The Tom & Lorenzo Archives: 2006 -2011
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Wreunion Wrapup


Let's wrap this tawdry little puppy up, shall we?

Item 1: Who is this year's winner of the Persimmon Princess Crown?


"I am!"


"Bitch, you KNOW I am."

Oooh, that's a tough one. The Duchess could get it on longevity alone, but Kaynebow rallied at the end, unveiling a nuclear orange that might just land him the coveted sash and crown. Readers?


Item 2: Execution Music


It was cute how Alison pounded along to the beat of the execution music, but it reminded us that it's time for it to go. Are you listening, Bravo? Those "winner" and "loser" themes are tired. That jangly guitar that plays every time the winner is announced makes us want to put flowers in our hair and head for San Francisco and that techno pounding leading up to the auf'ing sounds like Darth Vader's going to come out and lop off a designer's hand.

Oh, and Girl? Those boots? FIERCE!


Item 3: Dainty Little Models


Oh sure, everyone assumes that the models drop like flies because they're hungry. This is clearly not the case because models are genetically superior creatures that require little in the way of food. Some nuts and berries a couple of times a week and they're good. The rest of their nutrition comes from oxygen, which they take in from the gills behind their ears.


No, it's not hunger that fells the mighty model. It's drama.

You see, a model's brain has a highly developed "drama cortex." The parts of the brain that you and I might use to...say, remember people's names or fill out tax forms, is, in the brain of a model, taken over by an evolutionary impulse that ensures that the model is the center of attention at all times. This is an ancient survival response that kicks in whenever the model's body feels threatened by inattention. This response can take the form of fainting spells, taking a header on the runway, crying jags and in its most extreme form, Tyra Banks.

Every 13 seconds another model suffers from lack of attention. Please educate yourself on this serious issue. Tell your friends: PAY ATTENTION TO MODELS.
Their very livelihoods depend on it.

Right, Amanda?


*snnff*
87 comments:

You see, a model's brain has a highly developed 'drama cortex.'"

Ha! Ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

As Angela would say, "Love, THAAAAT ..."

Cheers, you guys.


I say there should be a tanning spray shootout between Michael "Cheeto Man" Kors and Kayne "Princess Pinking Shears" Gillaspie. the most orange one at the end wins the title of Persimmon Princess. OMG, you guys are riotous! How will I get through my days when the series is over and you're not blogging about PR? Please address this issue!
kath


Your "model" definitions were too perfect! Bravo!
Am I the only one that thinks Tyra Banks is WAY over the top? I know we are here to discuss PR not America's Next Top Model but Tyra is too good (in a bad way) to ignore. She comes accross so rehearsed, with her artificial sincerity and faux concern for the girls. She does take the trophy as drama queen, specially when she decides to incorporate her inner actress. (Hold on I need to throw up)...better now...
What about when, at the end of the show, she has to announce who is going home and she totally puts on this little girl voice. She talks with this "I don't wanna do this but I have too" voice that is so condescending that makes me want to throw a brick through the TV screen!


I vote for Kayne. The Queen is dead, long live the Queen.

Oh yes, that music desperately needs an update.

I will continue to ignore models because I have no heart.


my new band is called DRAMA CORTEX


Janice Dickinson's drama cortex must be quite overdeveloped.

I often wonder if The Duchess tans himself (out of the bottle, of course) or if the makeup people give him a few sun kisses. Kayne obviously idolizes The Duchess.


Knew those Mystic Tans were too good to pass up!


"Mirror Mirror, on the wall, who's the orangest Queen of all???"

Watch out Kayne, you're younger and prettier. Kors might go all Evil Stepmother on your ass and send a hunter out to cut out your heart!


"Execution music"
and
"You see, a model's brain has a highly developed "drama cortex."

ROFL. I LOVE IT!


I wonder if there's a reality show musician who comes up with all of this cheesy music for all of these shows. I mean, I know why they drag out elimination scenes. It makes for better TV and more drama. But ALL of them need to seriously rethink some of their music choices. The music borders on something you might be forced to listen to while riding in an elevator...or sitting in a dentist's chair.


Bravo and NBC should definitely run PSAs for model lack-of-attention syndrome. It's so sad!

I think Michael Kors has to win for how spectacularly uneven his orange glow is. He's completely missed his upper lip and chin. That's a look that says, "Screw you; I'm not even pretending to look natural!"


Kaynebow, honey. From one redhead to another, you MUST understand: red hair and tans? DON'T. GO. TOGETHER. It's one or the other sweetie. Sorry.

I'm going to guess that your chicken is always overdone, right?


