"Seriously, stop it with the hedge clippers, okay? You're embarrassing the rest of us."
"Oh, looks like someone's a little threatened by my innovation. Sorry Danna, you'll have to come up with your own ingenious method."
"No. Really. I'm trying to help you here. It's embarrassing. Sally and Jaclyn are laughing at you."
"I bet you Sally WISHES she knew how to cut hair with hedge clippers. And Jaclyn is DYING to get the Evangelin Treatment. When I win this thing, I'm heading straight to Home Depot and spending my hundred grand on gardening equipment. Just wait till you see my weed whacker eyebrow treatment!"
"Oh my GOD! Did all those bitches get their periods on the same day?"
"Excuse me, Danna. Let me try.
Hmmm. How can I put this nicely?
You're an idiot and you should just lay down and die right here. In fact, let me help you."
"Dear Mom, why can't all women be as gentle and beautiful as you?"
"Tabs, I feel sorry for you. I will be celebrated the world over and you'll be stuck in New Jersey with your 'scissors' and 'combs' and you'll never know the joys of being a true hair visionary."
"Do you hear yourself? Do you? I mean, it's not just me that thinks you're a barking loon. EVERYBODY does!"
"Hmph. Do I smell hair burning? No wait, that's just your jealousy. Oh well!"
"I swear to Christ, if that little Cabbage Patch Doll isn't sent home tomorrow, she'll be sipping all her meals through a straw for the rest of her life."
"...and the sign will say 'Evangelin's Magic Hair Garden!' And all the Charlie's Angels will be lining up for .... for a PRUNING! And Tabatha will fall down a flight of steps and break her neck and then she will beg for me to take her in and I'll install special sinks so she can wash hair in her wheelchair..."
BONUS: Previews, poodles!
And holy cow, do they have their work cut out for them this week. Check it out here.
38 comments:
Now aren't you glad we made you blog this show?
Come on, admit it!
Anne
The funny thing is, compared to what she really said, you made Tabatha look kind and helpful.
Okay, what is it with that tuft of hair sitting on top of Evanglin's head? Methinks she was practicing with the hedge clippers at home.
Seriously, I'm sorry she's gone -- she was fun to watch. But also happy that the producers reward talent and not entertainment value. And by that I mean, "Go Tabs ... all the way to the win! Tabs! Tabs! Tabs! Tabs ..."
THIS was a hoot to watch and even funnier to read. All I can say is thank the gods that the producers are bringing in more then just skinny white wanna be models with long blonde hair. It was great to see them work on African American hair and now men this week.
This show is like crack... and I LOVE it!!
Who knew hair could be such fun? I used to go to a salon that was rife with drama. It was the queens vs the women and every time I went there was some new horror my stylist (a woman) had to relate. She moved away and I found someone else to cut my hair but this show has brought it all back! Whoo Hoo!
What's with the big pot plant in the preview?
"Hmph. Do I smell hair burning? No wait, that's just your jealousy. Oh well!"
ROFL. LOVE IT, Boys!
Choice of model is going to make a big difference this go around. Some of those boys have really nice bone structure...some do not.
Can't wait to see what Ben does!
(Are the producers setting Boogie up for the downfall? People are looking to him as the inevitable winner; that's never a good prognostic indicator.)
I'm just cracking up on how Tabatha is fixated that they might be cutting dogs hair in the beginning of the challenge. As well Tabatha's synopsis of Tyson is an evil leprachon as well her new term for Tyson FIGJAM....just wait....
This had me laughing out loud from beginning to end---both the episode and especially your recap. TOO FUNNY!
Tabs, Tabs, Tabs. I was with you until you called Evangelin and all of her clients "idiots". And bitched about all of your fellow contestants to your "client".
It's called profesisonalism, Sweets. You said you had lots more than Evangelin, so go check your bags...you might have brought a little more.
"Barking Loon" loved it! You guys always nail it. You speak more like the contestants than they do!
I was pruning the Japanese Maple in front of our house on Sunday with one of those 15 foot extension pruners that's operated with a pull rope. I kept thinking, "If I was Evangelin, I could give a haircut to someone on the second floor or across the street."
She really came off as deluded enough to think she was starting a trend. I admire her imagination but a reality slap was in order.
red6eric, that's exactly what I was thinking. E really doesn't get it--Sally gave her crap for that tuft on her "Holly Berry" model. Her response was to do it to herself. Woman is seriously deranged.
Can you imagine what one of those dudes would have said to her if she came near them with the hedge clippers?
I'm kinda hoping Tabatha isn't averse to having fans in the world.
Well if she is then too bad, some of us are here to stay.
TEAM TABATHA!
BG said...
Tabs, Tabs, Tabs. I was with you until you called Evangelin and all of her clients "idiots". And bitched about all of your fellow contestants to your "client".
It's called profesisonalism, Sweets. You said you had lots more than Evangelin, so go check your bags...you might have brought a little more.
First off if you really paid any attention at all; Tabatha's model asked her what was up with the other stylists. Tabatha was not bitching, she just gave simple one or two line synopsis's; that was frankly right on the money!
"Oh my GOD! Did all those bitches get their periods on the same day?"
That picture of Daisy was insane!
And seriously, it's bad advertising for that day spa if getting a massage there makes you that angry!
