Kayne and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Princess Pinking Shears really fell apart this week, didn't she?

There, there, little Kaynebow.

Hey, you know what? That color looks really good on you. Yes, we know you love color because you're from the South, but you haven't always wielded color wisely when dressing yourself. Pink and orange are not good colors for someone who's...well, pink and orange.

You should lose the choker, though.



Anyway...HONEY. That DRESS.

Oh, we can't even rip it that much. Laura did a better job than we ever could, anyway. So did you, for that matter. It's just SUCH an explosion of bad taste, y'know?

Still, there's something a little "Academy Awards '72" about it. It almost/sorta could have worked with different color choices.

"Tim Gunn said mean things about my dress!"

Aw, this warmed our cold, bitchy hearts. We've all been there, Kaynebow. Just remember what they taught us in the handbook: "I am FIERCE and FABULOUS and I NEVER LET THEM SEE ME CRY!" Although we have to admit, if you had collapsed into big wracking, drag queen sobs, it's quite possible we would have spontaneously combusted from pure entertainment overload. Kudos to you for holding it together, girl. On-camera, anyway.

But then you did something you really, really shouldn't have.

You got into it with Bad Mommy.

Sweetie, she eats her young. Now, far be it from us to cast aspersions on the smack-talking abilities of our Oklahoma sisters, but Laura is definitely operating on a different sphere of smack. Even we would approach her warily. Like a caged tiger. In a beaded cocktail dress.

Jeez, there's a lot of junk food on that table. No wonder everyone was so cranky this week.

In the end, you prevailed, due in no small part to your orange-hued fairy godmother, Duchess Kors herself, stepping in and defending you. And all that stress you'd been holding in came out in one tiny explosion of drama-queeninity:

Oh, Mary. Get a hold of yourself, your slip is showing.
They're not taking her out back and shooting her, for God's sake.

And hey, look on the bright side.

At least you figured out a way to shut her up.