Tuesday, January 09, 2018 by
Oh, how DELICIOUS that Kelly Garrett took the whole challenge last week so personally!

"*sigh* As you know, I was disappointed with the Charlie's Angels challenge."

"Because of your base lack of consideration of the magnitude of that challenge, the Allure Wall of Fame will be empty this week. Do you hear me? EMPTY."

"You have failed the mighty Angel tradition and my heart weeps. I - I can't look at you - any of you. Please just go. GO!"

Okay, what the fuck.

We're starting to think that the one thing we loved most about last season - the inventive challenges - is sadly lacking this season.

Why, Lady Bird is just disgusted, y'all. This is unheard of!

Also, this is gross.

Tonight, Wigstand #1 will blend her salty tears with corn syrup and coconut oil on her pillowcase as she quietly cries, clutching a bottle of Two Buck Chuck and waiting for the pills to kick in. Tomorrow, she will call out sick from work because she'll be stuck to her pillow with a raging hangover and nauseated from the pervasive smell of coconut.

Sad, really.

Look at her. She's in complete shock, poor thing.

But congrats to Paulo anyway!

They must've had security or police officers on set because Wigstand #2 looked like she wanted to beat Nicole to within an inch of her life.

Can you fucking BLAME her?

At least Paulo's was a little hairshow-y and conceptual. This look is like Gladys Kravitz after a bender during Fleet Week.

Y'all, Lady Bird is just so excited about this challenge! Aren't those dogs just the cutest little things you ever saw?

We, on the other hand, thought it was a little lame. Although we have to admit it was pretty amusing watching each wigstand's smile tighten up as each stylist pointed out how she looks like her dog. Humiliation. The very cornerstone of reality television.

Congrats to Dee!

It's maybe just a little too poofy and a little too safe, but you done the job, girl.

And honey, lighten up a little. Sure, Charlie's doing everything he can to push every button he sees, but you don't have to treat every challenge like you're Patton invading Sicily.

Nekisa, honey...much as we love you...

It was time to go. You can't wind up in the bottom 2 in 95% of the challenges and not realize that the clock is ticking for you.

But chin up, girl. We think you're probably a great hairdresser in real life. Fun, talkative, attentive to the client and loaded with ideas. It's just that reality television ain't for everyone, even if they are really entertaining.

What is this, Riverdance?

"I'd like to sing a little song before I go. I think it really sums up --"

"Nekisa, I'm weary. Please get out."


Post a Comment


Anonymous said...

As far as riverdance... anyone else notice how Charlie's managed to bend his wrist at a totally unnatural angle to avoid touching Nekisa more than necessary?

lovemesometlo said...

Love the last comment you gave to Jaclyn! Bye bye Nekisa.

Congrats to Paulo on the shortcut challenge. It all looked so gross, but you made the most of it!

And I love how Daniel just embraces every challenge and makes it fun!

Anonymous said...

I am dying. I love love love anything you have re: Lady Bird. These screen caps were genius. And "after a bender at Fleet Week" had me in tears.

I don't get the challenges...WHY would anyone let someone else put corn syrup in their hair? Caramel? ANCHOVIES?! Wtf, Sheer Genius! I'm waiting for a wigstand to grab the scissors and attack Lips of Vo the next time he asks to touch their hair.

Anonymous said...

Nekisa needed to GO. I especially enjoyed her parting comments "Waffles, you @!#%$%, you got me kicked off the show". No, darling. YOU got you kicked off the show. Don't blame it on the poor puppydog.

My second favorite was Dee skipping, running, shoving to be the first to give her a long goodbye hug. Great reality drama... these people are just living in their own fantasy world.

AnninMpls said...

"Nekisa, I'm weary. Please get out."
I'm at work and not allowed to fall on the floor laughing!
I have to say to Nekisa's credit...I liked her.
I can't explain why but I did like her and I rooted for her all the way (to the chagrin of the friends I watched with) but with that job she did last night I was weary and ready to see her leave.

Anonymous said...


Hutchlover said...

This challenge was one of the worst! I can see cutting the owner's hair to look like the dog, but to groom the dog as well? I call BS. They're two totally different fields.

And what dog owner in their right mind would let a hairdresser groom their precious baby!?

No way one of these people is going anywhere near my Bichon!

TG Nekisa is finally gone, though. She just made me sick with all her excuses and whining.

Skeptical Cat said...

I loved Lady Bird crooning to the dog about how pretty his hiney was!

Also, on the short cut... if anyone ever approached me with TUNA as a product... omg
I have some utterly foul and juvenile remarks about smelly fish hair that I will just keep to myself.

