2006 will be looked back on as the year of the outing. Unfortunately, as is the way of the media, much more
focus will be put on the tragic messes of Foley and Haggard, but we want to single out the ones who had the courage to do it on their own without any scandal whatsoever.Remember the '90s, when every actress, singer or comedian seemed to be coming out as a lesbian? We were of course thrilled for Melissa and Rosie and Ellen and kd, but we looked around and said "Where are the men?" and sadly concluded that it would be a long time before America would be ready to accept a rash of out male celebrities. Thankfully, it wasn't as long as we thought.
Lance, TR, and Neil? Thank you. Thank you for having the courage at a time when you belong to the second-most-vilified group in this country to just do it. Coming out is
the bravest, most important thing that any gay person can do and it is unimaginably more difficult when the person who's doing it is already in the public eye.Thank you for coming out with class and without any scandal whatsoever. No cheating on your wife, no being arrested in a public toilet, no blackmail schemes by hookers. Just a simple, "I'm gay and I'm happy." How motherfucking refreshing. After the community embarrassments of George Michael or Jim McGreevy or Mark Foley, just having you guys, you blessedly (relatively) normal guys, come out with so little fanfare or drama is such a gift to the rest of us.
Now granted, plenty of gays are going to (or already have) criticize you or tear you down, but that's just equal parts bitchery, jealousy and the all-too-common elevation of celebrities to a status they should never have.
Boys?
A little advice. Please do NOT become activists. That's not your job. Your job is to entertain us and thankfully, you seem to understand this for the most part. You want to help out the gays? Win an Emmy. Get yourself on the cover of TV Guide or People (for something other than your sexuality). Walk on the red carpet with your boyfriend. Be really good at what you do, avoid scandals or embarrassments, do your best to live a happy, out life and you will have accomplished more for the gay community than any speechmaking or marching you could do. Just be happy, fulfilled and successful (however you define those terms) and future actor fags and singer fags and entertainer fags will never even think of trying to lie about who they are and attempt to fool the public. Just be fabulous.Good luck to you boys and once again, thank you.
See? We're not total bitches, y'know.
61 comments:
That was perfect, Boys! Thanks for saying it.
I do hope they just keep doing their acting & entertaining thing and don't let gay become a soapbox.
That WAS perfect. It's wonderful that these guys simply said who they are and that they are happy. I take my hat off many times to them for their confidence and courage.
Great post guys.
The only way we'll change this heartless world is by being true to ourselves and demonstrating courage. These dahling men have that in spades.
Congrats to them and for your compassionate post.
I loved Doogie Howser soooo much...I thought, “Why the unnatural attraction to a teenage smarty-pants doctor.” Being the fag-hag that I am (you should see my junior prom date) I shoulda known…I had no idea that he came out, but good to know my gaydar is still in high gear…and good for him!
I was just reading an article in USA Today about Neil Patrick Harris and I was actually going to post a blurb about it on my blog, because you two are right. It is so refreshing to see a man who is being recognized for his pure normalcy and happiness with his life. How many TV stars can claim that? (Especially child stars?)
Here is a link to the article...
http://www.usatoday.com/life/television/news/2006-11-05-TV-gay-doctors_x.htm
Wow. That was really eloquent and sincere.
FYI: I didn't even know that Neil Patrick Harris was gay. This is the first I've heard about him coming out. That's how low-key and dignified he is. No huge billboard on Hollywood and Vine proclaiming "I'M GAY!"
I'm wondering who will be next to come out...
Well now you've done it! Most of the time I'm in hysterical convulsions reading your posts but now you've got me all teared up! But how true!
I can think of one guy from the 90's who came out in a dignified way, Dan Butler, who played Bulldog in Frasier. I always had a crush on him when I watched the show, then saw his one man show in Seattle and he had me swooning!
I love your advice to them too! Here's to long and happy lives and careers to them all!
Brian
I guess I live in my own private idaho. While I understand the significance to gay men and more importantly gay teenagers of having normal role models, especially in an age that equates the Foleys of the world with homosexuality.If I may rant, that man is not a homosexual, he is a predator who happened to like young men, call it what it is! I don't understand why we give a shit who anybody is sleeping with as long as everbody is a consenting adult and using appropriate protection. Sorry, lost friends to the plague and I get a bit testy! I don't want to know about Brit or Paris or Lindsay either. That said, I am glad there have been some guys who are willing to say -you liked me when you thought I was straight now what do you think!
Y'all, Boys & posters alike, have said it so much better than I ever could. So, I'll just say "Amen."
That was beautiful, guys! Absolutely fabulous.
I will raise a glass to Lance, TR and Neil (and the non-celebs who are coming out this year) and keep them in mind when I go VOTE today!
