The Tom & Lorenzo Archives: 2006 -2011
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Virgins v. Vixens

It's a Christmas Miracle! V v. V is BACK!

Unfortunately, kittens, with the return of our beloved hardscrabble divas, comes the news that one of them left the ring on a stretcher. Yes, it's true:


And pets will never again be neutered because of it. Happy now?

To be honest, we can't say the outcome was a surprise. When we first posted it, we were trying to guess the outcome and came to the conclusion that Miss Day's style of demur is simply too far out of fashion to go up against Sophia's timeless sensuality. To our pleasant surprise, she rallied, though, getting far more votes and making the bout far tighter than we would have guessed.

At any rate, Sophia has more than earned her rest by going up against one powerhouse after another. She's taking a break for some pasta and grappa to get her strength back for her return to the ring. In the interim, we have two MAJOR powerhouses for this "week's" bout. Clutch your pearls and hold on to your handbags ladies, because NO ONE can predict how things will turn out as...


takes on


And the crowd goes wild!

We're a little partial to the Princess because she's a hometown Philly girl and the poster child for marrying well. On the other hand, has there ever been a dame as dame-y as Elizabeth Taylor? That bitch knew how to LIVE. On the one hand, she's an honest-to-god princess; on the other hand, she's the greatest fag hag who ever has and ever will live. On the one hand, Rear Window; on the other hand, White Diamonds ("These have always brought me luck."). Choices, choices, bitches! Get to work!

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Going to have to go with Grace Kelly.

Liz! Liz! Liz!

Miss Liz, please! Diva!

No question. Grace. Always Grace!

Have to go with Liz on this one. I love Grace, but come on!

holy crap!!

dame liz taylor, all the way

FUCK! You are devious bitches....but because "White Diamonds" is the only thing I find refuge in during the Christmas times, I am ever grateful to my dear LIZ TAYLOR.

Choices, choices....
oh, who am I kidding?
Instinct says: Liz.

As much as I enjoy the rerun White Diamonds ads (look! Liz is 55 again!), but how can you look at "To Catch a Thief" and not vote for the Princess. Plus, she dated Oleg Cassini!

Now and always, Grace Kelly.

You boys are cruel to make us choose... this is so painful... so very painful.

Because of High Noon... "do not forsake me oh my darlin'" The original stand by your man...


Omg omg....pearl clutching indeed because I can NOT choose!

I love Liz but Grace Kelly gets my vote because in the end, I want to be royalty. Marrying well? You bet your ass.

I ... I... uh ....

gak ... gak ... no ... no ... it hurts! ... garble gak ...

*falls to floor unconscious*

Elizabeth Taylor always.

This one was easy...

LIZ all the way.

No better Vixen ever!


Oh come on. It's The Queen of the Nile. Liz.

Elizabeth Taylor for sure

You boys are malicious.

God I love Liz, but I have to give this round to Miss Kelly. You can't argue with legit royalty.

Tough, but I vote for Princess Grace.

HAS to be Liz. Who could deny those violet eyes??


Liz, Liz, Liz. Why marry a prince when you can marry Richard Burton TWICE?

You are evil.

But, I vote for Liz. Grace may have married a a prince, but Liz would sleep with one, watch him divorce his wife, then leave him. And thats a diva fairy tale!

Liz, forever.

C'est moi, c'est moi Lola

OMFG.... Talk about a 'Sophie's Choice'!

Sigh. My vote is for Liz, White Diamonds and all....

I love Grace for all the obvious reasons, but Liz had me at "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" Some of the best goddamn lines EVER and Liz reveled in every one of them! Nobody did boozy like Liz and Richard.

Well, I named my second born daughter Grace K after her.....(because my husband had the hots for her in her Rear Window days).
What else can I do?

Grace Kelly it is.

