We're back, y'all! And to celebrate, we decided to go with the biggest piece of shit musical we could find!
Yes, it's Mame! The musical story that proves once and for all that no matter how much vaseline you smear on the lens, you can't revisit a classic if you cast the wrong person in the lead.
Our story starts here, in 1920s Greenwich Village at the home of Mame Dennis (Lucy, bien sur) who's throwing yet another of her famous shindigs. She puts out her 50th cigarette of the night and croaks her way through an opening number.
Great comedienne. Shitty singer.
Suddenly Agnes Gooch shows up with Mame's recently orphaned nephew, Patrick. In her gin-soaked haze, she greets them warmly.
Mame's friend Vera feels about children much the same way we do.
Honestly, Bea Arthur and the costumes are just about the only reasons to sit through this mediocrity.
Yes, it's Mame! The musical story that proves once and for all that no matter how much vaseline you smear on the lens, you can't revisit a classic if you cast the wrong person in the lead.
Our story starts here, in 1920s Greenwich Village at the home of Mame Dennis (Lucy, bien sur) who's throwing yet another of her famous shindigs. She puts out her 50th cigarette of the night and croaks her way through an opening number.
Great comedienne. Shitty singer.
Suddenly Agnes Gooch shows up with Mame's recently orphaned nephew, Patrick. In her gin-soaked haze, she greets them warmly.
Mame's friend Vera feels about children much the same way we do.
Honestly, Bea Arthur and the costumes are just about the only reasons to sit through this mediocrity.
The drunken revelers torture poor Patrick and force him to slide down the banister again and again to amuse them. They ignore his crying.
The next morning, Mame wakes up with a hangover, although you can't really tell what with the impeccable makeup, pearls and about 10 pounds of grease smeared on the camera lens.
She tells Patrick that she's going to show him the world, which in her alcohol-addled brain means...
...taking him to abortion rallies,
strip joints,
and generally just scaring the shit out of him for fun.
This bitch is crazy.
She is surprised to find out that Child Services doesn't agree with her parenting techniques. They take him away on the same day the stock market crashes.
Vera takes pity on the poor old drunk and tells her she can have a part in her latest play to make some money.
She's Lucy. It goes about as well as you'd expect.
Fortunately, Patrick ran away from his boarding school and shows up to make her feel better...
...by smearing a pork chop on the lens.
Mame tries her hand at being a shop girl while inexplicably wearing one half of a nun's habit. Robert Preston plays Beauregarde Jackson Pickett Burnside, who apparently has a nun fetish. Unfortunately, their open flirtations gets her fired.
So she goes home and croaks out another song while abusing her servants.
Beauregarde shows up to take her out to dinner...
...and the next thing you know, Lucy's got a new hair color and she's taking the lead in the Vagina Hat Sweepstakes.
Beauregarde invited her down to the family plantation and for some reason, she decided to dress like Mae West for the occasion.
She meets her rival, Sally Cato. This being the south, they pretend to be best friends even though they hate each other on sight. Sally convinces Mame to ride in the fox hunt the next day.
Comedy ensues, but it's a little hard to make out exactly what's going on because they shot all of Lucy's closeups through a bag of ice, apparently.
This being a musical, everyone suddenly loves Mame and breaks into song. Somewhat creepily, in fact.
Suddenly they're married, she's got a new hair color, and she looks like Jiffy Pop.
While the forgotten Patrick bypasses puberty completely and sits in his dorm room wondering why he has no friends.
Probably because he has an 8 by 10 of Lucille Ball hanging on his wall.
Beauregarde dies off-camera and Mame mourns for about 6 seconds.
Then, it's time for yet another hair color change and a drunken duet with Vera.
"Bosom Buddies" is a great little song, but Lucy, while a first class comedienne, simply can't deliver the bitchy lines the same way Bea Arthur can.
The two old broads drunkenly stumble home and decide to sexually abuse poor Agnes for kicks.
They force her into a shitty prom dress and tell her not to come home until she's good and fucked.
Mission accomplished.
Meanwhile, Mame goes out to meet the Upsons, the family of Patrick's fiancee, all of whom are J Crew models.
Lucy silently judges them for having a black maid.
Because mistreating your Asian butler doesn't count as racism.
She tells Patrick that he's marrying into a family of bigots and they have a big fight.
So she goes home and dresses up like a drag queen.
Hey, it works for us.
She has the Upsons over for a little get-together. They all comment on her superior foundation garments.