Anonymous said...

Oh gosh, but you made me laugh. I was out being social last night and not able to watch either PR or most of SG, but of what I saw of the cuttery crew, you distilled the two odd challenges down to their essence. Boy, I needed the lunacy you deliver so dependably on this plodding workday.

What would ever possess a Wigstand to agree to have food products glopped onto their hair - yukeroo. I think I recollect, from decades past, some sort of mayo conditioner, but... mustard? A gaffe at the baseball stadium, followed by a beer rinse.

The Riverdance cap really cracked me up.

Mille thanks, TLo,

All the best,


Jeffrey Bryan said...

Your favorite thing about last season was the inventive challenges? Seriously? I am *dying* due to a lack of Evangeline... one of my fave reality contestants on any show ever!

brilliant said...

This post was sheer genius boys! I tried so hard to suppress laughs here at work that my stomach is killing me.

I agree with hutchlover. Glad to see Nekisa and her unending string of excuses go.

Anonymous said...

Kelli's wigstand looked like any woman from a certain religious denomination here in my area (minus the makeup). If any of them watched the show, they would have cried out, "I want that hair!"

C'est moi, c'est moi Lola said...

"And honey, lighten up a little. Sure, Charlie's doing everything he can to push every button he sees, but you don't have to treat every challenge like you're Patton invading Sicily."

Precisely why I haven't really warmed up to Dee as a contestant.

All I have to say is that this is further proof that the wigstands are drugged. Anybody coming at me with flour, honey, corn syrup or avacado is going to get a scissors where the sun don't shine. And don't even get me started on the hair testicles....

Now I just fear for Paulo and Nicole. I think Ladybird will squeak by to the final three, but the two of them really have to start pulling stuff out of a magic hat.

It was nice, however, to see Rene's nipples make another appearance....

lynette said...

Well, she went out as only Nekisa would! Blamed the lil' $#%^@ing dog.

We're down to five and I STILL can't think of who will be our final three. I am hoping that Paulo & LadyBird make it, only because I adore them both and want to see them all the way through.

Bill said...

I assumed that Nicole was styling her wigstand to look like Kathy Bates as Molly Brown in Titanic. When she added the squid, I thought, "You idiot, Molly Brown got off in a lifeboat and survived Titanic." Luckily, Nicole realized the very same thing and took the squid out.

Roo said...

c'est moi, c'est moi lola said...
All I have to say is that this is further proof that the wigstands are drugged. Anybody coming at me with flour, honey, corn syrup or avacado is going to get a scissors where the sun don't shine. And don't even get me started on the hair testicles....

I couldn't agree more!

Boys, you had me laughing out loud with your recap. Thank you!

Skeptical Cat said...

Nicole's client had some fierce shoes on during the hairshow.

kjt said...

I realize that Nekisa had to go, but I liked her-- i really did. She seems like the most genuine, real one on the show. She had enough class to hold hands w/ charlie at the end-- I wouldn't have-especially with how mean he had been to her. I would have also neglected to hug him at the end. I noticed that Nicole didn't move a muscle to hug Nekisa. At least Paulo and Lady Bird are still there-- otherwise I would stop watching, everybody else is really mean, and they don't need my attention.

Anonymous said...

Was it just me, or did the producers in their infinite "creativity", re-workthe PR "dog as an accessory challenge"??

I almost didn't get to the elimination challenge after watching the Iron Chef short cut.
I was too busy gulping down Zantac with a chaser of Pepto Bismol. The squid did it for me! BURP!

Suzanne said...

This was one of the funniest SG posts ever!!!!
Did anyone see the look on Lady Bird's face after Jacklyn Smith chastised them for their crappy work last week??
Nekisa didn't do one decent 'do since the beginning ...its about friggin time.

Cheri said...

I couldn't agree more about the disappointment in the challenges.

Where are the actual hair show challenges? The amazing things they came up with in their first season? Shoot, if you can't come up with enough, just do all of the original ones over. Admit this is what we test you on, be prepared.

another laura said...

Raw seafood? Really, Shear Genius? gawd almighty

It was time for Nekisa to go. And yeah, real class, blaming the poor doggie for her getting the heave-ho. hohoho

LittleKarnak said...

I did love Jaclyn totally crushing Lady Bird with her disappointment, he looked like someone shot his dog. And speaking of dogs, I thought the whole point of a good haircut was to avoid looking like a dog?? Or maybe I missed the point of the challenge as I kept dozing off out of sheer boredom. Surely they can come up with some more creative yet real world challenges?

kath said...