Redheadgirl,

I agree. With most red hair, a very soft peaches and cream complexion looks best. And he looks like he might have beautiful skin underneath all of that spray-on and bronzer.


I think Duchess is waaaaaay more orange than Kayne. Kayne is too cute! I agree about the models' drama (oh, puhleeze!), and I like the PR execution music! Not a fan of the guitary music though....but what do you prefer? Tacky game show Jeopardy theme music? LOL How about a laugh track of Malan when the designer gets auf'd?

One last comment, beware of Alison...she is not as cute as she seems, especially since she is good friends with King of Snark!


Completely agree with redheadgirl and the other anonymous.

I'm redheaded and pale myself. With red hair and a tan, you look like an orange popsicle. Just. all. one. color.

Kayne's arms are pale in pictures that I've seen of him, and they've remained that way, while his face gets progressively more carrot-like, so obviously he has tanning-continuity issues.


Orange or not, it looks like Kaynebow sat up and took notice of his man-boob situation... girlfriend has been working OUT! I would kill my own mother to have that profile and chiseled jawline. Well, I might not kill her, but I'd certainly be willing to go cheap on her Christmas gift this year. Kayne is HOT!!


Maybe it's my imagination...or his haircut, but I swear Queen Kor-ita is developing Elf ears! I think Mr. Kors has become a Mecurachrome Mentor to Kaynebow!!! Yes, as one redhead to another...honey, if the tan ain't natural, DON'T do it!

And btw, PRGBoys...I want an ALP bib in an ADULT size!!!


ooooh, methinks Kaynebow has become to "matchy-matchy"....all he needs now is that coral necklace he made for Michael's Mama and that tangerine superhero cape...ouch, my retina is burning just thinking of it!


OMG...I love it when you refer to "The Duchess". That gets me every time. I think you guys should take this blog and make it in to a book and sell it for coffee tables everywhere as a companion to the Tim Gunn bobblehead. Did I just see some merchandising on the cover? I spent all weekend with my other gay boyfriends who kept quoting you guys "We're gay, we judge, that's what we do". You should copyright it! Snort! Been traveling so glad to be back home w/ my Boys! Got some catchin up to do. Muah!


... in its most extreme form, Tyra Banks.

Hilarious!
Love this blog more every day!

hm... Am I the only one getting a Matthew McConaughey vibe from Kaynebow?


Considering Kors' aka "The Great Pumpkin" desperate need for the juice to assuage any attention to his growing girth, I think he gets the trophy.
I do wish the darling Kaynebow would take a page from La Laura's book and leave the Mystic Tan at the curb. With gorgeous skin, eyes and bone structure like that who needs paint? He's almost as pretty as Austin Scarlett (who is lovingly labeled in our house "Florence of Arabia").

PRGays, w/ "highly developed 'drama cortex'" you now officially rule.
As a former model, I salute thee.


Last night I was channel surfing (hey, the DH is out of town!) and came across the old Designing Women show. In this scene Annie Potts asks Delta Burke how she can tell if someone's gay just by his name. To this Delta Burke replied "Kayne's a gay name. *Everyone* knows that." Made me LOL but you had to be there.


" Gigi said…

Last night I was channel surfing (hey, the DH is out of town!) and came across the old Designing Women show. In this scene Annie Potts asks Delta Burke how she can tell if someone's gay just by his name. To this Delta Burke replied "Kayne's a gay name. *Everyone* knows that." Made me LOL but you had to be there."


That's funny, Gigi. It's definitely a "gay name."


gigi! That is hilarious! I think we need a video clip of that somewhere in PR-land. LOL! Great find!


Kayne totally wins for persimmon queen, just because of the CHANGE. Clearly self-tanners were among the contraband and since there wasn't a conspiracy against Kayne, his lotions weren't returned.


Mystic Tan? It looks more to me like the Earl Scheib $29.95 Weekend Special. And bless their li'l hearts, they went back for a 2nd coat.


I know this off point but I have a question.

Will we or won't we learn who the winner is tonight?

I just went to the Bravo site and they said the Finale - Part One is tonight. Part one? That implies a part two is next.

I thought we would learn the results tonight!!


Daaaymn,
You are the reason I get out of bed every morning. I was going to suggest that you do a top ten list why you watch PR. My heart sank when I was Item 1. etc..How long you are going to keep outdoing yourselves. ROFL.
So, before you run out of new material, Please3 do a top ten list.
My personal fav is to watch when Angela is going to run out of bubble skirts/fleurchon pants. I can smell the auf coming.
Did I mention how muchiloveyouguysandmeanit. You crazy.