Bea Arthur makes the kind of entrance that we vow to make before we die.
And Mame invites over 500 pregnant women to shock the Upsons into storming out.
Suddenly Patrick's married to the (apparently properly white) maid, Mame finally lets herself go gray, and they've handed over their son to her so she can abuse him like she did his poor shell-shocked father. The end.
Roz Russell is laughing her ass off somewhere.
54 comments:
Well, this is one I am going to have to see…if I can sit through it! That is the craziest sounding movie I have ever heard of. Perfect for the TLo treatment.
Thanks for brightening my Monday! Y'all are the best.
I <3 Bea Arthur
Yes sadly this is as much a vanity project as you can get. Ms Ball was way too old to be playing this part. Pity Angela Lansbury wasn't a bigger star back then. I hear she rocked Broadway playing Ms Denison.
Oh I heard that Miss Gooch was originally suppose to be played by Madeliene Khan. But Lucy found her too attractive and was threatened i guess.
Frank
Oh god, kittens, I remember when they were announcing that they were actually going to make this monstrosity, you could hear the groans and laughter out in Pasadena. So many things wrong.
And then, musical lover that I am, I went and saw it! Bea Arthur (at the time, she was Maude) a champion of all time but oh no, the Bosom Buddies scene with these two battleships coming down the hallway - or maybe it's Lucy the foghorn and Bea the battleship, either way, oh lordy. Creepy is the best word for this movie. Creepy....
But I do love that burgundy dress she's wearing for the Upson visit to Beekman Place. Rocks my world.
Thanks for a hilarious but somewhat painful trip down memory lane.
Sorry for a second post, but maybe Bill knows the answer - I heard at the time that Lucy bought the film rights to the musical many years before but couldn't get it made until the 70s when it was way too late.
What I wouldn't give to see two actual drag queens singing Bosom Buddies. Someone please tell me it's been done. Of course, the key would have to be raised, because the range Lucy and Bea sing it in is too low for most men.
You guys are just what the doctor ordered today!!!!!
I've listened to the OBCR with Angela Lansbury about a million times and it's just a crying shame they didn't give her the part. It's like giving the lead in Hello Dolly to Barbara Streisand. Lovely ladies, but just completely wrong for the part.
It's also really sad that this turned out to be Lucille Ball's last movie. She deserved something better.
BTW, has anyone seen the youtube clip of Angela and Bea doing Bosom Buddies on some primetime special? It's genius, and Bea's outfit totally matches the background curtain.
The version with Rosalind Russell is one of my favorite movies EVER! Even my husband, Mr. Straight-Man-Who-Doesn't-Enjoy Musicals, likes it because Roz is so amazingly funny. After seeing that, the Lucille Ball version is quite the dud.
I can't believe it, but the only thing I've ever seen from this movie till now is the Bosom Buddies clip. I'll never have to see the movie now, you guys said it all!
Wasn't Cher going to do another version of this a while back?
I agree, that burgundy gown was splendid!
BrianB
Okay, I know it's not a musical, but please, Please, PLEASE do your Musical Mondays take on Auntie Mame! It'd be the perfect companion piece to this one, and hey, it's a GREAT movie!
Is it just me, or does the first pic of Bea Arthur remind you of Demi Moore?
Love Robert Preston.
debby t - Bea Arthur/Demi Moore? HA, yes!
Woohoo! you guys still got it. Lovethe book Auntie Mame...too bad that chain-smoking commie ruined a perfectly good character.
I still can't figure what this movie is all about, haha!
"Probably because he has an 8 by 10 of Lucille Ball hanging on his wall."
GOLD.
I would love to read your take on 'Auntie Mame' as much as the rest of your readers, but that wouldn't fall under the heading of Musical Mondays.
Perhaps, when you guys have some free time, you can start up a Favorite Friday.
Bleh! One of the worst casting decisions ever, not even Bea Arthur could save this one. But here's a treat: home movies of La Lansbury as Mame on YouTube:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=No9oYmUSa4A
Not sure how to make that a link but it's Part 1 of 3. Enjoy!!
Jesus, I think the dinner theatre I saw this at years ago had a better Mame.
Rosalind Russell should beat her to death with a Yul Ulu sculpture.
Ooh, too much?
I know it's probably sacrilege, but I have NEVER really like Lucy and this is why. NO ONE should try to top Rosalind Russell, musical or no!
