Bitches, let's put the stiletto to the metal!
Oh, ladies. The return of Miss Ru to our TV last night was LONG overdue. We were almost as excited for this season premiere as we are for tonight's Lost premiere.
Now, we have a LOT of information to run down, so this episode is going to take at least a couple of posts. We'll introduce the girls, and rip on their tatty-ass dresses for now. Normally, the first couple of episodes of a reality competition are a bit confusing because it takes a while to learn everyone's names and personalities. Well, when each contestant has at least two names, personalities, and looks, that makes the job all that much harder. But before we get to that...
What a fabulous first guest judge to have. In fact, judging by the previews, it'll be one fabulous guest judge after another this season. Between the judge bookings and the expanded and much more glamorous sets, we're thrilled that Miss Ru's little traveling show of she-males is getting the kind of support it deserves.
And Merle looks so much better when she's not stressed out over trying to please the tacky twins over on Launch My Line. We adore her (even if we did make fun of her on LML) and we'll be doing an interview with her soon.
Only the gays could come up with a Gone With the Wind theme challenge revolving around dresses made out of curtains. We think that's what we love most about this show. It's everything fabulous and funny and subversive about the gays all on display in one hour of television.
So let's meet the girls:
Nicole Paige Brooks, working a southern-belle persona. We think she's the strongest competitor.
She's been doing this a long time and it shows. She's got the poise and the look and she's got the sewing skills. Plus, she was the only one who really went for a pseudo period look with her costume.
Shangela describes herself as a little boojee, but she's also your home girl. Well, we weren't seeing the boojee part of it,
In fact, we weren't even seeing the home girl part of it. We think the kid's got potential, but she clearly hasn't settled on a persona yet. And we will never understand people who try out for reality shows and don't brush up on the skills you know you're going to need. Bitch, take a sewing class. We can't say we were surprised she was sent home.
Raven's our pick for the biggest CharismaUniquenessNerveTalent among the bunch.
But damn, that girl can bring it. Her makeup skills are fierce. Another major contender.
What an adorable little Asian princess. We don't really like the dress, though.
Sahara seems very sweet, but...
She looks EXACTLY like Sheree from Real Housewives of Atlanta! Seriously! Look:
Anyway, she could be a contender but she really needs to reach deep down inside and find her inner CharismaUniquenessNerveTalent because a sweet drag queen is an unemployed drag queen.
Morgan makes a cute boy but damn, is she FULL of herself. She's gonna be a contender too.
She has a terrible walk but that "dress" was pretty killa. We knew she'd won it as soon as she walked out. We're not completely sold on her face, though. She has the potential to be a traditionally beautiful glamour queen, but she goes for this really harsh, slutty look.
Mystique Summers. Gotta love a nerdy drag queen. Her name is a mashup of two X-Men characters. She says the big girls are gonna represent this year and we certainly hope she can stay in the game. It shouldn't be ALL skinny bitches. Those fat drag queens know how to put on a show.
Unfortunately, this big girl apparently can't put an outfit together. But in typical big girl style, what she lacked in sartorial splendor...
She MORE than made up for with attitude and sass. You GO.
Jessica Wild sounds like a member of the chorus in West Side Story.
But she gives FANTASTIC face.
And she's got the poise down cold. The outfit was pretty fab too.
Sonique doesn't look that glamorous out of drag...
But HOLY SHIT. She has the best makeup skills in the bunch. Another major contender.
Her walk and her garment were pretty fab too.
Tatianna went to school in drag when she was 14 and for that we love her a little. She comes off all sweet, but she's got that stealth bitch thing going on.
Gorgeous face but horrific dress.
LOVE LOVE LOVE PANDORA BOXX. First off, she's adorable and funny, and she comes across sweet but we're pretty sure she's got a raging CharismaUniquenessNerveTalent somewhere inside.
And damn if she doesn't look astonishingly like Kathy Griffin when she wants to.
You gotta love that.
That dress needed work, though. And she was too low-key on the catwalk. You'd think she would have really brought it since her idol was sitting there, but maybe she was intimidated. We're counting on you, girl. Don't let us down.
Is the prettiest girl in the room. She could do with a little refining of her makeup skills, but the bitch has the bone structure to be world class.
And while the dress wasn't much to look at, she sold the hell out of it, like any true queen would.
So Morgan won it.
And Shangela went home.
But not before giving it everything she had during the lip synch. As Sonique said, it looked like Mortal Kombat out there on the catwalk.
Okay! Now you've got the rundown. If you haven't seen the show yet, you can watch it here. We'll be looking at the photo shoot later in the week, but bitches, we are SO THRILLED it's back and looks to be better than ever.
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