Click play and crank it up, bitches!
Why do the gays love her so? Is it really so hard to figure out? Oh darlings, Jaime Sommers may have been doing her best to rock the peasant blouse and that blown-out seventies sun-bleached California hair that makes us think she styled it with cocaine, but our girl kicked ass in a bathing suit and four-inch heels, super-shiny hair eight inches off her head, accessories to die for,and a muthafuckin tiara. She was drag queen when drag queen wasn't cool.
And howabout those accessories! Bracelets that deflect bullets? A telepathic tiara? Earrings that let her breathe in space (don't ask)? And to top it off, a tasteful gold chain that not only bumps up the bling, but also forces other people to tell the truth and submit to her will? Sure, she might look a little like she should be standing in a used car lot holding a sign over her head that says "SUPER JULY 4TH BLOWOUT SALE!!!!!!!!" but who cares?
Honeys, just admit it. We can all only imagine the endless possibilities of such a useful wardrobe and sigh wistfully.
What budding little homo in the seventies didn't use up half his mother's tin foil fashioning his own homemade wonder accessories and surreptitiously spinning in his bedroom? None of them. The bulk of our classmates were staking claim to their own heterosexuality as they gazed proto-lustfully upon Lynda Carter's magnificent rack, but we precious few were secretly practicing our best impression of her megawatt smile in the bathroom mirror and daydreaming of the day she would come to pick us up to go shopping, practice our Vegas act, and then maybe let us brush her hair for a couple hours.
It goes further than mere nostalgia for a seventies campfest, though. Wonder Woman belongs in that rarified group of American pop culture icons instantly recognized by practically the entire public, from Mickey Mouse to Batman to Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and she is, by most standards, the most subversive, most politicized character of them all and most people don't even realize it.
She was created in 1942 by Dr. William Moulton Marston, a psychologist whose work was instrumental in the creation of the lie detector and a rather colorful figure in his own right. He specifically wanted to create a female answer to the explosively popular Superman, but not so little girls could identify with her, as the conventional wisdom would assume, but so that little boys would.
Now one thing is for sure, Dr. Marston was RAGINGLY heterosexual. So much so that he enjoyed what was by all accounts a loving polygamous relationship with two women, one his wife, both of whom bore several of his children. They all lived happily and openly under one roof, where Dr. Marston, his wife and his mistress all liked to engage in bondage and submission play when the kids weren't around. Who can't relate to that, right?
Anyway, Dr. Marston set out to create a character that embodied his most deeply held passions in the hope of indoctrinating young boys into a philosophy that he felt would change the world. Namely, that in order for society to flourish and move forward, we would have to move into a voluntary matriarchy where men would "lovingly submit" to the superior will of women, who would naturally lead the world into a utopia because women are innately good and peaceful creatures whose most awesome power lies in their erotic hold over men.
Additionally, in order to tame the violent impulses that all men naturally have, the world would have to abolish war and replace it with athletic competitions and bondage play.
We're not making a word of this up.
From this boiling soup of psychology, sexual deviancy, pacifism and pseudo-feminism, he created Wonder Woman, a princess from a magical island with no men where the women live peacefully and submissively, competing in athletic competitions, enjoying bondage games and practicing cunnilingus on each other (presumably). Sculpted from clay by her mother the queen and given life by the gods who granted her great beauty, strength and will so that she would become their champion and change the world, she combined both the male and female aspects of classic heroic and romantic literature into one person. The princess in distress and the knight in shining armor all in one.
Dr. Marston obviously never achieved his goals and that's probably for the best, but he captured lightning in a bottle and managed to combine the Rosie-the Riveter imagery and changing roles of women at the time with his own bizarre social views and create a character for the ages.
Now, can anyone seriously question why the gays love her after that? She's gorgeous, fabulous, divinely accessorized, can dish out the shit like nobody's business, likes to tie guys up, and has as her main goal the complete destruction of the current social order. Girl, let's go out for coffee!