Oh dear lord, i just about wet myself reading this... "Vagina Hat Sweepstakes!" Sweet bejeezus, I love you two!
I suffered through this years ago, swore never to cast eyes on it again. If I buy a fifth of gin the day I rent it, though... maybe I can make it through.
Well, let's see...I don't know where I read it, perhaps in Lucy's autobiography, that she admits that she can't sing. In other musicals of the past, she'd always been dubbed, so she had to take a LOT of singing lessons to get that sound out of voice at least reasonably on tune! And yes, as it's been said, she was too old to play the part, hence the smeary lenses. She was at least in her 60s, if not her 50s, when she played the part, and she had to be a range of ages. The only thing going is her comic timing, of course, and her dancing. She was a dancer when she started out in Hollywood, after all. And at some point, I'm sure she had to keep up with Desi. ;-) I love Bea Arthur. At least her gravely voice can sing, and she was the better Vera. Now, if we could've had Roz as Mame, had Bea as Vera, and kept Peggy Cass as Agnes Gooch, now THAT'd be a good movie. Hmm...should try to find how to do a mashup of the two movies to make that happen....
Oh, my! I thought I couldn't decide which of your comments was my favorite. . . jiffy pop... pork chop... etc. But this is the winner, no question:
"Bea Arthur makes the kind of entrance that we vow to make before we die."
I love Lucy, but this was just wrong.
Bittybis said, "What I wouldn't give to see two actual drag queens singing Bosom Buddies."
You want it, you got it (well, sorta):
youtube.com/watch?v=PWQiqxOMBfo&feature=related
Perhaps you can combine "Musical Monday" and "Diva and Dames Deathmatch"
And Have a "Vagina Hat" Deathmatch.
I would actually watch that on Bravo
Ugh, Aunite Mame is a favorite. And I loved a production of Mame! they did here in town, but man alive, this movie is UNWATCHABLE. I mean even without the 6 pounds of lard on the camera lens.
I was so disappointed.
Trivia time girls! Can you name the edible product that was launched to advertise the movie Mame? Name the company and the product. Astonish your friends with knowing information that will never have any use whatsoever. Back later with the answer.
This is one of the movie musicals that gives movie musicals a bad name. You guys are so right - it's really shitty.
Perhaps with original director George Cukor (who had to drop out when production was moved ahead a year when Lucy broke her leg) and its Broadway star, Angela Lansbury, it would have been fabulous. But with Lucy and director Gene Saks (who directed the Broadway production & was Mr. Bea Arthur) it was a flopperoo.
Influential film critic Pauline Kael said, "After forty years in movies and TV, did she (Lucy)discover in herself an unfulfilled ambition to be a flaming drag queen?"
Touche Pauline.
As others have noted, the costumes were about the only interesting thing in the movie. They are by Theadora Van Runkle (fabulous name) who also costumed The Godfather Part II and Bonnie & Clyde which had some influence on women's fashion in the late 60's and set off a real trend in berets for women.
The only thing I ever watched this movie for were the supporting cast.
Bruce Davison (adult Patrick) has worked non-stop for 40 years and is absolutely wonderful in the powerful AIDS movie Longtime Companion.
Doria Cook (snooty Gloria Upson) is married to Coach Craig T. Nelson (also of Poltergeist fame).
Sally Cato is played by Joyce Van Patten (Dick Eight is Enough Van Patten's baby sister) who has work endlessly on Broadway and in TV for 60 odd years. She was once married to actor Martin Balsam and their daughter is actress Talia Balsam which made her George Clooney's mother-in-law for a few years. She was also married to Dennis Richie Brockleman Dugan (anyone recall that one?).
Don Porter (Claude Upson) was Sally Field's dad on the Gidget TV series.
John McGiver (Mr. Babcock) seemed to be in everything I watched as a child. I remember him most from the terrific Jimmy Stewart Show in the early 70's and as the guy hunting for the pussycat swallowtail butterfly on an episode of Gilligan's Island. His sister lived behind my parents' summer home and it was so strange seeing him on her back porch when he visited her when I was a kid.
Broadway veteran Jane Connell (Agnes Gooch) and Ruth McDevitt (Cousin Fan) were both on memorable Bewitched episodes. McDevitt played Ticheba when Samantha was elected Queen of the Witches. Connell played Hepzibah, the Queen of the Witches, in a few episodes and also showed up as Martha Washington, Mother Goose and Queen Victoria in other episodes.
