The Tom & Lorenzo Archives: 2006 -2011
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"Nine" New York Premiere

Enough with the PRS7 speculation and prejudging. We've got some ripping to do, Bitter Kittens!

A murmuration of starlets attended the New York premiere of "NINE" sponsored by Chopard at the Ziegfeld Theatre in New York City.

Fergie in Marchesa Resort 2010

Here's the thing: it's plain and safe to the point of boring, but she tends to veer wildly all over the red carpet, with looks ranging from clown-car to classic. We'll take this.

Kate Hudson in Chanel Fall 2009 Couture

It's not our favorite dress from that collection. We just can't abide that pointless and silly-looking train. Still, edit that out in your head, and she looks cute. She's got no clue how to pose for a picture, though.

Goldie Hawn in Christian Dior Spring 2008

Oh, good lord. Much as we love her, Miss Piggy is not a fashion icon.

Judi Dench

Oh, dear. Look, we're just going to say it: she looks matronly. Yes, she is a matron, if you want to get pedantic about it, and we're certainly not suggesting she should go out and vamp it up or glam it out. But we've seen her make much better choices and walk the red carpet looking much better than this. Judi, we luvya, but this is the premiere of a major motion picture; not the Christmas concert of your church choir.

Mary and Ashley Olsen

God bless those crazy little gremlins. Who would have thought twenty years ago those goofy looking sitcom toddlers would grow up to become fashion bitches? We're stubbornly proud of the fact that we have no interest in trying to remember which one is which, so we'll just say we like the jacket on the one on the left. The one on the right looks like an evil muppet.

Madonna and Lourdes Leon in Dolce & Gabbana [Spring 2010]

Once again, Madge tries to recycle her past. The crucifix and the lingerie-inspired dress only make her look sad to us. It's not a bad look, and on someone else, we might even laud it, but on her, it's just a boring and deliberate attempt on her part to remind everyone of the good old days.

Lourdes actually looks cute. Don't you just assume, without really knowing anything worthy about her, that she must be the biggest, brattiest little bitch in the world? That little vixen hits 18 and she's gonna make Paris and Lindsay look like Joan of Arc.

Marion Cotillard in Christian Dior

Like Fergie's dress, it's pretty and it's safe. But we expect more from the gal who rocked a fish dress at the Oscars. Plus those beads; they don't work, right? Is it us?

Naomi Watts in Marchesa

Alexis Carrington's secretary on a bad hair day. We love "bare" makeup when it's done well and on the right face, but this really isn't the dress to be wearing if you're going for a clean look.

Nicole Kidman in Prada Fall 2009 [Modified version]

It's nothing spectacular and it's yet another look that reinforces her china-doll persona, but we have to say, it's the best she's looked in a while, in our opinion.

UPDATE: Makeup malfunction. Someone is going to get fired.

Penelope Cruz in vintage Chanel couture

Did you know that Penelope is FIERY and EARTHY and SENSUAL? Because she is SPANISH? No? Then you must not have read every article written about her in the last 5 years. This dress is for all of you, then. When she turns around, the back reads "SEXY SPANISH LADY" in glitter script.

Guess which sentence in this post we completely made up.

[Photos: WireImage/]

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LMAO at Miss Piggy. It is so true though! God those gloves are just LAME!

The Olsen Twins are just bizzare. I really don't think they have any fashion sense. Sometimes it looks like they are dressing like the old lady in Great Expectations.

Love the FIERY SPANISH LADY. I think she looks great, but then again it is a pretty safe dress for her.

As for china Nicole, I think that dress is too young for her. The bubble skirt is a little high school prom. Her skin is always so shiny....what is up with that?

I like the original version of Nicole's Prada better, but she just had to show us her boobies. I'm tired of seeing dresses that look like they're about to slip off the nips.



Even her hair lookls like Miss Piggy!! Epic fashion fail.

I also really hate the look that Naomi Watts is wearing. Her chest looks really weird. Like she is wearing some kind of stuffed breast plate.