If that's not enough to convince you, how about this. The Queen held an athletic competition in order to decide who would become Wonder Woman and go out to change the world. Like all queens, she was a bitch and she forbid her daughter to compete. Diana, desperate to get off Lesbian Island and at least see a penis before she rejects it, disguises herself, enters the competition and of course, prevailed to the final round, the deadly bullets and bracelets.
We'll let Dr. Marston continue the story from there:
Did you get that? SHE SHOT A BITCH JUST TO GET A NEW OUTFIT AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HER HOMETOWN. You just try and name us a fag who can't relate.
Fighting for your rights in your satin tights.
Reviewed by TLo
on
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Rating: 5
82 comments:
Go Wonder Woman, go bitches.
Hi fabulousness T&L. Shoutout from the West Coast. I didn't stay up for you. It's still early in the time zone challenged land.
Did I win a plastic godzilla happy meal toy?
Croc poop. Something bitches.
Now bitches. CONGRATULATIONS..
You guys are wonderful! I love the small town in which I live, but one thing I miss about Big City Life is the company of fabulous gayboys. Luckily, I have you to fill the gap!
"Did you get that? SHE SHOT A BITCH JUST TO GET A NEW OUTFIT AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HER HOMETOWN. You just try and name us a fag who can't relate."
OMG I thought PRG was funny....this is HILARIOUS! I FELL out of my chair.....I know quite a few sissys who are Wonder Woman fans, and I am definately going to pass this on, GREAT post you guys!
Marcus from Pittsburgh
I enjoyed the post (yes, I used to covet Wonder Woman's spin-activated superpowers), but I think you missed something in your analysis -- namely, that superheroines like Diana Prince, Jaime Sommers, Mrs. Emma Peel, etc., functioned as sort of "proto-beards" for some of us proto-homos. That is, they had traditionally masculine qualities of male superheroes such as great physical strength, assertiveness, and stoicism (well, maybe not so much with Jaime Sommers...) without the DANGEROUS MANLY SEXINESS of Captain Marvel or Steve Austin. Thus, they were "safe" objects of obsession/admiration for young homo boys whose age peers were beginning to assert heterosexual interests.
Happy Halloween!
was this a trick or a treat?
love it. love it. love it.
Love this post! That last comic strip, she shoots her foe in the shoulder and ends it with a fashion show! What could be more natural?
Unfortunately, I was too old to be a little kid spinning in his bedroom when this show was on TV, my role models were more along the lines of Petula Clark and the main dancer in Hullaballoo! The one with the pony tail and that weird name that I can't remember right now! But wasn't Lyle Wagonner a centerfold in Playgirl or one of those magazines around the time of the show? Now THAT got my attention!
I'll be stopping here on a regular basis to see your take on things!
Brian
If thats what she'd do for a new outfit, imagine what'd she do for a discontinued Mac lipstick color.
Congratulations Boyz. Excellent.
--Granite Janet
Okey dokey. I want some of what you're having.
She shot her for the tiara... I'm convinced. I have a little girl that would kill or worse for a tiara... she has a little collection and wears them non-stop... I guess it's good to find your place in this world early, and for my baby, it's Tiaraland.
Love it, love it, love it. I adore the new blog, and love that you started out with one o' my favorite bitched -- EVAH!! I've already linked to "Project: Gay" from my own blog so I can check in periodically. Looking forward to all the good times.
Thanks for the fabulous start to the day. My eyes are sparkling just like WW's now !
Love you boys! Day 1- on to more fabulousness!!
"You just try and name us a fag who can't relate."
Or any breathing woman. She embodies my philosophy: You can be mouthwateringly gorgeous and sexy and wear 6" stiletto heels and still awe them with your superintelligence and power.
Congratulations on the launch of your new blog. Add one more site to check out with the morning cup of coffee.
You guys are the best.