What was up with Jacklyn's hair last night? It looked awful during the elimination.
I Am Loving Ladybird! He is the best thing about the show this season.
Also feel good about Nekisa leaving. It was time for her to go.

Rainwood said...

I was befuddled by the short cut challenge. I thought the point of using food products is usually to condition the hair, not just goop it in there until it starts to go rancid. Paulo's winning wigstand resembled a feeble attempt at Mrs. Lovett and her grisly meat pies.

But it's hard to argue with the loser of the elimination challenge. Nekisa really was overdue to get snipped. Dee deserved the win, but I was kind of hoping for Lady Bird because he wanted it so much and he really is the most delightful thing on the show. My guess is that he makes the final 3 along with Charlie and Nicole.

Joanie said...

"Nekisa, I'm weary. Please get out." Indeed.

I'm so happy Paulo won the shortcut challenge, but what the fuck was up with that challenge anyway? While some natural products used are actually practical, the rest were there merely to gross everyone out and that's just stupidity on the part of the producers. Sorry, Bravo. You must be held accountable for such crap.

As for the elimination challenge, whatever.

The real highlight: the drama mamas and divas were worth their weight in gold last night.

Anonymous said...

Any idea why Paulo gave Daniel the last pick in the dog challenge? I thought they were buddies.

And yes, Nekisa, that vain bitch, was hilarious to the end with her diss of Waffles. And the judges actually said that Nekisa should have ironed waffle prints into the hair. WTF?!? Imagine if she had done this, what they would have said. Though I was quite glad to see her out, because, frankly, she sucks ass.

I was afraid that Nekisa was going to be the Wendy Pepper of this season of SG: vapid, bitchy, and relatively talentless but somehow in the top 3. Thank god I can put that worry to rest.

Any picks for the Final 3? I say Charlie, Dee, and Daniel. I can't see Paulo and Nicole hanging in there.

Bailey said...

This was your best Shear Genius post ever! And I must say, I have really warmed up to this season, despite the crappy challenges. I will miss Nekisa - I agree, she was the most real, and I thought she was fun and sassy and hot and handled losing every week with aplomb. I also laughed for about 5 minutes after she blamed Waffles for getting her kicked off! Oh Nekisa.

I'm hoping for a Daniel, Nicole, and Paulo top 3, but I know they're not likely to kick Charlie and Dee off before then. Sigh.

Anonymous said...

I really loved this post too. It's the best. I was a little disappointed about 2 things one:
1. I loved how Charlie told the judges he didn't care about the challenge. I think Ken Vo's lips were going to pop. He seemed wound up to lash into Charlie and then seemed to say to himself "wait a minute this challenge IS utter bullshit and Charlie called me out on in"
2. The opposite of the Love Triangle: Nicole who hates Jen who hates Charlie etc. etc. That was too delicious!!!

Toyouke said...

I did enjoy your recap very much! I would not allow people to come at my hair with nasty foodstuffs. I wonder if they gave them advice on how to wash it out.

And RE: having to style the dogs for the elimination challenge; I already watched that show, it was called "Groomer Has It" and it was on Animal Planet. I'm pretty sure they avoided having the groomers style people, though.

frogboots said...

i AGREE! last season's challenges were brilliant. this year? giving dogs and owners matching haircuts? isn't that a little...matchy-matchy? and not much of a real challenge for hairdressers? bring back one of last season's and make it a repeat challenge (a la the "restaurant wars" of Top Chef) - maybe the historical hairdos?

and Daniel? Could he be any more of a doll? I want that boy to cut my hair, and I won't say that of just anyone (okay, actually, last year I said it of Tabatha and Dr Boogie).

I have faithfully used the LIPS OF VO as a kind of evil incantation when I see something mildly wrong with the world. ("I will set THE LIPS OF VO on you!")

Anonymous said...

Loved the riverdace screenshot! too, too, funny.

Glad you mentioned the lack of, of, of..... something this year. Is it talent? Is it the challenges? It is all to yawn. There wasn't a winner last week 'cuz they all were crap. This week, only one was worth half a smile, so she won. Really. They all look strange and seldom improve the looks of the poor wigstands.

You couldn't pay me enough to let them touch my hair this season!

-TLo Addict=

Anonymous said...

Also, did anyone else catch the irony of the comment from the guest judge...something like, "oh, that corn syrup will be tough to wash out of your hair."
ah, no shit. So why did you put all of that crap out for them to use. so very odd. And who would be stupid enough to put something STINKY (squid, peanut butter, etc) into someone's hair. Why do most hairproducts use pretty smells? Cuz no one wants to smell like dead sea animals.