Yikes, this is a toughie. Liz said she married so many times because she always felt she had to marry a guy to sleep with him. Grace, on the other hand, had lots of lovers (Gary Cooper, Cassini, William Holden among others) but waited to marry until it really counted. Liz might have seemed more vixenish on the outside, but I think Grace was more of a vixen in real life. I'm going with Grace.

I'm quite sure Liz could kick the everloving shit out of Grace. And this is a cage match isn't it?


Grace -- hands down.



Grace Kelly. No contest. I've always loved her.

gotta go Grace!

Gotta go with Ms. Taylor. So what if she had poor taste in husbands. Don't we all have that problem from time to time?

Grace all the way


Without hesitation...Grace Kelly

I am too stricken at the elimination of Miss Day to


Princess Grace, of course!

Two women who, in their primes, were the most beautiful creatures who ever graced this planet. Tough choice. But that image of Grace leaning over Jimmy Stewart in Rear Window always takes my breath away. For that alone it's Grace for the win.

Though I would have rather had Liz's lovers than the prince (who looks a little bit like a toad) Liz has become a bit of a joke in her dotage. Dying young(ish) does preserve a bit of the mystery.


"A little rubbing alcohol for you, Martha?"

Liz, bitches, plz!

Seeing as I too, am in the Philly area, I must go with Grace.

you can't beat the power of violet eyes ... LIZ!!

liz for the win





I admire classic beauty AND a beautiful broad but this time have to go with the classic because she is timeless. GRACE.


Sweet Jesus boys, you are killing me with this one.

I just saw rear window for the first time a few weeks ago (SPECTACULAR!) and I have to say Grace Kelly is fabulous in every respect.

But the violet eyes of Ms Taylor...

Screw it...Princess Grace FTW!


Cruel and unusual punishment, this choice is. Yikes!

Grace Kelley for that kiss in "rear window" alone...

hardest. choice. EVER!

I have to go with Liz.

Grace Kelly all the way!


You dirty, dirty bitches! How dare you!

OMG...I'm going to be clutching my pearls for days as I try to make this choice....

but I still love you, TLO!

Rear Window is enough to put me on Team Grace for life.

Grace, all the way! Anyone who saw her in "to catch a thief" would totally agree. She was the closest thing to royalty america could have. All american, well educated philadelphia socialite turns actress, turns princess...who can compete with that?

GRACE. royalty ALWAYS wins.

without a question, GRACE.

It has to be the amazing Grace Kelly!

Have to go with my hometown girl - Grace all the way!

I have to go with the one dame my father met personally, if not accidentally. She was on tour, promoting her latest thing. My father wandered into her press conference by accident. He looked to up to see what all the fuss was and there she was.

She was shorter in person than he thought she'd be.

And anyway, my uncle had a crush on her too.

So for them, my vote is cast for LIZ TAYLOR.

definitely grace, grace, grace

Damn, TLo. But I'll go with Grace on this one.

Grace Kelly, of course.

Miss Grace Kelly please

I'm back to my senses.

THE tabloid story of the 60s was the adventures of Liz and Dick. The diamonds, the jet-setting fabulosity!

Grace has always left me cold, as virgins tend to do.

It just has to be the one, the only, the violet-eyed


liz! oh lord almighty, she is just too vivacious to handle.

Tough one! But I have to go Liz.

Grace Kelly. Does Liz have a song named after her? I think not.


SO Hard!!!

Screw it

Grace FTW!

Didn't have to think a second: LIZ!

"Clink. Clink, Clink. Clink"

Liz Taylor, now and forever.

Piffle, no contest. Liz Taylor! It was never about reflected glory from who she married, she was always an equal powerhouse.

One of the best actresses ever, stunning, wildly dramatic life and would wipe the floor with Grace.

I can't believe that no one as pedantic as myself hadn't weighed in on this but Miss Kelly actually was an HSH: Her Serene Highness in English.