I also agree with you boys about Lourdes...she does look like the biggest bitchiest brat in the world. But I am glad that she is getting her eyebrows under control (or at least it seems).


I liked Lourdes' look though.

PS. Hawn's & Spawn's dresses are my favorites, but PLEASE without the fluffy marshmallow cape and the train. (Was it a cold day or something?)

So much ugly! Who would have thought the best dressed of this lot would be Lourdes Leon & an Olsen twin? Fergie, Nicole and Penelope are just okay. Mariane and Kate would be okay with some adjustments, but everyone else needs to try this again. Goldie especially needs to be shot for wearing the Easter wrap of a 10 year old child.

Marion is one deep breath away from a major nipple slip. And is it just me, or does Madonna look like she's had some ill-considered facial "work" done?

Naomi Watts hair. I never get why stars show up for events with ghastly roots. Don't they get touch ups before big occasions?

I liked Marion Cotillard's and Nicole Kidman's dresses. Now, which sentence you made up... I know - that Miss Piggy is not a fashion icon!

The comments on Judi Dench's look ties to my initial thoughts at Fergie, and then most of the rest.

Can't the designers make gowns with sleeves or some more coverage look pretty?
That would be good for late fall and winter as well as for older or larger/softer women.
Otherwise you end up with what Judi Dench ended up with.

Lourdes outfit was cute.
There were a few other winners - I liked the original of Nicole's better.

the twins - the eye makeup was worse than the clothes.

@Debs--Madonna's roots are even worse! good lord. and the semi-sheer black hosiery is killing me.

Lourdes looks awesome, though. I'd kill for that outfit!

I think the modifications for Nicole's version of the Prada are a BIG improvement. And I think Penelope looks fab too.

What happened to Daniel Vosovic's dress from the PR all-star challenge? Isn't anyone going to wear it?

Guys, I adore you. But Dame Judi can do no wrong in my eyes.

Dame Judi for the win!

C'est moi, c'est moi Lola

The Fug Girls were right - Madonna DOES have a case of old lady face!

That's all from this bitter kitten....

LOL about Penelope.

And you're right about Marion's bead necklace. It looks wrong with that dress.

Marion Cotillard looks just so perfectly French. Exquis!!
I love the beads.

Nicole Kidman looks like a crazy lady IMHO.

Madonna is oficially embarrassing mom who still dresses like she did when she was young.
What a sad, sad, spectacle she makes of herself.

The Olsen twins look dreadful, with that shiny botoxed-within-an-inch-of-their-lives skin, those dead raccoon eyes, and that lanky hair. It's hard to believe that they are only 23.

forget what she is wearing - what happened to Madonna's face?!?

Lots of unflattering hair and makeup choices going on, although I think Dame Judi's hair and makeup look fabulous (she really does have gorgeous eyes). Also, too much nip/tuck on too many of those faces.

I actually like Fergie's dress the best out of all of those, but think her hairstyle and shiny makeup detract from the dress.

"Tlo said: That little vixen hits 18 and she's gonna make Paris and Lindsay look like Joan of Arc."

Who knows? She might go the other way and be a doctor or something. She is gorgeous though, and it's funny to see her dressed like her mom, circa 1985 (right down to the gloves and rubber bracelets).


The fuzzy Olsen seems to have brought her briefcase?
Marion Cotillard looks so very European!
And, natch, every 12 year old should have D & G to wear!

Dear Santa,

Will you please let Fergie know that the middle part in her hair does her no favors? It bugs the shit out of me every time I see her.

Hugs and Kisses,

yeah! ho! wah!

fergie: she looks better than most of the time, but that really doesnt mean that much.

kate hudson: looks good to me.

goldie hawn: im not bothered by the gloves, but the overall look just isnt all that pretty.

judi dench: disagree with tlo. i think she looks very good here. that red scarf thingie is fierce!

the olsens: mental institution chic!

madonna: agree 100% with tlo.

lourdes leon: cute, maybe a little too casual for the event.

marion cotillard. boring

naomi watts: she looks terrible!

nicole kidman: very cute, nice silhouette

penelope cruz: boring, but at least its not black or white.

the olsen twins.
(Cue the Twilight Zone music)

I just picture them opening their little mouths and having sqeaky alien sounds come out.

creepy, no matter what they wear.