(presumably) ~ heh.
a voluntary matriarchy where men would "lovingly submit" to the superior will of women, who would naturally lead the world into a utopia because women are innately good and peaceful creatures whose most awesome power lies in their erotic hold over men.
oh my goodness, doesn't this sound like HEAVEN???? wonder woman has ALWAYS been my girl. now i will always have a vision of you two darlings in your tinfoil bracelets and tiaras, spinning and prancing before the bathroom mirror as wee little boys.
magnificent start, sweeties. i am delighted.
oh, and y'all: "we're gay, we judge, that's what we do" and "fabulous, what do the gays think?" PERFECT!!! you're brilliant, darlings.
I, too, was a little too old for wearing tin foil bracelets. I was old enough, however, to watch WW with a dear lesbian friend and some of her friends. Funny, they took away something completely different from the show.
Congratulations on the new Blog, Boys. This is gonna be fun!
Perfect opening article! Wonder Woman for Queen of the world.
I will never forget my old italian grandpa's face when Linda Carter spun around for the first time and basically reduced the striptease to a small explosion. He almost fell off his chair. :-)
Congratulations on your new site. Gosh, I feel like I've been with yall since Project Rungay's infancy... back when you posted that arrow and the word "jackass" on Jeffrey for using a handbuzzer. Good call on that btw. And now you guys are total cyberlebrities.
I always thought the Gay adoration of Wonder Women was envy of the improbable waist to chest ratio of Linda Carter. It is impressive even if it is created by a corset to within an inch of her life. And she does it without any of that distastful hip fat bulge below the weaistband. Now THAT is a Wonder
Oh what a fabulous first entry to your new blog!! Congrats guys. I personal dressed like wonder women for halloween four years in a row when I was a kid. She is the greatest.
Desarae
Ahhh, Diana Prince! Wonderful begining, Boys. Mild mannered, dowdy librarian by day and when she twirls, she becomes this Amazonian Super-Hero. I think you boys have made the twirl yourselves! You're our new Amazonian Super-Heros!!!!!
Excellent! Congrats on the new site!
There was a stand up comedian (whose name escapes me) who said that he knew he was gay when the television version of Wonder Woman spun into her superhero persona and he worried "What happened to her purse?".
You guys are just the BEST! Waking up to T&L and WW - what more could a person ask for???!!!
I love it!
Do crowns count as much as tiaras? My son has a crown he made of cardboard covered in tin foil with "jewels" he colored in by hand. He wears it with his red superhero cape. When not in use he rests it on top of Minnie Mouse's head.
--Granite Janet
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU, fighting a cold, just got dumped, and overworked but Wonder Woman has put a smile on my face!!! Thanks for using the original opening and not the bad re-do when they tried to move the show into the 1970's and Lyle Waggoner played his son (cheese-ball) Have you listed on favorites.
Keep it comin boys... now i need to go watch that opening again before my boss comes in!
xoxoxo
I'm just giggling all over the place. This was really, REALLY funny!!! Best of luck boys.
You guys are HILARIOUS!
I love the launch. Kick-butt way to start it all off!
I'm hopping in my invisible plane and buzzing around the office to let everyone know about the site!
XO - Bill
okay, you guys may have been watching the bling and bounce of WONDER WOMAN, but it was LYLE WAGGONER who stirred the er, um, "soul" of this man as a teen. i just remember thinking "wow-eee".
can you hear the round of applause here in charleston? congrats at a fine start to keeping the masses entertained.
non of the librarians of my youth looked like linda carter. in fact, thay all resembled rhea perlman. can you imagine what she would spin into?
and, oh, how I wanted a pair of Wonder Woman Underoos. I prayed my sisters would want them so I could sneak a wearing when no one was home. Alas, the fates were cruel. My sisters kept to conventional panties and never got fancier than Days of the Week or the occasional starwberry or heart print.
I forget the name of the great ballet instructor who said Lynda Carter was the most beautiful woman in the world. Ballanchine?
Congrats on your new blog burst!
you two are a hoot. good luck with the new blog.
kath
It's so going to be a brave new world of Pop Culture with you guys in charge!