Also, one last point. Did anyone else notice the look of "Who the f**K is that???" when the guest judge was introduced in the short-cut challenge. THe poor camera crew couldn't find one face to focus on to show a glimmer of recognition!

-TLo Addict-

Lilithcat said...

Oh, people, Nekisa was not blaming the dog. She was joking. Jeez, some folks must have been in the john when they were passing out senses of humor.

Anonymous said...

can anyone help me out? who does Nekisa remind me of??? it is driving me crazy....
an actress?

potty mouth princess said...

Ding dong, the delusional cockroach is DEAD!!!!!

I can now hop BART over to her salon, point and giggle. Maybe I should invest in some Charlie Price hornrims?

These challenges are getting worse and worse. I can see PR's DRESSING a dog, since so many people do it, but hairstylists are NOT dog groomers. I'm surprised the challenge didn't force the stylists to make the dogs don head cones and do some color on the body to boot. *eye rollI*

lisasabatier said...

way too funny boys!

Geoff said...

I just thought this episode was very PR meets SG. The dog thing was done in season three and seriously, how green does Bravo feel like being this summer!?

Because you know it's going to take five plastic bottles of shampoo to wash out the peanut butter so very firmly implanted in Lady Bird's wigstand, and doesn't that sort of defeat the environmental purpose?

Emma P. said...


Nicole from Shear Genius said...

ok REALLY? its reality, they arent going to show everything the taped. of COURSE i hugged nekisa before she left. we had good times and shes a sweet girl. and i had nothing but nice things to say about her in my blog. as far as the squid goes? man im with you guys on that one. that salon smelled like throw up and just how charlie felt about the dog challenge, i felt about the food challenge. gross. tom and lorenzo? you guys crack me up every week! i love you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Shoot, Nicole, is that really you!?

Lynn said...

Did anyone else think of the "dramatic prarie dog" youtube phenomenon when Charlie declared that his heart wasn't into the challenge? There were several shots of contestants whipping their heads around in shock followed by a dog doing the same.

Also, how the hell did they get products like molasses out of their hair? Poor, poor wigstands.

Paulo Shear Genius said...

OMG! You guys are so funny..and of course everyone has an opinion. As far as the corn syrup thing is concerned, it washed out really easily. It's basically sugar people. It wasn't lard or something. And as far as being in the bottom 2 for not making my model look like her dog, I really wasn't ashamed of it. I guess the judges wanted me to make her hair gray like the dog. Maybe I should have had some doggy treats in my pocket and made her get on her hands and knees and bark for a treat. Anyways, I love the recaps and sooo look forward to reading the craziness posted here. I love you guys.

SG Undercover! said...

O.k. so Nicole's food challenge wigstand is one of the producers on the show. She had to fill in for a model that didn't show. KARMA...
Next time they are creating challenges, I bet the producers put themselves in the wigstand's shoes!
AND speaking of 'Groomer Has It'... one of the producers on this gig worked that gig!
Just a little FYI!

Anonymous said...

I'm surprised no one has said anything about the guest judge's hair in the Short Cut Challenge. He looked like a new age guru, and there's no way in hell I'd let someone with hair like that come anywhere near me. Plus, have they completely abandoned the idea of tying the Short Cut Challenge to the Elimination challenge? There's no correlation at all. I hope the wigstands do attack. Maybe that would keep me from nodding off during an episode.

Maddie said...

"This look is like Gladys Kravitz after a bender during Fleet Week."

You make me laugh!

I bet Nekisa threw up in her mouth a little when she had to hold hands with Charlie at the end of the show.

hello, i'm patsy stone said...

Who caught Jacklyn saying the thing about dog style at the end of the judging. I just about blew my wine out of my nose.

Brandenburg3rd said...

Okay, I've heard of using mayonnaise in your hair. Or a beer rinse. I've used super dark black tea on my own hair. (Sans sugar and lemon, of course.) But if anyone came at me with corn syrup, suggesting it as a mousse for my hair, they'd be eating it. The hard way.

Anonymous said...

Nekisia was way overdue to go home. However, there was some bullshit judging here. How was she supposed to make her Asian client look like a blond, curly haired dog when the client doesn't want curls or bleach in her hair? And Paulo should have made his client's hair gray? Right, the judges would have ripped him for making her look older.

I thought Charlie was talented in the first couple episodes, but now I think he's just an ass. He's trying to get as much screen time as possible by being obnoxious. I hope it bites him in the ass.