I don't know...Lourdes mostly just looks mortified by her mother, to me.

And, really, aren't we all mortified by her mother?

Oh poor Madonna, she's had work done badly so she has the look a rich-lady-petrified-of-aging and she's exercised in extremis and has man-arms. Glad she covered up most of the man-arms for the preview.

Nicole Kidman continues with her role as "Frozen Mask" -- a scary face that continues to give me the sceebies when I see it. Why can't she just allow a little bit of gentle aging on her face and a wee bit of fat through her lips. Honey, your bony chest bones showing through your chest are inconsistent with your bosom (obvs. fake ones).

Actually boys, I have to disagree with you on one point - the top half of Madonna's getup looks desperately nostalgic, but the bottom half looks pretty dowdy and matronly. I'm sure she was trying to temper the bustier and gloves with a conservative hemline, but it's an inappropriate look for her all around.

I always thought the Olsen twins (when they were younger) look like those funny little Troll dolls with the hair that stood up. Now they look like bag ladies. Kate Hudson looks better, but poor Goldie, bless her heart. Madonna looks like a bitter old woman. Nicole looks like the postergirl for Botox-Restylane-Juvederm. Penelope looks like she is trying to channel Sophia Loren. And the Joan Collins secretary? Oh my. Did she think she was attending a Junior League luncheon? Overall, not impressed.

aw, don't be so hard on penelope - she looks gorgeous and the fact that she's latina (and described however she'd described) doesn't mean she can't wear red! she is rocking that dress. i also think judi dench looks great - you're dead on about the christmas concert, but so what? if you stay awesome & sane in that industry as long as she has you can mix up the genres if you feel like, i think.

but omg "evil muppet" -- hilarious.

xx. you two are the greatest.

oh thank you thank you thank you! I have just had a great laugh!

Miss Piggy
Evil Muppets
Alexis Carrington's Secretary on a bad-hair day!

You guys are ON FIRE today...

oops, penelope's legit spanish, it turns out. sorry p! spanish, then.

I'm just glad Nicola Kidman is rocking the red hair again, blonde didn't really work on her.

There's lots of fug, some middeling looks, and two great looks. The great looks are IMHO, the Spanish Lady (vavavoom, she looks GORGEOUS!), and Dame Judi Densch, who looks her age, thank goodness. OK, TLo, I know you think she looks too matronly, even though she IS a matron, but her hair and makeup are flawless, AND she just looks incredibly comfortable. So what if she looks like she is ready to sing in the Christmas choir?? Better to look seasonably beautiful than seasonally ugly (Madonna, and the Olsen cadavers, I'm talking to you.)

I wouldn't care if she showed up in a house coat, IMHO the Dench can do no wrong.

You're right about Kidman. She looks almost lifelike for the first time in years. I saw her on Larry King last night, and I thought I actually saw an emotion register for a second on her formerly frozen face.

The Penelope comments: you slay me, as always.

I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone, because the person I think looks the prettiest and most well-dressed here is...Fergie!

Pass the smelling salts, please!

nycowgirl said:
"Guys, I adore you. But Dame Judi can do no wrong in my eyes."

Completely agree with you, NYCG. I think she always looks beautiful! No desperate bids for attention from her. (Yes, I'm looking at you, Goldie Hawn.)

Also, WHY DID NO ONE RUN A VACUUM CLEANER OVER THAT CARPET? That linty-looking stuff is driving me nuts. What is it? Magic foo-foo dust?


As for china Nicole, I think that dress is too young for her. The bubble skirt is a little high school prom. Her skin is always so shiny....what is up with that?