Hooray!
"She's gorgeous, fabulous, divinely accessorized, can dish out the shit like nobody's business, likes to tie guys up, and has as her main goal the complete destruction of the current social order."
Why thank you boys I was wondering when you'd notice!
Ooooh! this is going to cut into my workday!
Love ya!
Excellent start, guys! I adored Wonder Woman/Diana Prince in the '70s. And later when Lady Spencer became Princess Diana, I secretly hoped she might spin her way into a British Wonder Woman. Alas, not to be. She didn't kick much ass but she did rock some fabulous clothes.
Dr Marston may have chosen "Wonder Woman" for the multitudes in 1942 but baby..I was so into Dale Evans in 1946( age 4)!!! I wanted that singin'lil bitch to fall off her horse, Buttermilk, so bad just to have my way with Roy Rodgers! Yep, I wanted to be MRS. ROY! We hetro Texas gals had much more evil thoughts of 'ropin' him and tying him to a tree! heh heh
Trigger was ALL GOOD, too! lol
Hey guys!
I never got into Wonder Woman. I still don't, but my Mom ... different story. She LOVES Wonder Woman.
LOVES, LOVES, LOVES HER!!!
I gave Season One to my Mom for Christmas last year. And who was tickled??
She was!
Jaime Sommers was lame. She had to clear the hair from her ears before she could use her bionic hearing!
Wonder Woman not only had the flashier (literally) outfit, but she had multiple costume changes brought about by premeditated twirling. How could you beat that? Everything from a wetsuit to a motorcycle outfit to skateboarding gear (quite the 70s active lifestyle, that girl had), or even formal wear with a cape to go with her bustier and tights! I twirled myself into many a fit of nausea as a child, in hopes of an explosive outfit change...
SHE SHOT A BITCH JUST TO GET A NEW OUTFIT AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HER HOMETOWN.
Reminiscent of Evita, eh? And a lot of other bitchy people.
I never did the tiara thing, but I totally spun around and around, and pretended to deflect bullets with magic bracelets. And I had a total crush on Steve Trevor.
I am a gay wannabe.
And I think your fabulousness T&L are dishleciously fabulous.
Did I also mentioned I pranced around and peed in my pants when I was the first to devirginized your blog. Is this word allowed here?
Or I could be the first explorer to discover the new land.
Houston, we have a very successful lift-off. Oops, I am going there again. I will quit now.
What a first post! I adore comics, and this was a fantastic tribute to Wonder Woman. I love your research too!
Boys, you rocked S3. I cannot tell you how happy I found you when I did! I am looking forward to your brilliant commentary on the former seasons. I think I had better buy stock in Depends. I am going to be giving them A LOT of business!
Get Us Out From Under!
Where is Wonder Woman now that we need her?
>>devirginized<< makes me think of olive oil. I think the word you want is 'deflowered'.
Dear dear T&L please consider keeping every last keystroke in an archive that can be issued annually on a CD for us to relive and reread and laugh and cry and pee our pants all over again.
Do you have such a thing for Rungay? I would snap it up in a tiared heartbeat.
genius!
what happened with the "man she loves" did she kill him? did he cheat on her. i don't know the whole story.
God, I miss the '70s.
Project Runway has to do a Super Hero Costume Challenge!
For those who want to read more about Mr. Marston, antipolygraph.org has a PDF version of his FBI file.
https://antipolygraph.org/documents/marston-fbi-file.pdf
See also: https://antipolygraph.org/cgi-bin/forums/YaBB.pl?board=Policy;action=display;num=1162308313
Last time I was in a discussion involving Her Wonderness was years ago. My friend, who describes herself as a strident feminist at every turn, brought up WW as yet another example of mass media twisting a symbol of the strong woman into something more fitting for the [cue scary music here] {{{{{male gaze}}}}}.
It's all about subversion, she maintained, and therefore makes it easier to reject as being strong someone who looks like Andrea Dworkin or bell hooks.
