niece: "Oy-men-gaaaaad!"

My high school did this too; I got the thankless part of Rudy the headwaiter. (Yes, ggggay with a fake German accent. Shudder.)

Anonymous said...

i LOVE this movie. i grew up watching it in the afternoons after school... because we weren't allowed to watch real tv, i guess, but it hooked me. maybe after watching it a hundred times all the overblown meandering starts to make a sort of alternate-reality sense. this is the only barbara i like now. and the waiters!

but your recap is funny and awesome, as usual.

shiver72876 said...

Oh boys! You are too much!

"Seriously, Tommy had maybe three lines in the whole film because every time he opened his mouth, glitter and butterflies fell out."

And Tommy's like 8ft tall while the actress who plays Ermengarde is like 5'1"!!! Pure ridiculousness!

But I actually adore Dolly only because it was my Grandma's favorite movie and so I watched it every summer multiple times when I would visit her.

I love the songs in Hello Dolly! "Put on Your Sunday Clothes," "Dancing," "Before the Parade Passes By," "It Only Takes a Moment," etc. I don't know if it's just a childhood memory I cling to or what but this movie will always have a dear place in my heart!

Bill said...

The Tommy Tune butterflies and glitter comment killed me. That tall Texan always was and always will be the very definition of gay.

Didn't anyone notice the SIZE of Babs' hats in this movie?! Dolly was one seriously repressed woman.

Take a gander at the big windows at the back of the Harmonia Gardens set. Parts of the set were used for the ship's dining room in the Poseidon Adventure. Those windows were used on the ceiling and passengers fell into them when the ship flipped.

TLo said...

Dammit, Bill! How could we have forgotten to make a vagina hat joke?

Well, that's the beauty of blogging. The edit button.

aimee said...

"Tommy had maybe three lines in the whole film because every time he opened his mouth, glitter and butterflies fell out."

BWAH! *dies laughing*

Anonymous said...

Played in the pit for a community theatre production of this play. Really didn't like the libretto and didn't enjoy playing (as opposed to listening to) the music. So I never watched the film.

And now your brilliant commentary has saved me from ever considering a viewing. Thanks as always for a fun Monday.

Bill said...

T&L - The Vaginal Hat Theory also gives a frightening new meaning to the song "Ribbons Down My Back" that Irene Molloy sings.

meredith said...

My favorite musical ever. Seriously. At least you admitted she sung the hell out of those two fabulous numbers. It's a little crazy but it was the only thing that used to make me feel better when I was sick as a kid.

Anonymous said...

I was wondering about the lack of v-hat comments too. Now that you've mentioned it, this play is full of double entendres:

* "Beneath your bowler brim the world's a simple song"

* "Here's my hat fellas I'm stayin' where I'm at, fellas"

'Cause there's no blue Monday in your Sunday clothes -- at least not when T&L are around.

BrianB said...

"Yes, it's Hello Dolly! the story of an annoying pain in the ass with a great set of pipes and the menagerie of dimwits who let her rule their lives."

Oh my God, you guys got this spot on right out of the gate! Isn't this one of the films that killed movie musicals? For me it's one of those movies you watch while you're sick on the sofa with a cold and loaded up on Nyquil! I've never laughed harder at one of your reviews, so Bravo!

I had to read up on this movie in my Halliwells Film Guide and it says that Carol Channing, Ginger Rogers and Betty Grable all fought to get the Dolly role. Could have been a very different movie.

It did get some technical Oscars and was nominated for Best Picture but didn't win. Perhaps if the Academy voters had your review to read, it might have been a different outcome!


Bill said...

Because he so recently passed away (and because I'm a Broadway whore), I have to mention Charles Nelson Reilly. He was Cornelius in the original Broadway version and was paired with Eileen Brennan (Jack's acting teacher on 'Will & Grace') as Irene.

Carol Channing won the Best Actress in a Musical Tony that year (beating out Babs for Funny Girl). I think this movie is Babs' revenge for losing the Tony.

I saw Channing in a 1995 revival of Dolly and that loony freak pulled it off at the age of 74. She was great!

Just about anyone who ever played Dolly onstage was a better choice than Streisand. Ethel Merman, Phyllis Diller, Betty Grable, Ginger Rogers, Martha Raye, Mary Martin, Dorothy Lamour and Pearl Bailey all did it and would have been better than Babs in the film.

If you want a better, non-musical look at the story, try the B&W movie "The Matchmaker" with Shirley Booth as Dolly (Ruth Gordon had played Dolly in this non-musical farce on Broadway). It also stars a very young Anthony Perkins and Shirley Maclaine as Cornelius & Irene.

thombeau said...

OMG, I was laughing out loud through this entire post! TOO FUNNY! You guys seem to do best when you don't give a hoot about the movie.