LOL. Love Tabatha LaBitch.
Preview: See, they should all have long hair. Clearly it’s not a level playing field.
I was wondering if they'd be getting around to men's hair in this show. Unlike PR, they get new models every challenge, so they could go for guys easily. I hope the second challenge of the episode also uses guys. We deserve it, dammit!
BG said...
Tabs, Tabs, Tabs. I was with you until you called Evangelin and all of her clients "idiots". And bitched about all of your fellow contestants to your "client".
Truth is Tab's defense. You would have to be mentally impaired to let someone cut your hair with hedge clippers.
The Barking Loon had to have her clients hold their own hair up over their head while she used two hands to wield that thing. I'm sorry, but that's not just unprofessional. That's unsafe. Can you imagine the lawsuit she would be facing the first time she cut some poor client's fingers with that thing?!?!!
As for the gossip scene, honey please. The client asked Tabatha's opinion and she gave it. Besides, what salon doesn't have hairstylists that gossip about everyone else? It's practically a requirement of the profession.
This may not have been quite the tearful meltdown from Evangelin you guys were hoping for, but it was a delicious meltdown nevertheless. After the hedge trimmer episode, I just thought she was demonstrating some balls. By clinging to the hedgetrimmers afterwards, she had me thinking it was not so much balls as loose marbles. I'm thinking that, if your profession involves holding sharp objects next to peoples' heads, coming across on TV as a raving lunatic might not be a career booster. What I wanna know is, in the two weeks since the hedge trimmer episode aired, how many customers have been lined up at Evangelin's salon for that "evolutionary" hair cutting technique? I'm also kind of wondering why Bravo didn't confiscate their special cutting tools as soon as the challenge was over.
I am just so glad that this show isn't sponsored by a car company. No more wasting footage on them getting in and out of cars. That drove me mad in Top Chef and Top Design.
I'm with the Tabatha defenders...her client did ask, and her remarks were spot-on, if you ask me. The truth hurts and I love her for it. But I don't think I'd let her give me a razor cut if she was having a bad day.
We all knew Evangelin was going to go off the rails at some point, though, didn't we? I wouldn't go to her for a haircut unless I could take a chain saw with me (for self defense purposes).
"Dear Mom, why can't all women be as gentle and beautiful as you?"
That is hysterical.
" Anonymous said...
What's with the big pot plant in the preview? "
It's a dizygothica (false aralia). here's a pic:
http://aggie-horticulture.tamu.edu/interiorscape/Dizygotheca_elegantissima.html
They're pretty cool house plant, if you have a bright enough spot for one. Guaranteed to elicit inquiries about its legality. ;o)
With regard to Tabitha's summation of her peers - I don't think it is professional to talk trash about someone just because you're asked. Tabitha could have said "Evangelin is from a small town in PA, Anthony is an old friend of mine, Dr. Boogie cuts only with clippers and is hilarious" or anything like that. You don't have to say unflattering things about your peers, whether it is a competition or not.
Tabatha didn't say anything to the client that her colleagues didn't already know first hand, up close and personal. Oops! Did I say "clent"? I'm sorry; that person was not a client and she and Tabs were not in a salon. They are both participants on a reality TV show. Tabatha IS a professional and, for now, that profession is as reality TV contestant. She rocks.
Back to Bill: did your maple end up with a Sally Shag?
snf, you beat me to plant explanation. back in the 70s, every record store, head shop and "young" beauty salon had one.
I don't think I've laughed this hard at a post since "Sparkles and Starshine." Aren't you glad you're bloging this? Even more so, aren't you glad this show, and all the people on it, exist?
Shorty's is the hippest barbershop in LA? Woo! I'm finally hip, since they only charge about 10 bucks for a cut.
I agree.....something very Norman Bates about Tyson.....
hot diggity!
BOYS!
i mean, they're like hair-metal-boys but hey - that was my type when i was, er, 12.
Love Tab's characterization of Tyson as an evil leprachaun....I like to think of him as a hobbit who might go over to the dark side-I'm waiting for a glimpse of the bleached blonde hairy feet!
I'm sorry but they were not working on african american hair anonymous. a couple of weaves and some biracial models does not equal african american hair.
valpal - sadly, the tree ended up with Evangelin's "Holly" Berry hairdo instead of a shag. There's an unsightly dead branch sticking up at the very top of the tree that I just can't reach. Sally would rip my pruning like she ripped E's hairdon't.
Reading your blog makes my day!! LMAO.
Bill, you're right E did need a "reality slap."
I think the Bravo producers didn't confiscate the hedge clippers because they thought Evangelin_ would just keep the as a memento of her win. She would still be on the show if she did that.
"If I was Evangelin, I could give a haircut to someone on the second floor or across the street."
Warning...never read this blog before going into a business meeting. Damn Bill, I didn't have a smidge of mascara left after this comment.
"Oh my GOD! Did all those bitches get their periods on the same day?"
Clearly you did not come visit us on our floor in college. That is TOTALLY how it works.
In hindsight, you can see that some of her ... um ... speech patterns might just bite Tab in the butt. In a word?
OVERFOCUS.
Despite a boot, however, I will still wear a "Team Tabatha" shirt. With glitter.
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