I told her it was sweet of her to try to get me to defend a comic book character, but whatever trip WW came from was far less important than the core of the construct, which is that the 'gaze' in question is some overt act of something bad (usually a controlling thing).
Of course as an experienced hetero guy I had to disagree with said gaze craze. When I'm seriously entranced the only entity I'm worried about controlling is myself (not like I have to be physically restrained from attack but more along the lines of trying to avoid being a fumbling dork in front of Ms Entrancer).
'Course the fate of such debate almost always ends in a subjective states vs. subjective states standoff, and it did then, too. My Parthian Shot was only to say: if the fact of a dude struck dumb by Hotness is so awful wicked bad, then why don't the Male Gays have issues about the Male Gaze?
I was in third grade and my teacher, Ms. Curtis, looked EXACTLY like Lynda Carter. I watched that woman like a hawk. I just knew any minute she was gonna do the spin and save the world. Thanks for the memories, bitches,
chef biatch
I WANT THE T-SHIRT
I want the t-shirt with that header ~ Project:Gay and the gal in the tub. The BigAssQueen has spoken, get on it, y'all, I NEED that T-shirt . . .
You two really are fabulous. You brighten my day.
You done your mama proud T&L.
Yeah, I'd read about fruitfly and snarkers congratulating a C-I-P blog with ads. That has to be a first.
I think I skipped a tiared heartbeat too.
yawningdog said...
Project Runway has to do a Super Hero Costume Challenge!
YDog,
You do realize T&L are Bravo's secret weapon, don't you? They troll T&L's sight('s as of today!) like Cokeheads with a rolled up dollar bill (hence T&L: They sew. We rip. Bravo: They cook. We roast). I will bet you 10 bucks there will be a superhero challenge next season!
Hooked, already.
Awesome first subject!
I SO wanted to be Wonder Woman when I was a little girl. I had the underoos and everything.
WW rock my socks! Gay boys do too!!! Gay boys in WW outfits..Yummy!
I have a conflict: I want to 'spam' everybody with your blogs, but deep down I want to keep all your deliciousness for me... I guess I can't be selfish, huh? :-\
Great start, loves!
Me= myself
Sorry...this cold is killah.
yawningdog said...
Project Runway has to do a Super Hero Costume Challenge!
You do realize that Santino (and Bradley with his 'Cher' outfit) pretty much made every possible Superhero Costume out there, right?
As a wee lass at recess in the 70s, I played superheroes often and WW was *always* played by this sissy boy Jody. In addition to the twirling, he was a careful student of the way she jumped. She always thrust her pelvis forward first then up she would go and so did Jody. I always objected to his exclusive claim to the role as I thought hair color should dictate who you got to play. See, Jody was a blond and I a brunette. By my rules that left Isis, who was also pretty cool. I was a latch key child with the key around the neck and I would put it on my forehead when I turned into Isis. Good fun.
You girls are channeling my daughter. She's 3 and she's fabulous. All the girls in her pre-school were dressed as princesses for Halloween. My girl was like, "That was SO last year." She was WONDER WOMAN this year and she had no problem being the only one. She had to dig deep in her gene pool to be so cool, because I have nothing. Were you dancing to the greatest alternative band of the 90's (the Pixies) at 15 months? Didn't think so.
You girls started with a terrific first post for your blog and I commend you. Before my daughter starts to understand the 'We're gay, we judge that's what we do.' mantra, I will do my best to translate your fabulousness.
Oh, yes and thank you for referencing me, brilliant and embittered:)
I have so totally BEEN THERE!
The straightest guy I know is also obsessed with WW, pretty much for Marsden-esque reasons - he adores giant Amazonian women. When I saw the Toronto production of The Producers, and the 6'1"+ actresss playing Una, I didn't know whether to cast her in a WW musical or wrap her up and send her to him.
Yaay! We're here! I feel as though we've all moved into a new classroom in school, lol. But only the cool people are invited.