Love it! I'm gonna read it again!

TLo said...

thom, we came to that exact same conclusion last night when we were talking out this post.

macasism said...

God, I hate Babs.

I was waiting for a vagina hat joke, too, but that "glitter & butterfiles" one made up for it. Then I realized that you boys would never stoop to one-joke sitcom character behaviour. You are too good to rest on laurels.

laura petrie said...


Add me to the list of those who performed in this show in high school -- except I got to play the big diva herself, Miss Dolly. Thought I was all that and a bag of chips because we had our costumes flown in from NYC, so my Harmonia Gardens ensemble was quite close to that of La Channing. Ah, the self-assuredness of youth.

The movie is totally horrible, and reading your review was a riot and a joy. But I still and probably always will have a soft spot in my heart (along with a song) for this show.

Allen said...

I hated this movie w/ a passion! - Basement Jaxx actually used a scene from this movie for their video, "Hush Boy."

mjude said...

when i was a little girl i loved all of bab's movies & this one was no exception. if it is on tv i try to watch her & louis armstrong. my fave part. anyway the review of course...RIOT.

you guys kill me ever time.
thanks :)

The Java Junkie said...

"Glitter and butterflies" and Walter beating his niece on the dance guys crack me up!

nso said...

I saw this on stage a few years ago in a community theatre production, with Sally Struthers playing Dolly. It was the first time she'd played the lead in a musical. Not a great singer, but passable--she didn't take the thing too seriously, so it was fun. The stage version works better than the movie, at least in a small production where it's not so overblown.

RRoseBees said...

Well, I guess I must be a real loser because I loved this movie....I loved the costumes, the dancing, the signing....I loved it all. I will admit that Babs should not have been in the role, but seeing as she is, I enjoyed her very much. I could have done without Walter Matthau as I can't stand him, but everyone else was pretty spot on.

Plays well with Others.....

Annie said...

I hope you guys do The Music Man sometime soon. I'm leaving the country in August, and it's my favorite musical. I'm not going to have internet where I'm going. :(

snf in va said...

I think this may be the movie that put me off musicals. Ughhh.

Fabulous commentary of course, boys!

Laura said...

The one time I tried to watch this movie, I was so distracted by Babs' manicure (Jewish witch nails?) that all other details were lost on me. So thanks for the recap. :)

Anonymous said...

I had not had a chance to see "Hello Dolly" when it was new. I saw the movie a year or 2 after it came out and wondered why everyone said it was so wonderful.
Walter Matthau was so cranky and unattractive. The production numbers were overly long. Tommy Tune's love interest was way more mature looking than he was. (not a good match at all)
I'm so glad you hated it because I did too. I feel vindicated.
Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Can you really picture Ginger Rogers setting her cap for Walter Matthau?

Anonymous said...

Notice WHERE Cornelius and Barnaby hide?
Irene should NOT be confused!

carmelita said...

Save me a seat on the loser bus, RRoseBees, I love this movie, too. When I was little I used to think her entrance scene at the Harmonia Gardens was the most exciting thing. Oh well, I guess I'd better not ever watch it again.
Loved your comments, though. You all are the best!

snf in va said...

Poor Barnaby!!

He was played by Danny Lockin, BTW: I found this bit of info about him on the IMBD website:

"Danny Lockin lived in Orange County, California and worked at his mother's dance studio for several years after his appearance in "Hello Dolly" with Streisand. On August 21, 1977, he competed on "The Gong Show" and tied for first place. After the taping of that show in Los Angeles, he drove toward his home in Anaheim, but ended up at a bar in Garden Grove instead. He was later found murdered in a nearby apartment of Charles Hopkins who had stabbed him to death. Police found a "torture diary" under Hopkins' bed and prosecutors tried to pursue the death penalty using the pictures in the diary as evidence that Lockin's death was planned. However, Hopkins' trial was postponed because of a car accident, and in that time (lucky for Hopkins) the California Supreme Court ruled that such evidence found AFTER the initial crime scene investigation was NOT admissible. Without the diary to show premeditation, Hopkins was only found guilty of manslaughter and was sentenced to only four years in prison. Critics said justice hadn't been served, as Lockin was stabbed more than 100 times."

How awful is that.

LittleKarnak said...

LOL! Leave it to you guys to fill one of my crappiest work days ever with glitter and butterflies!!

Anonymous said...

I keep looking and looking but I can't seem to find the part of the post where T Lo said that anyone who likes it is a loser.

shiver72876 said...

snf in Va: what you posted about Danny Lockin's murder is HORRIBLE! I had never heard that story! How tragic!

Mike said...

Who knew Cornelious will go on to great acclaim as the Phantom of the Opera

Anonymous said...