Thank you for this post. It has taken this country entirely too long to come this far. We still have many more miles to go. Thankfully, there is hope in the form of men like yourselves (and the one's mentioned in post). You are leading those not so ourageous by example.
Cheers, boys.
If gay men are the second most vilified group, then what's the first? Fat people or Catholics?
Okay, so I'll be the bitch about Lance. . .good for him coming out, BUT, in his People magazine article, he made a repeated point about emphasizing how he only liked "straight acting" men. . .which is cool if that is his taste. . .but I hate when gay guys first come out and feel the need to tell anyone who'll listen how they still like football and Nascar and how they only like manly men. . . I mean, hello, this is Lance talking. It's just so immature. TR and Doogie just did it so much better.
I'm just sayin' is all. . .
Catholics?
I'm guessing the boys mean muslims/arabs.
Thanks for emphasizing the positive, guys, but can we please have a moment of silence for us straight girls who are mourning the loss of Doogie Howser?
Okay. Guess that's enough. I'm pleased for all of them, that they are happy and healthy and wish them well.
I noticed that you didn't comment on the fact that only a few days previously, Neil's PR person vigorously denied that he was gay, and he's like, "Oh, yes, I am." Cool, without losing his head, and more like an afterthought. His elegance in his reaction only increases my crush! [okay, taking a little bit longer than a moment.]
I would cheer to see these guys on the red carpet--I loved nothing more than seeing the Will and Grace creator kiss his partner when they won that year.
Awww, I love you guys.
"but can we please have a moment of silence for us straight girls who are mourning the loss of Doogie Howser?"
I love NPH, too, but if you're this upset over Doogie...God help you when George Clooney finally comes out.
"but can we please have a moment of silence for us straight girls who are mourning the loss of Doogie Howser?"
All 2 of you?
blech. George is sooo not my type. Too much of a womanizer (literally and figuratively). It's the quiet, geeky ones (at least those that act that way) that grab my attention.
For some reason, this entry made me think of "Gay Justin" from Ugly Betty, the first openly gay preteen character on network TV? I anticipate a flurry of gay kids on TV...
Gentlemen,
I lift my glass to you.
Beautiful.
Too bad this discussion is still necessary. Tammy Lynn Michaels (Melissa's wife) made a comment on 1 of the chat shows that she's looking forward to when we all laugh about how quaint & backward the times were when gays couldn't marry!
Me too.
Magnificent. Thank you.
Because I want you two and everyone here to be free to be fabulous and divine as you naturally are, I voted on this most important of election days.
If you haven't yet done so, GIT R DONE. There's plenty of time.
VOTE
VOTE
VOTE
VOTE
VOTE!!!!!!
Let's take back our country for ALL our citizens.
I do think it's great that so many more celebrities are coming out, and even more so that many of us even missed it! I had no idea about Doogie, but it's so nice that a gay man can come out and it's no big deal.
That being said, our work is not done unless sports heroes feel equally free to come out. The only male sports stars who have come out have done so years after their careers were over. I gotta know about Derek Jeter!
I figured the most vilified peeps were the illegal immigrants, but I imagine the Muslims were probably the group the boyz meant.
I'm with BAB. VOTE!
ESPECIALLY if you're in a state trying to ban gay marriages and/or civil unions.
FWIW, NPH was forced to come out. A tabloid was harrassing his publicist. It pisses me off no end that gay celebs cannot come out on their own terms so much of the time. This has got to change.
I'm off to vote, sweeties! Must do my DEMOCRATic duty.
Great job guys ! I just have one question though. Who is TR ?
As for the most villified group, my guess would be child molesters and/or child abusers.
On that point about a character on "Ugly Betty" being the first openly gay teenager on a TV show: wasn't there a gay character on "My So-Called Life"? I thought there was, but I could be wrong...
"Anonymous said...
Great job guys ! I just have one question though. Who is TR ?"
TR Knight, he plays George on "Grey's Anatomy." (See guy in blue scrubs photo in blog post.)LOVE HIM!!!!!
Yomanda said...
On that point about a character on "Ugly Betty" being the first openly gay teenager on a TV show: wasn't there a gay character on "My So-Called Life"? I thought there was, but I could be wrong...
Yeah, the Latin boy. I don't remember his name, though.
I worked with a gorgeous man who was arrested at a gay bar in the Texas city where I lived. Rather than face the shame of being outed in the newspapers the next day he made bail and drove his car into a concrete bridge wall. Thirty years later and I can still make out the imprint of his headlights on that wall as I drive past it. I wish to God he could have come out with as much ease as NPH. I wish it had been easier for TR. I wish it was FUCKING UNNECESSARY to have to come out at all. It should be accepted and you should be left alone. I have never had anyone ask me about my sex life but I'm not gay so no one is interested. So it should be for you and it should have been for my friend. DAMN IT.
"A little advice. Please do NOT become activists."---PRGays
Well, who should be activists?