God, that woman is stunning. Between her and Catwoman of the 60's Batman TV show, it's a wonder this little girl wasn't persuaded to change camps.
I could look at her gorgeous assets all day ...
Yaay! We're here! I feel as though we've all moved into a new classroom in school, lol. But only the cool people are invited.
God, that woman is stunning. Between her and Catwoman of the 60's Batman TV show, it's a wonder this little girl wasn't persuaded to change camps.
I could look at her gorgeous assets all day ...
(Forgot to say it was me, Lima Bean, not to be confused with Bean)
YOU boys are and will forever be MY Wonder Woman. Women? Combined you make one Wonder Woman? You get my point. :)
My dad named me after Jaime Sommers.
They told me when I was in the 4th grade, and I went by my middle name for the rest of the year. I swore I'd change it when I got older.
And I did.
Sorry...I saw that name in the post and just froze. I haaaaaaaate the name Jaime.
Congrats on the new blog, though!
I am a femme lesbian who's got a large tattoo of WW on my arm. I get oohs and ahhhhhs all the time! Lynda Carter/WW was my first crush and my first hero. I love your tribute to her. I added your blog to my favorites!
I have always (not so secretly) wanted a tiara. When I was in second grade I wanted to be either 1). an archaeologist or 2). a duchess and I based both choices on the accesories (pith helmets and tiaras are at the opposite ends of the chic headgear spectrum).
Love the new blog! Cheers, T&L!
Well, GREAT! Now I'm having Wonder Woman dreams!
Last night it went like this....
I'm a little kid and am snuggled in bed with my boyfriend and we're waking up. (I loved that part! Even though it never really happened!) We whisper to each other about the fact that WW is sleeping at the bottom of the bed! The feeling I had in the dream was that she was protecting us during the night from something unknown.
So the boyfriend whispers, "Is she still there?"
So I peek my head out from under the covers and there she is, lying across the bottom of the bed in her white shorty WW nighty! Grecian inspired with golden trim. She's modestly kicking off her panties, getting ready to change into her WW costume! For some reason Julie Newmar popped in during this part! Linda Carter's body double?
I duck back under the covers and tell the boyfriend she's getting up and we both start giggling because I almost got a chance to see WW's boobs!
We try to keep down the laughing because we're supposed to be asleep and then we feel something above us and I look up to see Linda Carter's smiling face saying "Good Morning, Boys!"
Then I woke up!
T&L, I'll need your address because I'm having my therapist send you the bill!
Oh and could you blog something about movie actors John Payne and Guy Madison so I can dream about them getting undressed in my bed?! Together or separate, droesn't matter! Thanks!
Brian
I couldn't stop laughing at this post! It is hilarious!
Let's ALL stop a war with Love. Many childhood hours were spent spinning 'round the parlor to near-puking, hoping Wonderful powers would follow.
Who do we write to get this MoFo released on DVD?
Does my memory fail me or did they move the "time" up to current times (the 70's) later in the run of the TV show?
I have seen Lynda Carter twice at the Mayflower Hotel in DC. The woman is still gorgeous and too kind for words. I told her how much I adored the show and her. She was very gracious and thanked me profusely. LOVE her!
Yep, they moved it up to the 70s in the second season. ANd th whoever mentioned DVDs, if you type Wonder Woman in the search Amazon bar to the left, you'll be able to order all 3 seasons - and help T&L to boot, if I undertsnad these things correctly
"Get us out from under, Wonder Woman!" I think that is actually the missing lyric from "I Am Woman" by Helen Reddy. As a comic fangirl geek I love WW (and have the action figure collection to prove it!) but as a TV viewing straight little girl I had it bad for Mr. Lyle Waggoner, all the way back to the Carol Burnett Show! Yummy!!
Reliving key fabulous moments from TLo history, I stumbled on this post. Is that Chris March in his Wonder Woman outfit? Did you two divine the FUTURE?!?!
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