Ass-kickin' Judges

Tuesday, April 17, 2007 by
Darlings, if there's one thing we love more than bitchy reality show contestants, it's bitchy reality show judges.


None of these bitches even try to keep it off their faces and that is of course, delicious. Even better, they'll openly talk shit right in front of the competitors.


"Well, it's just fun."


"HAHA! Get her! 'Fun!' Is that what they call looking like ass now?"


"Jesus, Jaclyn. Look what he did there in the back. Talk about ass."

"I can't. I'm stuck on the front. It too, looks like ass."


"My model today was very open. She was willing to do whatever I wanted."


"HAHA! You can TELL!"

"I'll say! You'd pretty much have to be brainless to ask for something THAT assy looking!"

But then they got super-serious. The fates of nations rested upon their processed heads and they wanted you to know it.


"Hmmm. That might just be a little too assy for Shear Genius. I wonder what Sally thinks. She's a little intense. I'm trying to get on her good side but I-I'm a little afraid of her. It's been a long time since I've had to do any spinning kicks and I don't think I can take her if it came down to that."


"Fuck. That's so assy I just wanna hit someone."


"Holy shit that's ass. Does Sally think it's ass? If I say it's ass and Sally says it's not ass, what happens then? Shit! We just don't have these moral dilemmas at Allure!"

"I ave not zee words. Eet eez, how you say, zee buttocks."


"Haha! Who gives a shit? I'm GOAWCHUSS!"

Bonus: Previews, Kittens!

In this preview the stylists have to create a "Level Eight Blonde" - or Los Angeles will be a smoking ruin by sunrise!


And in this preview, the clients get annoying and Gay Frodo goes on a little journey.

42 comments:

Doralong said...

I soooooo love that first screen cap.. "Come on- a blind person wouldn't walk out of a salon looking like that!". Let the bitchy games begin! I knew y'all wouldn't be able to resist!

Laz said...

LMAO! It certainly was Assfest 2007!

I think we need a Cage Match between Sally and Tabatha!! Or between Dr. Boogie and Gay Froddo!

ToddNY said...

"Haha! Who gives a shit? I'm GOAWCHUSS!"

ROFL. He is HAWT!! I can't wait to watch the next episode!

thombeau said...

As usual, you guys had me LAUGHING OUT LOUD!!!

The only ass I want to see on this show is Rene's.

bungle said...

Thanks for blogging SG, guys.

Gwen said...

Dammit. I had no intention of watching this, and now I kind of want to.

Admit it, y'all. They're paying you to plus this show, right?

Desarae said...

Thanks for blogging, as much as I loved Matt on P:TD, I have to admit I like this show much better!! so thanks for all your wit, humor, and fabulousness to fulfill our mundane lives guys!!

Laurel said...

I love this show... can't help it. And you were dead on with the screen caps. Seriously, some of those they would actually say were their signature styles? I wouldn't cut the hair of the chick in junior high who asked if I was a boy or a girl like that!

Bill said...

I have got to watch this show tomorrow!

Right now I feel like I did when all my friends spent the entire summer talking and laughing about some Smokey & the Bandit rip-off movie called The Gumball Rally and I hadn't seen it.

JavaJunkie said...

You are too damned funny!

Anonymous said...

Sally looks like one fierce lesbian. They should all be afraid of her!!

Gorgeous Things said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Snort!

I'm so hooked on this show thanks to you, you bad 'Boys.

And Frederick Fekkai's expressions were just, well, derriere-kickin!

macasism said...

You bitches have it nailed again.

the fate of nations....bwahahaha!

nso said...

Aw, you guys are so obliging, not making us wait for the next episode.

So how does one tell the difference between ass hair art and ass-kicking hair art?

Anonymous said...

"zee buttocks" - I'm still laughing.

littlekarnak said...

Ya'll are hilarious! Those screen caps were perfection. I love the judges on this show thus far. How awesome would it be if Sally took a 1 week hiatus and the guest judges were the original Angels (c'mon...Farrah IS a Hair Icon!!) plus Wonder Woman aka Lynda Carter as the 4th???

"It's been a long time since I've had to do any spinning kicks and I don't think I can take her if it came down to that."

Ha! She could take her, just call Jill and Sabrina!

girlincity said...

I, too, had no intention of watching this show after my disappointment with TD. I am hooked yet again. Of course, it wouldn't be nearly as good without the gayboys' commentary. Those judges are some big scary. Balances out the oversized personalities of the contestants.

girlincity said...

I have a confession to make...I had a nightmare the night SG aired. I can't remember the details, but it did involve Tabitha and scissors.

Anonymous said...

I think SG is going to be a campy goof, and glad you Boys see it that way too.

Nathalie said...

http://bp0.blogger.com/_FW86_jO7k_A/RiT8TIMuGdI/AAAAAAAAHKk/6jk9TnCauI4/s1600-h/SGS1E1P2B14.jpg
^ So that's Rene....

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/5/5a/P.Eric.JPG
^ And that's Prince Eric, from the Little Mermaid.

IS THE SIMILARITY NOT UNCANNY???

And while I'm at it:

http://bp1.blogger.com/_FW86_jO7k_A/RiT8rYMuGkI/AAAAAAAAHLc/VQjQTr0aneU/s1600-h/SGS1E1P2B1.jpg
^ Sally Hershberger

http://images.salon.com/ent/feature/2006/08/22/l_word/story.jpg
^ Shane from the L Word

Do you see it???