I'm actually an esthetician and so many people confuse shiny skin with bad/oily skin. In reality, healthy skin is supposed to have a natural shine/shimmer to it. Dull skin is an excellent indicator of having clogged pores and dirty skin. Just though I'd let everyone know that shiny skin is not always a bad thing =]

Bahahaha! This was the grumpiest, straight to the point post you've done for a little while - love it!

P. Cruz is the Sophia Loren of the new millenium. The gown is boring AND shiny, but she's so gorgeous I barely noticed. What a woman!
Oh, Goldie-- that's all I got. I'm too sad to continue.
Kate, the train! Spin around, catch it & rip it off! That's the least you can do for your fans.
I can see Madonna's business through her dress. It's bad enough I can say that, it's tragic to say that and her daughter's standing next to her.
Did I mention her daughter's dressed more appropriately than she is? Paging Frances Cobain's lawyers!
Nicole looks far better in this gown than she did in that Balenciaga bedspread she wore to the AMA's.
The Olsen's-- Crazy, party of 2, your table's ready! Does anyone know what their function is? Is there a tax write off for failed clothing lines?
Dame Judi's beautiful. I prefer a little restraint over Miss Piggy's delusions.
I usually love white gowns; these are just dull.
Naomi Watts looks wonderful from the neck down.

Just took another look at the lint. Perhaps it is crumbs left over from Goldie Hawn chewing the scenery.


Marion Cotillard's VIP pass seems to have fallen off her lanyard. but she's got on that expensive dress, I'm sure the Secret Service will let her in anyway.

As for everyone else, Bravo should just cancel "Shear Genius." It's clear that no one in Hollywood is using hair stylists or hair care products these days.


"Tlo said: That little vixen hits 18 and she's gonna make Paris and Lindsay look like Joan of Arc."

Who knows? She might go the other way and be a doctor or something. She is gorgeous though, and it's funny to see her dressed like her mom, circa 1985 (right down to the gloves and rubber bracelets).


Just imagine Madonna as your mom-WHAT on earth could this child do that would come close to shocking Madge? She is quite pretty, cute look for her.

I love Penelope Cruz, she can do little or no wrong.

The Olsen twins look like wealthy bag ladies to me...are they auditioning for the future remake of Grey Gardens already?

Can we add the Olson twins to the bad roots hall of shame too? Although the hair does match with their overall heroine chic look (last time they ate was during the wrap party for Full House).

Naomi Watts' dress was a NO! NO! NO! all the way - does she own a mirror? And her best friend Kidman is no help - she's being dressed by an unemployed Oompa Loompa.

I think Dame Judi looks amazing. Great hair and makeup. I'll forgive her slightly frumpy dress.

Naomi gets my worst dressed; Penelope best dressed for just being her beautiful spanish self.

Where's Daniel Vosovic's dress?

For me Naomi is the best in the group. By far. And I like the contrast between the overworked structured Dinasty dress, and the low-key make-up and hair.

Oh Madonna, Madonna...

Not a big fan of Kate Hudson, and yes Goldie looks dreadful, but that picture of them together is just so damn cute I can forgive them both. Goldie's just so proud of her daughter - it's all over her face.

What I can't get over is how itty bitty Judi is. I had no idea how tiny she was until I saw her in the group shots for Nine.

God, how I wish I'd been at that thing. The film will probably stink to high-heaven, but it was probably a pretty fab event.

The Olsen twins...*thud* are still alive?!? They nearly scared the crap out of me. They look bloody God awful and their handbags are as big as they are.

Lourdes looks cute and amazing (and I, too, am glad they got rid of that Freda Kahlo thing she had going on as a kid). Madonna looks worse every time we see her and I wish she'd just get a grip and stop dipping into her archived wardrobe and embrace age-appropriate clothing & accessories.

I nearly had an unfortunate accident when I read your comments about my girl Penelope. So, so true. Love her, but....she can stop with "the look" and just be herself. You're famous. You're talented and we will still love you, Penelope.

Like I said, God how I wish I'd been there. Looked like a fun affair.

- edina -

Is anyone else getting the psychic vibe that Maddonna forced her daughter to dress down and not overshadow Mommy?