Oooh! I would love for you to do The Music Man too! Robert Preston and Mrs Partridge and the crazy Grecian Urn Ladies! Awesome. Please, Please!

Jules said...

I'm with Mike - hard to believe Cornelius singing "It Only Takes a Moment" would grow up to be the Phantom singing "Music of the Night."

I'm with the others hoping for The Music Man - Robert Preston version only, please.

And come on - here it is mid-June, and Bill, support me on this - some of us are still waiting on The Harvey Girls postponed from April! Did you boys lose interest????

Anonymous said...

ummm..never seen Hello Dolly? you guys aren't gay at all.

And why do they subtitle the English words in English?

Anonymous said...

Yes, Yes, Yes!
Please add me to the chorus requesting the Robert Preston (& Opie!) "MUSIC MAN"!*
Love the Man. Love the Musical!

*With Bill trivia/tidbit/commentary, of course!

SavetheLiver said...

Supposedly Walter Matthau hated
Barbra Streisand so much he is reported to have told her :"I have more talent in my smallest fart than you do in your entire body..!"
For some reason that comment makes me smile...........

personette said...

this musical monday was SOOOOOO funny. as always...

personette said...

PS: please make XANADU a musical monday selection!!

Anonymous said...

I've flipped by this movie a few times and I can never stand it for more than a few minutes because Babs is not only completely wrong for the part, she is so gratingly, persistently self-consciously Babs. She has no interest in telling the story or being the character at all, she only want to show off the fabulousness of our fabulous self. Can't watch that. Unfortunately, Gene Kelley not only tolerated it, he augmented it . What's up with sticking Louis Armstrong in there? An opportunity to show off Babs' "jazz" credentials? Embarassing. This is the kind of thing that got Armstrong, one of the top ten American musicians of the 20th century, and the father of jazz, reviled among his peers.

Anonymous said...

anonymous said...
What's up with sticking Louis Armstrong in there? An opportunity to show off Babs' "jazz" credentials?


BigAssBelle said...

i would like ~ right now ~ to live in a world where the streets were devoid of horseshit. seems horseshit has invaded every aspect of our lives, from the white house to my house, although i have managed to stop it at the front door.

i saw this as a child and loved her hats. that's all i remember about it. and the song, which i occasionally belt out as i'm traipsing through my warehouse.

mike.motaku said...

Give me Shirley Booth and Anthony Perkins any day. The only worst movie rendition of a Broadway musical has to be Lucille Ball in Mame. Oh the humanity.

Carol Channing's Dolly was still FABULOUS when I saw her in the musical in the mid-90s.

My favorite recording of the show has to be the "all-black" cast with Pearl Bailey as Dolly. Heavenly. Does my gayness show?

Anonymous said...

Loved the Tommy Tune comment :D

When are we going to see Gypsy in Musical Mondays?! You could do the campy version with Roz Russell or the Bette Midler version!

Anonymous said...

hate dolly. hate barbara.

personette said...
PS: please make XANADU a musical monday selection!!

i second that request! please review xanadu! i LIVE for that movie.

bitchybitchybitchy said...

BrianB said...
"Yes, it's Hello Dolly! the story of an annoying pain in the ass with a great set of pipes and the menagerie of dimwits who let her rule their lives."

Oh my God, you guys got this spot on right out of the gate! Isn't this one of the films that killed movie musicals? For me it's one of those movies you watch while you're sick on the sofa with a cold and loaded up on Nyquil! I've never laughed harder at one of your reviews, so Bravo!

I had to read up on this movie in my Halliwells Film Guide and it says that Carol Channing, Ginger Rogers and Betty Grable all fought to get the Dolly role. Could have been a very different movie.

It did get some technical Oscars and was nominated for Best Picture but didn't win. Perhaps if the Academy voters had your review to read, it might have been a different outcome!


I saw a touring company production of "Hello, Dolly" starring Ginger Rogers in the mid-to-late 1960's and Ginger was a real treat as Dolly Gallagher Levi-it was a genuine old-fashioned B'way musical.
Yes, Babs sang the Hell out of some of the numbers, but she was way miscast.

Loved the butterflies and glitter comment about TT!

parts of this movie were filmed in either Cold Spring or Croton-on-Hudson, NYS.

And, yes, IMHO this movie did drive a few nails into the movie musical's coffin

Anonymous said...

Michael Crawford was in a TV series called "Some Mother's Do 'Ave Em" on the Beeb in the 70's where he played a bumbling mama's boy (allbeit a married one). "Dolly" was released in 69 - must be where they got the idea for the TV roll.
btw, my cousin's wife was Channing's understudy (my claim to fame!)

bitchybitchybitchy said...

Anonymous said...
Can you really picture Ginger Rogers setting her cap for Walter Matthau?