Sorry Princess, but this old Hollywood whore has to go where the bread's buttered.
1st child actor to successfully transition to A list adult roles.
1st woman to make a million $'s a film.
1st woman to produce her own films.
1st woman to make the studios dance to her tune, instead of the other way around via "The System".
1st actress to successfully brand a perfume which continues to be a top seller after over 20 years on the market.
1st person in Hollywood to have the balls to speak out against the stigma & raise money for AIDS Charities.
Embodies the advent of the Sexual Revolution.
"Le Scandal" still makes today's tabloid fodder look like babies makin' mud pies in a sandbox.

La Liz isn't just a virgin who had the smarts to become a vixen, she IS Hollywood!
No one like her before or since.

Elizabeth Rosemond Taylor Hilton Wilding Todd Fisher Burton Burton Warner Fortensky-- FTW!


Ooooh, I really wanted to go with the lovely Ice Princess, but I cannot overlook Dame Taylor's staggering accomplishments in the field of vixenry.

Grace Kelly. Always and forever. My favorite movie is "High Society."


and Whitney, that was beautiful!

Since this is Virgins and Vixens, not Dames and Divas, I'm going to cast my vote for Grace Kelly on the strength of one bit of gossip.

She reportedly once did a striptease in Hollywood for Alfred Hitchcock...from about a mile away, as he watched through a telescope.

Virginal vixen-hood at its best.

Grace Kelly all the way.

I'm more partial to Grace Kelly but definitely a tough choice.

It pains me but...Liz!

la aterciopelada

At first I didn't think I could choose, but after some thought I have to go with the woman who's beauty, poise, diction, charm, and..well, grace I only wish I could emulate.

For the clothes in Rear Window and the way she handled that fantastic car on a windy road in Monaco with Cary Grant in the passenger seat in To Catch a Thief, I gotta go with Princess Grace.

Grace Kelly, baby.

This one's a tough call since as alluded to earlier, you can't exactly label either a virgin but neither are exactly Vixens

So you have the quintenssential Hitchcock blond muse vs a grande dame who grew up with Tennessee Williams.

And they both were willing to go bland and "ugly" for their oscar winning roles.

I guess I'll give it to Liz for having the guts to tackle Shakespeare


Liz. Even if she had only done Viginia Woolf, it would still be Liz.

Hubby saw the White Diamonds ad last night, and said "damn, Liz is still looking good." He didn't have a clue how old that ad is (or Liz, obviously).

Grace Kelly, please.

i about fell off my chair.

love them both dearly but....



Grace Kelly. She's so elegant in every way.

grace kelly, of course.

Tough one.

My grandmother went to a dinner party with Elizabeth Taylor once and said she had the most stunning eyes in real life--they were beautiful on screen but in real life, they were truly mesmerizing.

Of course, Grandmama also called her a hussy. I think I'll have to go with the un-hussy, Princess Grace.

Miss Grace Kelly, always.

Liz forever!!! She brought men down to their knees.

grace kelly. deff

Oh, you boys are EVIL.

Trust your gut...
I'm going with Grace Kelly.

But, Anon 3:28 made a wonderful argument for Liz.

Grace Kelly couldn't carry Liz Taylor's bra! That one look from Liz in "Place in the Sun" when she first sees Monty Clift knocks Grace right outta the ring! Liz Taylor FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's gotta be Liz. Grace is cool - that's her shtick, after all - but Liz is the queen of the movie divas, post Bette and Joan.

Oh, please. Grace M*********ing Kelly.

LIZ! For "BOOM!" alone...

There is nothing like a dame.



Princess Grace, hands down.

Gotta be Liz Taylor.

Evil! Couldn't we have put Grace up against Mamie Van Doren or something? At any rate, though I am thoroughly obsessed with both, it's Grace Kelly for the win.

Grace Kelly.


In my wildest dreams, I live her life in Monaco.

Oh, wow. Tough choice, but Grace gets my vote.

Grace Kelly, no doubt about it.

Liz also know a couple (7 or 8) things about how to marry.

Oh, HRH for sure!!