(With apologies to Patty Duke....)

Meet Mary-Kate, with her bright blue bag
She looks like a floor mop in drag
But Ashley's purse, a black briefcase
The yellow shoes, so out of place
What a crazy nag!

But they're sisters,
Two comical sisters all the way.
One pair of fashion-don't girls,
Different as night and day.

Where Mary-Kate's skirt is way too long
That jacket, too, completely wrong
Our Ashley loves a giant fur
We half-expect the girl to purr
Call her "Ms. King Kong"!

Still, they're sisters,
"Identical" twins -- but no, they're not,
They blush alike, they gush alike,
Can't-even-use-a-brush alike --

You can lose your mind,
When Olsens are two of a kind.

Judi, Judi, Judi. Put the antimacassar back on the dresser.

Olsen Twins? Relevance?

Madonna reinforces my decision to avoid the knife and just age naturally. She looks like one of those dried apple head dolls. And you cannot wear corset next to sprog in public. Tacky squared.

I love Nicole Kidman's dress and Penelope looks hot as usual.

td, that was pure genius! Thanks for the rotflmao at work.

- edina -

I want to look like Dame Judi Dench when I'm her age. Great hair, natural aging. I don't mind the matronliness because I'd hate to see her go the other way :::cough:Goldie:cough:::. She looks way better--younger,even--than Goldie, despite having 12 years on her.

That Other Redhead said:

Madonna reinforces my decision to avoid the knife and just age naturally. She looks like one of those dried apple head dolls.

I applaud you, and I feel the same way. Nicole Kidman also saddens me. She used to be so beautiful, and she would still be beautiful if she had only let herself age the way nature intended. I hate what she's done to her face.

Goldie, fur? REALLY?? How disappointing. ;-(

"Murmuration"? You bitches are making my bust out my copy of Webster's!

Honestly, I thought a lot of these looks were big yawners. I'm so sick of every star and starlet trying so hard to stay off the "worst dressed" list that they just go boring and safe. Lourdes is the only one I liked! Shockingly!

Madonna looks just horrible here, IMO. And Naomi Watts? I know the '80s have been "back" for quite some time, but that dress is embarrassing!

I never would've recognized Nicole's dress as the Prada. I think I liked it better in its original state.

Oh yeah, and I don't care if they're fashion icons, if I never see the Olsens again I'll be happy.

"The one on the right looks like an evil muppet."

That comment alone made my day!

"A murmuration of starlets"

Minus the train, Kate would have gotten her first ever thumbs up from me. Bless her, though, for foregoing the patterned stockings.

Holy crap, Goldie.

"Christmas choir" -- Perfect! How do you come up with this stuff?

Looks like that Chubby is eating one of the Olsen twins alive. They both always look so sad, though, like they carry the weight of the world.

Marion: The beads don't bother me half as much as the worry that she's gonna pop right out.

Naomi - "Alexis Carrington's secretary on a bad hair day." There's nothing anyone can add to that, though I'd like to have seen a pin added to the bodice of the dress.

I like seeing Nicole in something not so grande dame, so thumbs up.

What the hell is Penelope wearing? Oy!

Fergie - the dress looks great on her and works better with her coloring than on the wan model. If her hair was in a partial updo, it would have taken the look to the next level.

Kate Hudson - the dress looks good, it would have been amazing without the train. I like her hair.

Goldie Hawn - I normally like for people to be lively on the red carpet, but she looks like a kid who missed her dose of Ritalin. If she brought it down a couple of notches, it would be a winner.

Judi Dench - She looks great from the neck up and OK from the neck down, perhaps a tad country mouse. Admittedly it is not easy to dress her age and figure to "Shut.It.Down! standards without engaging in D-Day level war games, so on that basis, it is a successful red carpet appearance.

Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen - They look so... creepy! I like the multi-colored jacket on the left. I would like the muppet jacket more if either it was a bright color or if the garment underneath was not black.