June 18, 2007 6:23 PM

AS IF! After having Mr. Astaire in all of those fabulous films? I think not!

Anonymous said...


My favorite musical after Fiddler.


Anonymous said...

I feel bad for the boys. They told us that the musical posts take hours to do and it seems like most of the responses aren't about the post at all but about which one they should do next.

Marc in San Francisco said...

This is the first of T&L's musical merriment I've read. And oh, are they good. The glitter and butterflies line is their ticket to gay heaven.

Someone asked by why put Louis Armstrong in the flick. The author must be too young to remember his recording of the song. Hugely popular. If Gene Kelly had been smart, he wouldn't have put Armstrong's name in the opening credits. It would be a great surprise to have him pop up during the song.

Let me borrow a bit from my IMDB review of the film. I began by quoting The New Yorker's thumbnail sketch, "A superstar (Barbra Streisand) redeems an impersonal circus of a musical." How could Gene Kelly mangle such a good show? In 1969 or so, I saw it done by Riordan High School in San Francisco, a Catholic boys' school. It was outstanding, and better than almost all professional theater I've ever been to. So I know it's a good play. Babs is miscast, but can sing. Matthau is perfectly cast, but can't. Crawford is lousy; E. J. Peeker is lousy. Danny Lockin is very good, but went home w/ the wrong guy at a bar. His story is beyond sad. When I saw this in the theaters, I was dissatisfied when it was over, and so walked across the street and saw "Tommy," another turd. What a bad day at the movies.

Vic said...

Dahlings, you spent hours on a post about a movie that sucks. My hat's off to you and I thank you for caring.

I've watched Hello Dolly only twice, once as a movie and once onstage. I didn't like it either time. Guess the plot just doesn't resonate with me.

Anonymous said...

I love this show!!!! Well, really, it was all about the costumes, I think your guys commentary is way better than the original story. Show more hats!!


Anonymous said...

I had the pleasure of seeing Carol Channing in Dolly in the 1960s. Still have the soundtrack on reel to reel tape. OK, so I am a dinosaur. Had SHE been in the movie, it might have been spectacular instead of craptacular.
Barbra can not do anything unless it is HER way. Bitch even screws up Jingle Bells, for Christ's sake.

Red Seven said...

I never saw a "Dolly" that wasn't Babs that I never realized how wrong she was for the role until much, much later, and by then I had fallen for this gigantic, overdone mess despite myself.

Not that you guys are at all incorrect, but -- you never forget your first, y'know?

Jimmy Gimbels said...

Big mistake letting Gene Kelly direct this mess. Bigger mistake taking a fast moving farce and slowing it wayyyyyyyyy down. Imagine if Vincent Minnelli would have directed with Carol Channing as Dolly! Babs could have been Mrs Malloy.

Jimmy Gimbels said...

Hold on to your hats kids. There was talk of producing a new version of Hello, Dolly for TV starring...wait for it...CHER!

Oh the humanity!

mi-dulce-locura said...

"Wall-E" brought me here, because I wanted to learn more about the movie that sweet little bot was obsessed with. I have yet to see it, but I'm still trying to wrap my mind around how anything featuring Michael Crawford as a 28-year-old virgin falling in love with a vagina hat-maker could possibly suck.

Fantastic review, although it's sold me on this film - I now want to see what falls out of Tommy Tune's mouth!

sushi guru said...

The "Hello Dolly" number ist the classical New Year's Eve song, but what I absolutely hate about it is when Barbra aka Dolly looks at Louis Armstrongs's crotch and says something stupid, I think "I see you're glad to see me" or so. Or do I imagine it? It spoiled the whole number for me. Oh, and it is about 20 minutes too long. Gene Kelly should have been spanked in public for this.

Ellen M said...

I think the Walter Matthau quote was something like: "Her talent is about as big as a butterfly's fart."

I used to think that Michael Crawford didn't exist before he took Broadway by storm in Phantom. When I saw him in this, I was so embarrassed for him!

Snappychuck said...

To the fabulous Bill; I am wondering how the windows in the restaurant could have been used for The Poseidon Adventure? In order for the extras to fall into the windows, they could not have been real glass, yet why on earth would the set designers for Dolly have used a break away material?

Marc R. said...

Your review is a riot. The movie must be Gene Kelly's fault. In 1969, I saw Riordan High School in San Francisco do the play, and it was fantastic, better than many professional shows I've seen. How could Kelly fuck it up quite so much?

If they'd asked me, I would have told them not to put Louis Armstrong's name in the opening credits. His apperance during the song would have been a fun surprise. Ann-Margret auditioned for Irene Malloy, but instead they picked ... an actress who never made another movie.

Who can we blame for the choreography? Technically, Michael Kidd, but Gene Kelly must have approved. It just doesn't work.