Love the recap- hope you keep doing it, because that's why I'd watch the show! (In addition to it being really fun- dormmates and I are splitting a season pass to the show on iTunes!)

Lima Bean said...

Apparently destined to never again reclaim my Wednesday evenings, I tried to resist Shear Genius after the finale of TD. But before I could even reach for the remote, I was fascinated.

Somebody at Bravo is getting good, real good.

Please blog it boys, please!

Pass the popcorn.

valpal said...

My favorite tidbit from this episode was: "OMG! Sally designed the iconic Meg Ryan shag." At first I laughed, ha ha ha, thinking "how shallow is that?" but then I remembered how taken I had been by that cut and how my hairdresser had to break it to me gently that it wasn't going to happen! It made me think of the scene in Devil Wears Prada when Meryl Streep explains in painful detail how cerulean blue went from couture to a color available to us regular folks.

I like this show, T&L, and I would never have been turned on by it if you hadn't given it a thumbs up. (Of course, it's so very much better now that it's getting that special gayboy coverage!)

Janet said...

I love the judges and Sally is hot.

Anonymous said...

Ahhhhhhhh. .... resistance is futile!
I TiVoed SG last week, but waited and waited to watch it, and finally broke down last night.

This shit is awesome! There was more drama and fun in that one episode than in the entire boring, dissapointing, mind numbing season of Top Design.

HairClip said...

I love Gay Frodo but the box sucked. Tabatha was robbed! Hers was fabulous!

Bitsou said...

The judges rock! I loved when Sally and Jacklyn were laughing at Lacey.

SixGables said...

My faith in Bravo has been restored. Top Design shook me, it did. But this...this is what I'd hoped that wretched Johnathon Antin show would be. Delicious. Thank you for taking it on and giving me more reason to sit on my ass at the computer.

macasism said...

I can't help but think that "Gay Frodo" is redundant. But maybe you bitches are unfamiliar with LOTR slash. Oh, well, it still fits our lovely Theodore.

Gawd I love you fairy boys.

macasism said...

btw, y'all should check out Bravissimo. Eric3K is blogging about SG and we know how cool he is. (even if he does defend Santino)

Granite Janet said...

Damn you, T&L! I am now staying up tonight to watch Episodes 1 and 2. Just what I need -- another addictive Bravo TV show.

Anonymous said...

OMG thank you, am so glad I'm not the only one who was pretty much underwhelmed with TD.... I actually didn'nt mind missing it which NEVER happened to me before during PR or TC for that matter.

Loving Shear Genius, strap yourselves in folks it's gonna be a bumpy ride!

jolene said...

please start a project shear genius blog? pretty please?

LauraandMichael said...

Damn you GayBoys -- I did NOT want to watch this show. I grew up -- literally -- in my mother's salon -this was NOT what I wanted to do!

I couldn't sleep last night and caught the last 20 minutes and bam, I knew I'd be sucked into your vortex. Damn!

I'd quit y'all if this blog wasn't so hysterical.

bungle said...

jolene said...

please start a project shear genius blog? pretty please?


You're Soaking In It!

SisterSin said...

Oh Tabatha would demolish Sally. She is a leopard reincarnated into human form. Celebrity Death Match anyone?! And yes it is amazing watching the "real" reactions on all the judges faces. priceless!
You boy's will make this blogging all to gay & wonderful. I will pass this site on to Tabatha herself! She will laugh her ass off!

SisterSin said...

OMG my panties are a shivering for tonight!!!

bitchybitchybitchy said...

I wasn't going to watch SG, but you convinced me to give it a chance, and boys, I am hooked-the bitchery, the melodrama, our little Cabbage Patch girl,Gay Frodo, my man Anthony, and truly kick-ass judges!

let the cutting begin!

James Derek Dwyer said...

I'd go straight for Ursa- she was fierce.

SeanNY said...

Rene is HAWT but he is taken. Rumor has it that he got this gig on Bravo because he is sleeping with the raccooned-eyed Allure guy Michael. I knew there had to be a reason to include the sexy version of Elmer Fudd on the show.
As for his expertise...he has none. Here is something that was left on the Bravo site by someone who apparently knows of Renes Career:
Carl Johnson
(April 12, 2007 05:06 PM)
Rene Fris' bio is a complete fabrication. He was a very minor stylist at Saks in 1999 and while there, fought with other stylists, was often late and always threatening to quit. He finally left in 2000, going to John Frieda. But let me assure you, he wasn't a "celebrityy sytlist" as his bio suggests: he got fired for not bringing in enough clients. No one followed him from Saks - a true testament to a stylists' worth.

Additionally, Rene's two style guides were not "best-sellers". A few thousand copies in Denmark (a country who's entire population is smaller than Manhattan) does not make an international best-seller.

I know that most bios include a bit of spin, but this bio is fraud.

David said...

WOW!! Thank you for the info on Rene, SeanNY. That explains a lot : - )

Anonymous said...

call me a bitch, but i don't understand what's so cool about a 50-year-old with a privileged background (see n.y. mag profile) playing at being a 23-year-old rock rebel. a little sad, maybe.

Crow Winters said...

Tabitha: Alien love child of Annie Lennox and Laurie Anderson.