Madonna and Lourdes - Madonna looks fantastic, the best I have seen her look in a long while. I sooo wish that she was wearing sheer black rather than opaque hose. Lourdes is overdone by a piece or two, otherwise she looks great. I like the leather jacket and the combat boots, but the look would have been better without the gloves and beads.

Marion Cotillard - She looks alright, the look would have been better without the beads, although still meh. Perhaps some spectacular jewels and a more sophisticated coiffure would have elevated the look.

Naomi Watts - I like the eighties, but I am not crazy about this look. For the most part, it is meh / inoffensive.

Nicole Kidman - She looks great - a tad twee, but great nonetheless.

Penelope Cruz - Not necessarily Shutting.It.Down! but she looks great.

"She's got no clue how to pose for a picture, though."


bitchybitchyetc.: "WHAT on earth could this child do that would come close to shocking Madge?"

Take vows?


TD: "They blush alike, they gush alike, Can't-even-use-a-brush alike"

Clever! I like their clothing line, but why do they always look like they had to flee from somewhere with only the clothes on their backs?

Dame Judi Dench please

I really want to see this movie, but I have an irrational hatred of Fergie. I think she's trying to be 23, instead of her actual age of 32. And she's trashy.

Love the red dress, that was the only one that looked like a red carpet dress.

Interesting how subjective taste is. The Fug Girls loved Penelope's dress. I'm with you guys; I'm not in love.
Like most brunettes, she looks spectacular in red, but I hate the way that draping reminds me of theatre curtains.
Not crazy about the shiny satin either, although I will give her hats off for pulling off wearing satin without looking like a crumpled mess. Did she stand in the limo?

"murmuration of starlets" it!

Fergie, too bridal my dear, or Rami on a bad day.
Kate, adorable, but hate the tail.
Goldie, that's one scary smile, and she has lost all her cuteness, sorry.
Dame Judi shows us all what natural aging looks like on a beautiful woman. So appropriate and classy. Great scarf.
The Olsens, I too have given up on telling which is which, or doing anything but shudder and quickly scan down the page.
Madonna, see Olsen above.
Lourdes looks super cute AND age-appropriate.
Marion, lovely, but the beads are a strange choice.
Naomi, now THIS is the Christmas choir solo dress.
Nicole, liked her look at first glance, but after studying her, I'm disturbed by her dry hair and breastbone/boob combo, but I do like the dress on her.
Penelope, hello gorgeous! Please, please don't have work done, or stop at this point. She's beautiful and aging well.

td, LMAO!

I agree with Annonymous who said the Olsen Twins looked like troll dolls when they were young...I always thought so, too! They've not aged as well as the trolls, however. And Goldie Hawn! My god, she's stuck in 1985, and it's not doing her any favors. She needs to take a good long look in the mirror and come to grips with the fact she's not 29 any longer.

I've heard someone say this before, but I find it gets truer as time goes on: Madonna looks like a drag queen playing Madonna. Sad.

Judi Dench - love her, but Helen Mirren surpassed her as the glam ass-kicking British woman-of-a-certain-age in my book a few years ago, and this just doesn't help her case.

taking another look - I really like yellow shows the Olsens on the tight (MK?) is wearing.

And I think the jacket (fuzz ball) could be cute in another situation/outfit.

Fergie looks too short in that dress (and hat hair!)

Liked Kate without the train.

You know, I get an Edina/Saffy vibe off Madonna & Spawn, so not so sure she'll be hell on wheels. Lourdes looks great though.

Penelope is gorgeous, if a tab predictable.

Rock in Sunny FL

Are we absolutely certain that Carole Hannah didn't dress Nicole Kidman for this premiere? That sure as hell looks like a shortened version of her winning Project Runway gown.

UPDATE: Makeup malfunction. Someone is going to get fired.

T Lo

Well, I thought Penelope's dress was the best but I knew ya was gonna slam it. What happened to Madonna's bosoms, she was never buxom (wisely) but she looks a little deflated to me.

Lourdes is dead cool and Dame Judi has, I think, earned the right to phone it in once in a while; especially if it's going to be a cold night.