And speaking of Suzanne Sugarbaker, specifically the Supremes episode, maybe orange is the new black.


OMFG. The parts about the gills and the drama cortex were PRICELESS. Don't you think this would make a good PSA?


I know more than a few people who have a highly developed "Drama Cortex." Not models, but queens.


speaking of the hard life of models... freaking hilarious:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-cqUj99zMI


OMG. Can't. stop. laughing. Funniest PRG post? It's a toss-up between this one and the Bitch Mommies. I still laugh every time I read Laura say to Heidi, "Too bad you can't buy a better weave." You guys rock!


I'd like to comment on Michael Kors' skin tone.

W. T. F? He has a lot of fake tan and/or bronzer on, but for the reunion show, it looked like someone applied yellow-ish pancake makeup unevenly. Like, not even rockin a fake tan...rather, he looked like a BAD undertaker got to him.


diane in seattle

the production music is really not bad when you compare with other shows, tho any dork with a yamaha motif can come up with pre fab sounding loops... i frankly think that each designer, judge, mentor, hostess should have their own unique theme song, and that the composer challenge would be entwining the themes meaningfully reflecting the drama (vincent, psycho string section stabs, laura, big band over girl punk, jeffery, a sampled angry baby whining and crying dance mix with 1950's bad school film announcer every 30 seconds or so with a message conveying the evils of alcohol and drugs, michael, a 70's barry white/isaac hayes groove ("i'm gonna make love to ya (wo)man!"), angela, jefferson airplane and crazy calliope blend to create the jubilee jumbles theme song, kayne, a fusion of scissor sisters, elton john and elvis presley, tim, henry mancini-like, elegant, smashing cocktail sophisticated stuff, with a real orchestra, no fake strings for my Timmy!etc. etc... you can see how a project production music could come to life... (bravo producers, i am 'diane in seattle', and i'd love to make it work!)


Once again, we guys made me spit out my coffee (but not through my nose this time...I have learned to swallow).

"Earl Scheib...2nd coat" made me spit out more coffee.

This site is better than Sean Cody.


Missy, Missy, Missy! If you are getting a Matthew McConnaghy vibe from Kaynebow? Put the bronzer down. It's infiltrated your brain...and I mean that in the nicest possible way.


I'm voting for Kaynebow. Anyone who can drop like 1000lbs and work out and have style and flair and STILL be living in Oklahoma gets my vote. It's easy to be fabulous in NYC bitches, but try pulling it off in the sticks!

Ps.. out here in SF we keep that stringy joan baez-esq guitar music regulated to the Haight for all the tourists.


"FIT GRAD said...
This site is better than Sean Cody."


LOL. Now that's a compliment.


I believe that this is the eighth post in a row where Laura is not a principal player. I'm going through fabulousness withdrawal!


Sorry to be so prolific, but I think I can see Angela's ass in the Execution photo. Gag me with a fleurchon!


"Kelicious said...
I'm voting for Kaynebow. Anyone who can drop like 1000lbs and work out and have style and flair and STILL be living in Oklahoma gets my vote. It's easy to be fabulous in NYC bitches, but try pulling it off in the sticks!"

OH. MY. GOD. That is so funny, Kelicious. I love the commenters on this blog.


Thank you for the anthropology lesson in models. I love how Heidi doesn't even bother to mentor the models on the show. "You too, you are either in or you are out...on a train..."


"redheadgirl said...
Sorry to be so prolific, but I think I can see Angela's ass in the Execution photo. Gag me with a fleurchon!"

Ooh, you are correct. That is a too-much-tootie near-miss. Someone please give this woman an etiquette lesson on how to sit in a bubble skirt.


Rule 1: Don't wear a bubble skirt.


You know that Seal is the one playing the guitar. He just sits behind the set with some drummer guy they found on the street. That's Seal's purpose: playing the guitar for Project Runway winners. And knocking up Heidi.


I was just at Walgreen's and what to my wondering eyes should appear?

A 30ish year old woman wearing a bubble skirt! Oy vey!


Regarding Angela's ass-showing:

That's not her ass, it's her left knee. She has her right leg crossed over it, holding her right knee up.

Rise from in front of the toilets, my fellow bloggers, it's only her knee. Which is bad enough. Considering it's Angela.


Wow, Camila looks very tall and skinny in that picture. I didn't think she was that tall. She's one of my favorite models. I also think she was perfect for Laura.


BTW, I think those are Laura's shoes, right? They're gorgeous.