How did you know about my weakness for the dream that is Grace? I'm pretty sure the only person I would vote for over Elizabeth Taylor is Grace Kelly.

Grace Kelly all the way!

Liz. Period.

Grace Kelly all the way down Kelly Drive, wearing Kelly green, and living the high life all the way.

Not even close. LA LIZ.

Princess Grace! :)

Grace Kelly.

Love Grace, but she's too much the ice princess. And I wanna see the knock-down drag-out final bout between Miz Liz and La Bella Sophia. Brunettes rule!

"There Is Nothing Like a Dame"...

Liz it Iz...


No Question, Doubt or Hesitation: Liz Taylor!

Ooh, Grace Kelly!

Oh, agony! This is cruelty in the extreme TLo. I gotta go for the sultry brunette. For one thing, Liz is still hanging in there.


Grace Kelly, the most beautiful woman who ever lived.

And the only silver screen goddess who wore clothes better than Audrey Hepburn. (GOD I would have loved to see that matchup!) Seriously, the woman's clothes in every single movie she appeared in are TO DIE, and boy did she knew how to work them!

GRACE! That woman has the best screen kisses.

Sorry, this wasn't hard at all. Ms. Taylor if you're nasty.

This is probably the toughest one yet.
I'm gonna go with Liz, though.

Liz! Cat on a Hot Tin Roof is a great movie and she makes it hot.

Tough, but Grace!

Grace all the way.




The ultimate vixen-in-virgin's clothes (the best kind) gives this round to Grace. "Cause she's sensational..."

I'm a huge Hitchcock fan, so I'm going with Grace Kelly.

I, too, fell to the floor *at work mind you* when I scrolled down to see the queen of all vixens and starlets ---- ev.errrrr. The obvious choice --- Liz Taylor, of course.

- edina -

this was a tough one, but I will have to go with Grace Kelly

Grace Kelly

Miss Grace Kelly, sorry Liz

Grace, please

The Kelly family had a house three blocks from our beach house in Ocean City New Jersey- gotta give props to Grace who would do her own shopping at the Acme- she was amazaing and yet still a real person, or as real as a princess can get- my vote is for Grace.

oh no! i'll mourn the loss of doris later. in the meantime, im voting for elizabethfuckingtaylor


Um, Liz of course.

Dame Elizabeth Taylor.

My favorite actress, my favorite activist, and basically my favorite human.

even though Mike Todd said "any time (liz) spends out of bed is a waste" I am going with


Grace! Grace! Grace!

Grace Kelly was a stunner, but for seductiveness, talent, courage, humor, originality, heart-stopping beauty that was evident from BIRTH, for heaven's sake -- Elizabeth is and always will be a legend.

While Liz is clearly the vixen, I think Grace was both the virgin and the vixen - albeit a subtle, quiet one. The mixing of the two wins my vote.

Grace, always

As much as I like Grace Kelly she as only a princess Liz was the Queen.

Always, only, Liz.


You really can't lose either way, but I gotta pick Ms. Grace Kelly.


Love HRH, but there is no question here. Liz could act circles around Grace.

For Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf alone, Liz wins.

Grace Kelly. No question.

Liz; on a hot tin roof.

Grace Kelly was the epitome of style and class. She was a smart businesswoman who knew when to follow her heart, and when to follow her head.

this is brutal.

but not that brutal.


Damn you crafty bitches...

Grace Kelly has to get my vote.


Thanks for giving me a nearly impossible decision.

Because I have to choose someone...sigh...Grace Kelly.

But I love you, too, Liz!

Princess Grace. For whatever reason i’ve never been much of a Liz Taylor fan.

Definitely Princess Grace.

Liz Taylor FTW - but damn, this one was hard!

Grace Kelly

HRH, for sure!

Fellow Philly gal here, but I gotta go with La Liz

Grace. Even if she'd done nothing else in the world but "Rear Window". Adore!

No contest.


Grace Kelly!

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