Fergie - Needs a better dye job, it looks as fake as her bake.

Kate - WTF with the train? She still looks better than the model, who looks like a trainwreck.

Goldie- Eh, she's old and her face is stuck like that, give her a break. Is Taylor Swift modeling too now?

Judi - She looks bored more than boring. She probably has better things to do.

Olson twins - Whatever. They're always a wreck. Hold me back with my tweezers!

Madonna - Totally expected. Are those new cheek inplants? Just in time for the holidays!

Marion - She almost always looks like a fool. The necklace ruins the boring dress.

Naomi - Straight from the gym and into a mother of the bride suit?

Nicole - Modified? It doesn't look anything like the original.

And of course Penelope - Why Rhett, this old thing? Looks like red satin sheets draped over her.

Kate's dress would have been my favorite if she had it modified to get rid of that train. Too bad.

Oh, man, the makeup malfunction. That's bad news. Poor Nicole looks even more like a cadaver dressed up for a wake. Admittedly, she is a much better redhead than blond, but that poor child has done so much to freeze, fill and plump her face, I fear it will never move naturally again. She needs to study Priscilla Presley's before and after photos if she doesn't want to end up like that.

The Olson twins - they're really standing there? That's not the Madame Tussaud's version?

Madge looks better than she looked over the summer but give up the bustiers, darling. 50 isn't the end of the world but dressing like it's 1985 just looks plain desparate.

Lourdes, however, is my favorite. She looks adorable and age-appropriate.

Dame Judi looks fab from the neck UP. But it looks like she was cold and stopped by one of the scarf vendors on a street corner in Midtown and bought a pashmina for $5.

"I am a Spanish Vixen" Cruz looks a bit like a Christmas tree skirt. Too shiny and too much like a curtain, miera.

All in all, a pretty boring red carpet. I wish you had a shot of Daniel Day. He often entertains.

Mark this one on the calendar - Kate Hudson actually looks like a hair stylist did something with her hair! And the results look good! but she's got no more clue how to pose for a picture than she does how to act.

Dame Judi might have achieved a better look if she'd left off the damn scarf.

And Lourdes is cute! Heaven help her, 'cause ya gotta know she's carrying more than her share of baggage with Madge for a mamma.


Lourdes looks age appropriate, and I like Kate Hudson's look for once. Nicole's dress is interesting though she needs to lay off the loofa. Her skin looks painfully shiny and thin. Dame Judy can do no wrong in my book. Better her safe look than Goldie's Miss Piggy imitation.

Re: the Olsen twin on the right, I would have gone with Cousin It.

The last pic of Nicole (aside from the 'let me show you I can kinda sorta move my face' expression) SHE LOOKS LIKE A DOLL!!! Someone just off camera clearly posed her arms and legs.

And Dame Judi Dench... Well everyone else up there will be damned lucky to look half as good when they reach her age, and doubly lucky if they still have relevant careers. Judi for the win!

The Olsen twins look dead inside (and the one on the right looks like runway roadkill). Look into their eyes. They're like robots.

Nicole Kidman actually looks very good. I think the modified look is much better than the original Prada design.

I swear my grandmother owns the same shawl thing that Dame Judi Dench is wearing. Ruins the whole look (sorry Nana).

Do the evil twins have any teeth?? ...never once seen them with a genuine facial expression.

Cutting Goldie a little slack because what the hell else are you going to wear with that hideous hair! And I blame her husband.

"Kurt, now that I'm a little older, just a VERY little that is, wouldn't I look nice with something shoulder length and slightly layered?"

"Don't you ever change your hair!! That's the hair I fell in love with, dammit! Don't you EVER. CHANGE. THAT. HAIR!! Got it?!!"

At least that's how I imagine it's like at the Russell-Hawns.

Thanks, I needed to get that off my chest.


Where's the man of the hour--Guido? I saw him on an interview show and kept wondering "who is that bland fellow"--he looked so ordinary--but wondered if he got all gussied up for the premiere.


GREMLINS!!!!! hahahahahahaha!