Patrick and Pegeen's son at the end of the movie (the second child to be terrorized by Lucy's Mame) was played by Patrick Laboryteaux on whom I had a serious, major, HUGE crush when he played Andrew Garvey for years on Little House on the Prairie. He still works and did 10 years on JAG but the thrill had worn off for me by then.
Barbara Bosson is Emily in this trainwreck musical but shows up ten years later as Fay Furillo (ex-wife of lead character Capt. Frank Furillo) in her husband Steven Bochco's seminal TV series Hill Street Blues.
Hard to make fun of such an all out disaster, TLo, but "Lucy's got a new hair color and she's taking the lead in the Vagina Hat Sweepstakes," was worth the price of admission.
Anyone else not able to view this yesterday? I checked all day long and only saw the Deathmatch post. I see it was posted yesterday at 10:37 AM. Anyone know anything that you can do when a new post doesn't appear for you?
I was waiting all afternoon for Bill's take on this- know I know why! You really give a great perspective to this for all of us.
Back to the movie- I loved the version of Auntie Mame with Rosalind Russell. She is just wonderful to watch and you really feel her joy in exploring the adventures in life. One of the quotes that I used often in college was "close the blinds dear,Auntie Mame is hung." Rosalind Russell made being drunk and hungover so charming!
When they announced that Lucy would be in this movie, something in my just died. She just was over the hill for this part. ( note her nurses shoes with the white outfit.) Lucy being Mame was just as believable as her popping out babies in "Yours Mine and Ours." ( but that is still one of my favorite movies)
I guess it is good that at least this movie got made and the story and score got more national exposure, but someone with more pep and less scenery chewing could have done justice to this show.
I'll agree with folks that the supporting cast pulled this movie out of the fire. Agnes Gooch saying, " I lived, Mrs. Burnside, I lived..." can make me laugh every time.
Maryland Mom
Yeah, I was a huge Lucille Ball fan, and remembered loving the fox hunt scene when I saw this movie a hundred years ago.
But now? It's craptastic. I mean, if you'd never seen Mame before, you might (?) buy it, but after Rosalind Russell, no way.
The singing alone is horrific, but way to kick those legs high, Lucy! She was like 63 (?) when this movie came out so credit where credit is due -- the rest of her choreography (term used loosely) looks like retreads from old 60s episodes of "The Lucy Show."
Bill, you slay me -- Joyce Van Patten was once married to actor Martin Balsam AND Dennis "Richie Brockleman" Dugan?!?!?
"Richie Brockleman, Private Eye" was the best! Too funny.
I LOATHE this movie. As much as I absolutely adore Robert Preston who usually could put the shine on a turd, this crap is crap.
But of course TLo & Co put a little luster on anything they touch, so kudos darlings for making me laugh through a complete clunker.
Also, Bill, wonderful anecdotes. ""Richie Brockleman, Private Eye" was the best! Too funny."
Did you know it was a spinoff from "The Rockford Files"? There was another spinoff called, "Lance White", featuring a character played by Tom Selleck that didn't get picked up; but a year later the producers created "Magnum, P.I." which did.
Okay, that's what 40 years of gin and cigarettes does to your voice... makes you sound even more throaty and hoarse than Bea Arthur.
wow, i didn't know Bea Arthur did anything before she had gray hair.
Bill, thanks for all that! Don Porter (Claude Upson) was Sally Field's dad on the Gidget TV series.
Alarmngly, I'm old enough to remember tv commercials for Gidget, and hearing Sally Fields say something like, "Patty Duke may have a twin, but I have my own Don Porter," and thinking, "what's a Don Porter?"
How truly awful is this movie. Didn't this flop alomst close down Warner Brothers? Plans were in the works to remake this film for TV staring CHER! Now that is something I could sink my teeth into. Executive producer was Babes Streisand. Sadly, Jerry Herman hated the script and closed down the production.
Anyway, you can tell my the music, the clothes and sets that lots of work went into this film. Too bad Lucy had the lead. I bet Angela Landsbury was laughing at this disaster.
Didn't Lucy dump like 3 million dollars into the film? If I remember correctly, she was recovering from a broken foot during the Mame number and a collapsed lung during the "We Need a Little Christmas Number." Still, Bea is a delight and well as most of the rest of the cast.
Only thing I rememebr about the the making of this movie were the reports that Lucille was using those little tape/tag things under her wigs to lift the corners of her eyes. Not sure if that was true or not, but it got a lot of air.