OK, maybe no one's mentioned this because it's too awful to think about but what about Marilinda's hand on Jeffrey's leg! It's just so weird! Grab his hand if you need to but his calf? Hey, suck on his toe while you're down there! And I can just hear Uli, Nazri and Camilla thinking in unison, "If she moves that hand up, I'm gonna hurl!"

And the way Jeffrey's standing! Straight boys just don't stand with the hand on the hip, WRIST UP! It's so Patricia Neal in Breakfast at Tiffany's! I've always thought he needs a big leather Daddy to keep him in line.

Oh I also think the Dutchess hasn't shaved and that's why his Mystic Tan looks pale around his chinny, chin, chin! White stubble.

Great post you guys!

Brian


Ok, if I can find some self-tanner that doesn't turn orange, you'd think the MK could! Ugh.

I knew Camilla was tall, but geez girl....her knees are at the same level as Jeffrey's crotch. And her waist is at his armpit. Good grief, just how tall is she?


"And the way Jeffrey's standing! Straight boys just don't stand with the hand on the hip, WRIST UP! It's so Patricia Neal in Breakfast at Tiffany's! Brian "

I noticed that too. Kind of strange for a straight guys.


Camilla is wearing heels. However, I think there is more one reason why Jeffrey is called the peanut.

I also noticed Marilinda's hand on his calf. It seems to be a much more knowing and affectionate gesture than someone who is just a friend.

I kind of feel bad for Marilinda because she is so young and has so much potential. I would feel bad for her if she got mixed up with Jeffrey.

Regarding Jeffrey's sexuality, he's pretty clear on his myspace that he is confused about his orientation. And in the manner of Seinfeld, "Not there is anything wrong with that!"


diane in seattle, i hope you get the job!


That, by far, is the funniest thing I've heard in a loonnggg time. Thank you for that.


that's a cute picture of jeffrey.


funconditional

The original score of the show is one of it's trademarks, to change it would sacrifice continuity from seaswon to season. Perhaps they could remix it a little, maybe add a layer or two, but it is totally synonymous with the show's runway judging scenes.


Scroll down to the picture where Kors is sitting next to Nina. His hands are white....and yet, he's a pumpkin head


"Persimmon Princess" and then "Drama Cortex". OK, boys, that's it, that's end. I now formally renounce everything and anything except worshipping your website. Nothing else can compare. You are the funniest people who have ever lived. PLEASE start blogging every other show on TV. Tell me what to watch, I will obey. Just make it happen. The only thing I ask for in return is MORE.


Oh, and I LOVE creamsicles (orange on the outside, white on the inside), but this is ridiculous.


Now I know why Michael chose Clarissa over Amanda. (Although I think Clarissa's pretty fierce too.) Mikey didn't want the dra ha ma.

Kaynebow is clearly a Duchess in training. MK should win the great pumpkin award. I mean he looks orange against a maroon backdrop. Who can beat that????

And I know you've heard it before, but ya'll are fabulous.

kiss kiss,
lemniscus


Thank you, Thank you for the merchandise site!! That needs it's own screen cap!! Two Mugs are on their way to my house! Thanks!!! I said I'd buy the mug!!

Love you and thanks!!

BTW, we should go offline someplace for the finale! My place is fabulous, but in NJ. I'm in Freehold, not too far from Philly. Seriously, I think lots of people would make a road trip to watch the finale and meet you boys...I would!
Doreen


Fnarf said…
"...I now formally renounce everything and anything except worshipping your website. Nothing else can compare. You are the funniest people who have ever lived. PLEASE start blogging every other show on TV. Tell me what to watch, I will obey."

I'll second that!


You guys are great!! I do think however that Michael Kors is the Persimmon Princess, he is so orange that he looks sick. Too much fake-and-bake!!


The theme music sounds like the little sound clips that come with Microsoft Powerpoint....

Every time I hear them that's what I think of.


I had to re-read the Wreunion Wrapup again…it is too funny…

Leave it to the fab-glam duo to pick the perfect fruit to make a point…Persimmon! Double Yummy!! This also makes a good wall color in a Tuscan Home or a great linen color for a chic autumn brunch.

I don’t know what was hotter Allison’s boots or Kayne’s cheekbones? Both were way aesthetically pleasing.

When Allison started pounding to the beat of the drum, I thought was at a circuit party where E-veryone moves to the beat in that up and down motion.

Amanda…what can you say….didn’t every gay boy have friend like her in high school? Oh, and the pain, the pain of being reminded of her look in the recycle challenge. The one-eyed green monster...yikes.

Angela, and that picture...looks likes she's pushing duiring giving birth to a lump of coal.