Seriously. You need public advocacy that will do a helluva lot better job than the crew that's been on the case. Let's review:
--states pass that anti-gay marriage crap last election.
--a sizable number of blacks and their civil rights crew are offended and alienated by being "co-opted" by the gay rights crowd.
--will and grace got canceled.
Look, the good news is this can be fixed. Just kick the PC addled minds to the curb. It's not "the more the merrier" all the time. Look at the success of ACT UP. It wasn't mass waves of humanity marching on the Mall in DC, but effective it was nonetheless.
I read somewhere that NPH wanted to dispel the 'rumor that I was straight.' Classic.
PS - NPR is doing a story on this very subject RIGHT now. You all totally beat them to the punch!
bungle,
IMO, ACTIVISTS should be activists, and actors should be ACTORS.
I used to be in love with Doogie Howser when I was in 9th grade. HA! That makes it even funnier for me to hear he's gay. It's as though in some bizarro world, I had my token fairy gayfather all along. I think I've found nirvana now.
When my children were younger - grade 3 or 4, they asked if we knew any gay people.
"Of course", I replied.
"Who?" they asked.
"That's just the point", I said. "We know a bunch of people who are our friends. They work and have lives and families and make art and music and put roofs on houses. It isn't important if they are gay or not. They are just good people."
Today, my straight daughters are activists for GLBT issues. Brava, my darlings.
Thank you for this post.
profp
Thank you for this post. I do hope everyone will get out there and vote today, as BAB and others have said.
Yomanda,
Wilson Cruz played the teen Rickie Vasquez on My So Called Life, but there have been others. Jack (Kerr Smith) on Dawson's Creek was gay and when you go to Europe there are others. This of course doesnt count the soaps
So many people are like "Lance Bass? Duh!" and "Doogie Howser? So what?", but until every gay person feels completely free to be themselves, the public ritual of "coming out" serves a very important purpose.
Peace to all who read this...
I almost squeezed a teardrop!
This couldn't have happened at a better time. After nearly ten years of trying to drag my "brother in spirit" out of the closet kicking and screaming, he started the coming-out process last year, and chose this year to tell his mother. Now, he's a strong, gorgeous, successful, sweet, brilliant, out and proud man, who's even recently joined a community HIV advocacy group.* Having male celebrities come out with a "yeah, I'm gay. And?" has helped my friend feel more validated. The world accepts them, just as my friend's family and friends accept him.
*Yes, that WAS an attempt to whore out my best friend. I'm appalled that he hasn't found Mr. Right yet. He's fabulous, and someone had BETTER recognize it, bitches!
Aw, how sweet, Divine. Thank you for sharing. My brother is gay : - )
Amen to every word!
I applaud you for your praise of the fearless actors who have come out this year. It's so refreshing, as you said, to have guys who are in the public eye, to come out without scandal. Thanks for a great post.
There have been quite a few openly gay teen characters on TV -- the original poster made the point that the Ugly Betty character is PRE teen.
Remember to look at progress at all angles. When Ellen came out it was such big news that she was on the cover of TIME. Now Lance comes out and it is just the latest on the cover of PEOPLE:). It is becoming less of a deal. What do you guys think of the internet gossip bloggers outing the celebs? I had a friend who told me he would come out (at work) when he was ready. A few years later it casually came up, but GOD it felt like forever. I'm a clueless hetero and really just want to respect privacy. But I'm glad when someone attacks consenting adults' lifestyles, THEIR lifestyle becomes fair game(Ted Haggard). I don't want to be on both sides of the fence. I really want to thank you for your community's outspokeness. You pretty much duct taped Dr. Laura's mouth shut and for that I'm forever grateful. Oh that and "Angels in America". I'm glad voter turnout is going well. I absenteed balloted and it is quite anti-climatic. I don't know when my vote will be counted, but I'm glad it is recorded. Stupid clueless hetero girl will shut up now. It's like I'm Amanda on this blogs comments:)
Oh, one more thing. (no I'm not Columbo either) Great posts everywhere, but The Other Redhead and Belle? Those were powerful. thanks!
I'm getting orgasmic about the exit poll results! I can't get my hopes up, though. I've been disappointed too many times (2000 and 2004) before.
Anonymous said...
bungle,
IMO, ACTIVISTS should be activists, and actors should be ACTORS.
That's cool, but I wasn't really attempting to counter the PRG's advice quote. Sorry if it came off like that.
-------------------------------
profp wrote: "It isn't important if they are gay or not. They are just good people."
That kind of sentiment comes from a place of wanting to be righteous, and it may wash with some on race matters, but you well know how important sexuality is to the core of personal identity. Minimizing something so close to the essential is bad news.
Amen, Amen, AMEN!!!