Anonymous said...

You boys make me laugh out loud. Wednesday was the first night that I watched an entire episode of Real Genius, and I was APPALLED. Both challenges were ridiculous. And what is UP with that Vo dude? Does he think his face looks good? It scares me.

Anonymous said...

I liked Paulo's cut. I thought it looked modern and sexy. I don't know what the hell else he was supposed to do to make his client look like her dog. He did the best he could and it wasn't bottom 3 material.

Nekisa cracked me up. Her exit video was quite gracious and humorous, and she didn't bad-mouth anyone, including Charlie. That made me like her more; however, I'm not sad to see her off the show.

Gorgeous Things said...

Hahahahahahahahaha! Snort!

Yes, it was clearly time for Nekisa to go. And I think Charlie is on the short list too. Next to Nekisa, he's been in the bottom more than anyone else.

The squid? The whole "Kitchen" challenge? If that guest judge ever came near me, I'd empty a can of mace on him. Thank God they had someone else judge the dog challenge.

janimation said...

i can't stand charlie. i want to smack him with a giant fish and tell him not to wear clothes that are too tight for him. and quit unbuttoning all those buttons. i don't want to see your pale ass skin.

soooo annoying.

tripletmom96 said...

i can't say i'm sorry to see nekisa go -- although she made for some good sound bytes, she has sent too many craptastic styles down the runway and it was time. what really amazed me was how shocked she was every time she was in the bottom 2 - she seemed to be so delusional as to really believe she was going to win some of those challenges.

i think nicole put it quite succinctly when she commented to nekisa after her short cut loss --"at least i can recognize and admit when i've sent a sh*tty job out there" (or something like that). i really applauded her (nicole's)attitude and the way she took the loss. she knew it was awful and when she was told it was the loser, her response was "as expected" - no malice, just matter-of-fact and gracious.

loving lady bird more every episode....

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

COMPLETELY off-topic, but I want Nekisa's dress. It's gorgeous!

laylaness said...

I was dying when I saw Jaclyn's face when Nekisa started talking after her elimination. I was hoping you guys would get a screenshot of that!

And why was it a good idea to get a groomer to help judge this challenge? I mean, I get it, but her thing with Nicole cutting her dog's bangs too short was irritating.

Anonymous said...

I don't care about the Gladys Kravitz mishap, I still hope Nicole goes the distance. That food challenge was ridonkulous. I don't care how much you yak about the environment, stinky and/or sticky food products do not belong in my hair.

Anonymous said...

And the shortcut challenge "judge", how nasty was he? He looked liked he was a meth addict. Scary. He needs to get over this natural shit. Try putting any of that crap in my hair and you will get a natural castration.
Thank goodness Nekisa is gone. That should have happened about 3 shows ago.

Jenifer said...

Raise your hand, stylists, if you really didn't know you would be working on both the dog AND the owner. That's like the not knowing the wigstands would come back the next day after learning how to style their own hair. Talk about your manufactured drama.

Red Seven said...

Nicole shoulda won. And yes, the challenge was lame -- they SHOULD have sent the dogs to a professional groomer, THEN have the newly groomed dog show up at the salon so that the stylists could groom the humans, inspired by the dogs. That would have been ... not great, but better.

As much as I loathe Charlie, I thought it was perfectly acceptable for him to say that he's not a dog groomer and that's not what he does.

If I were a contestant on one of the Bravo non-reality "reality" competitions, I'd either want to win (obviously) or leave as a result of a lame-ass challenge that misses the mark ... like, "here - groom this DOG."

eric3000 said...

I have a hard time believing that guest judge uses squid as a styling product.

I just hope Nekisa successfully sues the devil for breach of contract. I assume that's how she got as far as she did.

kjt said...


I love the LIPS OF VO incantation!
I am going to use it too--
it's way more appropriate that what I have been trying not to use!

May the LIPS OF VO be with you! And not against you.

Jenster said...

Although I think Nekisa deserved to go a long time ago, I'll still miss her and her self-delusions. She's television gold!

ProfP said...

That poor wigstand. When Nicole put the squid in the hair, I felt sick to my stomach.

Really, really sick to my stomach.

I thought BOTH of these challenges were terrible.

But, of course I'll watch next week anyway! :-)

Anonymous said...

What is this? Riverdance!

Love it!!!

ovarB said...

This challenge reminds me of the time in which I wanted to try a hot oil treatment at home with corn oil. I mistakenly grabbed the corn syrup. Let me just tell you that corn syrup is a BITCH to get out of your hair!!