Your site just makes me feel proud…go on sisters, rock on. Plus that drawing of you guys is like Colt darwings in the 70's...luv it


Jeffrey DEFINTELY did Marilinda. Its written all over their faces.


that model thing....and that darth vader thing....and those boots.......andandand.....HAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahahehhehhehahhhhhhhhhh...


yeah. it was funny.


Thank you, thank you, thank you! I had a pretty crappy day and then I get to see this, which made me laugh. I needed that. :)

Loveyameanit!


Good still showcasing Alison's monoboob. I hated that outfit.


I agree anon 8:54. It looked like a Pilgrim's maternity dress.


Bless their hearts, indeed. I think Laura also needs some help the red hair with the too orange makeup.

Kayne works it and inhabits it, while Kors tries to hide it and deny his Persimmon Princessness.


Tangerine Buffoon! MK wins, orange hands down.


That other red head

Jeffrey's description of his sexual orientation on his site is "not certain" so the assumption that he is straight may be an error.


right on with the models! "... and in extreme cases, Tyra Banks." hahaha.


Of course Tyra is over the Top...
"SUPERMODEL'S kicked azz and then some in the 90's and she was part of that whole era. If TYRA wasn't "over the Top" she'd still be sitting in an apartment in Crenshaw, maybe scratching off lottery tickets, to get money for a ticket in the high nose bleed seats for a Lakers Game. The FASHION BUSINESS, Movie Business and SHOW BUSINESS is Over the Top, it's full of Drama Queens, Drag Queens,Wannabees,Artists,Writer's,Actors,Models,etc....that's why it makes monnnnnnnnnnnnnnnney and has been around in some form since man could write on cave walls. New York City is over the Top, Las Vegas in Over the Top, Paris is Over the Top...SuperModels are supposed to be Over the Top ....that's why they didn't get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day!


Girl please - you KNOW Kayne won that crown, he IS the Pagent Diva, after all. Plus, The Duchess's tint outclasses Kayne's Orange-Glo by just a smidge. I love Kayne, but the boy admits to being white trash -- we can't expect him to adhere to reason when he comes from the land of K-Fed and Britney (and bitches, I'm from Atlanta, so before you yell at me for maligning the South, I know for a fact it's possible to grow up around rednecks without EVER becoming one). Gotta love him though, Kayne = Awesome.

As for the music -- I keep wondering how much money they are paying Heidi -- I mean, the show is a hit, you'd think they would stop using shit from the "Royalty Free Muzak's Gretest Hits" CD. Still, Allison and her boots (I want, I want) made it palatable.


Did anyone ever stop to question whether or not I actually was feeling sick? Because I was. It was for real. I am not a drama queen. Nor a hypochondriac. Oh, and those production bitches took my exit interview (yes, i had one) - right after i was aufed - of course i was crying, wouldn't you? - and show it under "drama." NOT NICE. It was a sensitive moment!


I don't know if that's actually Amanda posting or not, but I thought you PRGayBoys were really harsh and cruel, even for your fabulous selves.... especially after fashion week when you couldn't gush enough over her.

Amanda, honey, you rock and don't let nobody tell you otherwise.


I am DYING here!!!!! The 'nuts and berries..... oxygen..." copy is right there at the top, boys!

I'm a former PLUS SIZE model, and let me tell you, those girls HATED me - I could actually eat a meal before a shoot. One time we shooting a big Target Holiday thing, and we were in a studio that also did food styling - those girls circled that vaselined turkey like vultures from a third-world country.

I Love this blog, PRGboys - I'll miss you. I plan to read it every time there is a PR re-run on! Oh, wait, if I do that, I'll never get out of the house!

ProfP


Best. Post. Ever.

The Drama Cortex is brilliant and also explains the behavior of most America's Next Top Model contestants. :)

Thank you guys so much for brightening my day!


Its funny you mention every thirteen seconds, because every thirteen seconds something else occurs that effects more of the American population with such dramatizing results as to require a foundation dedicated to finding its cure. Sorry other bloggers, I won't go into details, but in a drunken stupor at gay labor day bbq, Tom and I founded this very foundation.

But what eles is the only heterosexual girl to do at such an event, but dish with the queen of snark.


Sarah,

It's true, I totally stole the "13 seconds" line from our ongoing joke, but I'll let you have the www.every13seconds.org domain name for future use. Deal?

And no, it still hasn't fallen off.


PERSIMMON PRINCESS!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

DRAMA CORTEX!!! TEEHEEHEEHEEHEEE!!!

You guys totally rule!!!!!


Does anyone know who the music that Uli used in her runway show was? I thought it was interersting and pretty





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