I also remember the proposed Cher version, which came out of the success of the Bette Midler TV version of Gypsy. Could have been something.
I never did make it through an entire viewing of the Roz Russell version. What is it? Three, four hours long? Five hours with commercials? I agree with everyone that Lucy simply couldn't compete with Roz.
I had no idea Musical Mondays were about bad musicals, but I suppose you could snark on any musical, good or bad.
"Chicago" anyone?
Bill....WOW! I've got a son who loves to do the same thing when watching TV/movies. Linking cast members to other movies/people. It's alot of fun.
I'm going to have to dig up this movie to watch now. And print up this Musical Monday post as a companion piece!
This was a double bonus treat - Musical Mondays are back wit a total dog worthy of the full blown TLo treatment, and Bill's grad class in musical theatre history didn't diappoint (seriously Bill - you went above and beyond on this one!)
Fabulous boys :-) And I want, just once in my life, to get one brilliant stinger off with the skill of Bea Arthur.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Mondays will now be worth waking up for again.
Oh hell to the no!
Roaslind Russell is the REAL and one and ONLY MAME!
I have seen this version. Bea Arthur is great, and I love Lucy, but poor thing cannot sing and should not have done this role, simply for that reason. She is good otherwise, but the singing ruins it. Plus her age and all the cheesecloth they used had to cause a shortage somewhere they use cheesecloth.
This and Streisand's "Hello Dolly" killed the movie musical for 30 years.
I love Lucy, but, she should have never tried to fill either Roz or Angela's shoes!
but there is one good scene left out: THE MAN IN THE MOON extravaganza with Bea Arthur being a "lady astronomer" in an awful operetta discovering: The Man in the Moon is a lady! And afer Mame messes up her appearance as Moon Lady, Bea croaks at Mame: "I have another astronomical discovery for you: The man in the moon is a bitch!" A real classic!
Love Bea! Poor Lucy, she tried! Oh well, what's next? Love musical mondays!!!!!!
How can you improve on Rosalind Russell's genius performance of other the top HAM and cheese?
you can't, especially not with Lucial Ball. Sorry Lucy, Love ya. Loved ya show... but you should have bowed out on that one.
Bea Arthur ROCKS!
"Auntie Mame" was one of my favorites until I played Agnes Gooch in a community theater production. It was a good production, but I still got my fill of "Auntie Mame" over 10 weeks of rehearsal and 11 performances.
I agree, TLo, please do a "Musical Mondays" treatment of "Auntie Mame" (even though it's not a musical)!
For anyone who has seen "Mame" but not "Auntie Mame," the original is so much better. They changed the story too much for the musical (to say nothing of Lucy's bad performance).
Mame is lame. Come on guys do some new Musical Mondays, we are addicted. Suggestions: "Grease", "Calamity Jane", "Annie Get Your Gun", "Little Shop Of Horrors", "Sweeney Todd", "Priscilla Queen of the Desert" (not really a musical, but a lot of vagina hats). COME ON BITCHES!!!!
I've never seen this movie and I LOVE LUCY! but who the hell did that casting? I only knew of Roz Russell.
MMMM porkchops!
A special shoutout to the late, great Bea Arthur, who left for that great stage in the sky.
Hello, from the FUTURE! One of your bitter kittens just posted a link to this, and I must thank you, two years late, for writing this post.
One of my all-time favorite films is Auntie Mame, so when I saw this was playing on AMC when I was in high school, I was entirely psyched.
Then I noticed it had Lucille Ball, who is NOT, repeat NOT, in any way, shape, or form, capable of replacing the epically awesome Rosalind Russell in the role of Mame Dennis.
Then I noticed how bad the music was.
Then I turned off the TV and stormed over to my mother to complain, in general, that Hollywood could take such a monumental crap over Mame like that. She laughed in my face.
Oh, how I hate this movie. It's not as bad as some others, no, and it'd probably not deserving of actual hate, except that Auntie Mame continues to be a source of inspiration for me for fabulousness in the face of the unfabulous and auntly attitude.
Bea Arthur was the only reason to watch the musical version. I occasionally wonder how the film would've gone with Ms. Arthur in the titular role. Not perfect, but so much, much better, I'd think, than the awful, awful, awful, and completely unfunny, Lucille Ball.
Bea Arthur makes the movie awsome, you have to love it just because of her wonderful performance :) and excellent singing voice, it makes up for everyone else lol
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