Yeah, hearing that these gentlemen were HAPPY was enough for me. What we need is to see couples of all kinds just hanging out, doing their thing, so the truth becomes evident: hetero is not the norm. There IS no norm, just humanity.
GREAT post and comments.
I'm looking forward to the day when we can just be who we are without judgement. Seems like people just have to villify some group so they can feel better about themselves. Wish humanity could get over that.
In the meantime, as a person who loves who she is attracted to (one smart person once said, "when you choose one sex or the other, you cut out half the loves in your life") I try to support gay/lesbian causes in my own little "activist" ways.
Love you guys. XOXOXO
PS: I voted :-) In Utah, the two parties are Conservative and Conservativer, sigh.
I've got to comment on bungle's response to profp's words. bungle, I don't think profp meant at all to diminish your or anyone else's sexuality & personal identity.
I read it the way I raised my daughter - that sure, she knew gays & lesbians and she knew they were, though at her stage of life in the late 80s/early 90s, my daughter was too young to fully understand what that really was. By 6th grade, she understood more than most straight kids, by attending school with a transgendered individual & my having lost so many friends to AIDS, and by high school was defending her friends as they came out to those who weren't raised in such accepting homes. Accepting - I don't like that word in this context - give me a better one.
So, sorry for the mini-rant & the length, but kudos to profp for helping to raise a generation that says guy/guy, gal/gal, guy/gal, I'm happy for you. Isn't that what we all want, at least over here at Project Gay? Boys, excellent post!
I think its great that these guys are open with their sexuality but what I find sad is that they were forced out of the closet, meaning that they were just living their lives and the gossip got a rumbling and they commented about what was being written...T.R. Knight because of an onset incident where Isaiah Washington used a derogatory term and the whole blowup with McDreamy and Isaiah got into the press and the offending words were tied to T.R. Secondly, evil Perez Hilton posts about 'closeted' actors daily , outing people that he believes to be gay. Eh. Yeah I'm not a gossip whore or anything...
I don't think TR came out because of the Isaiah Washington thing. He's from my hometown and many of my actor friends back there have known him for years. He's been out for years to anyone who cared to know, it's just that he's now on a much more public stage, so people actually care. I think if he acknowledged being gay a year ago, no one would have given a shit (you would have had a lot more comments like, "Who's TR?"). He's barely famous enough for anyone to care now (face it: most of you were like, "he's the other guy on Grey's Anatomy...no, the OTHER other guy"). Still, good for him for not hiding it.
Sad thing is, my state of Virginia just voted to exclude same sex marriage and restrict the rights of all singles who cohabitate.
Are we moving backwards or what in America?
Jules,
Profp didn't say anything about my orientation. Hetero dude ova heeya!
Profp gave a rundown on what is important and not, and there's no way I agree with that. In pursuing the answer to the question: what is important? my tactic is to think of things to give up and in what order.
A dream career or me in love with women? Uh, two weeks notice signed "take this job and shove it". 50 guaranteed extra years of life or women? Gimme a break... I'll take the ladies and never look back.
So NPH finally came out! Wow how am I not surprised? He made my gaydar go BEEP anyways haha
Either way I love them gay guys that come out in a low-key non-scandalous way. It's really no big deal, and people shouldn't think it's one either.
great post, greta blog....XXXOO to the boys
This blog is dedicated to outing closeted politicans who vote against gay issues while pandering to the ultra-right wing freaks
http://www.blogactive.com/
When did Neil Patrick Harris come out? Was that when I was on vacation?
First of all let me say, that I agree with what you say and it is nice that they feel comfortable and unashamed in their lifestyles.
But, I mean, a lot of actors are gay... is it news? Why is it a big media firestorm every time one comes out of the closet?I think we're still a little backwards when stuff like "that short guy from Grey's Anatomy is gay!" makes the news. I would be like, if every time a celebrity dated outside of his or her race it still made the news.
I for one would absolutely love it if I saw a gay actor take his partner to a red carpet event without really talking about it. Like, this person is part of my life and it's perfectly normal... not "news". I think that would be ideal and would reflect true acceptance and progress.
just getting back to the blog after being out of town for a few days - Thanks, Jules, for understanding that I wasn't, in any way, beng self-righteous in my post. In the incident I described, my children were 8 or 9 years old - not ready to understand the full concept of living in a society of prejudice, but beginning to wonder what it meant when kids used "gay" as an obvious put-down.
I'm not going to take up T&L's space to explain all the ways that I've raised my children, my understandings of the socio, political, legal, emotional and famililal challenges that all kinds of prejudice engender - I'm just trying to say that there are boatloads of us out here trying to raise our children to see PEOPLE first: not gender, race, wealth.
Lord knows there are assholes in all walks of life. We had better teach our children (and parents and neighbors and employers) that to assume that someone is a lesser being because that person is identified with a particular group is JUST. PLAIN. WRONG.
profp
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