Lawdy, there is a whole lot of really bad aging going down that carpet. Dame Judi's outfit may look matronly, but at least she's not afraid to be herself. Madge, Goldie, Nicole, and even Kate are all looking awfully long in the tooth, even if some of them - well, one of them - really aren't.

Fergie and Marilyn - snooze city.

Olsen twins - scary little hobbits.

Where the hell is Sophia? That vixen can put all these pretenders to shame.

" A murmuration of starlets" !!!!

Erudition and bitchy combined, that is why I love you boys !!!

Mwah...and a lovely spiked egg nog...tis the season !!

What a odd collection of actresses and gowns. I just don't get the fuss over Fergie and Kate. Why are they a big deal? I like Kidman's dress the best of them all, but feel the need to yank it up and inch or two. Cruz looks lovely, the red satin is a bit much, but it looks amazing on her. the rest are big fat meh.

I wore a "stole" like Miss Piggy's at my 1968 Jr. Prom. PUH-leeze. If I were dressing from the past it sure as hell wouldn't be THAT!!!

Cannot stomach the Olsen twins. Blech.


It stabs me in my twee black little heart to know that I just came back from the most academically grueling day of my life only to find that the cast of Nine cannot fucking dress themselves, nor can they pay someone to do it for them with any efficacy whatsoever. I realize the implications of such a superficial comment, but I have eaten only caffeine and fashion gossip for the past four weeks. Let's give me a pass, love.
Word to my trash,

did all of hollywood run out of hair product? is there a shortage of bobbi pins and hairspray? it's a sad day when nicole k (aka - "never met a flat iron i didn't like") has the best hairstyle. i am not getting this "high fashion" meets "bed head" thing going on on the red carpet right now. yech.


I'd have given Madonna a pass if she wore a different necklace, or no necklace - the cross crosses the line, so to speak. Lourdes looks adorable, really a nicely put-together outfit.

HEEEE to the "fiery Latina" dress!

That Cotillard chick is awfully pretty. Yeah, shame about the beads.

I actually think Madonna looks hot -- covering up her nasty arm veins with those gloves was her smartest style move in ages.

Judi Dench may look matronly, but she also looks beauuutiful.

Everyone's hair so uninspired. Why are middle parts so damn popular? They're almost never flattering.

Kate needs to learn how to pose, if she's gonna wear expensive stuff on the red carpet. And for some reason, every time I see her, she looks like she has a double chin. Another reason to learn how to pose.

Goldie still thinks it's 1967. I'm pretty sure she's still dropping acid. At least that's what it looks like.

Those Mardi Gras beads on Marion Cotillard are really bugging me.

The twins look they've just risen from the dead.

Madonna? ICK.

Nicole does look really good - and happy.

And Penelope? I can't say anything, because my son is pretty sure he's going to marry her. Can't bitch about the daughter in law, ya know.


Kate Hudson
-agree he train is silly, but the rest of the dress is a knockout

Nicole Kidman
-She looks human and elegant. That is some modification though. Looks like a completely different design, but is still quite striking.

Everyone else

That wasn't Nicole K, Tom the over-controlling's ex, it was...Rene Zellweger. Just no. No coming back from planet wreck your face planet . No likee at any speed.

And that isn't Aussie Watts...that's Gwynneth Paltrow. Same styling, type and aesthetic shown here.

Love Dame Judy. Very favorite 6th grade teacher in beautiful low key evening wear, no probs. Hey, she doesn't have to be Penelope's red panty shiny panty dress. That is a big red satin pair of bloomers configed into gown isn't it?

Ashley is the muppet Dorothy Zbornak, and the court jester nun is Mary Kate. Though they are fraternal, they do look so much alike. You can tell them apart because Ashley is "prettier," with a sweeter face, while Mary Kate has the perpetual glaze of freebasing harshing her facial region. They have younger sisters as well (2, I think) and they also look just like these two. It's creepy as hell.

Fergie: Rather va-va-VOOM, in a good way. Can't stand her otherwise, but love the fact that she's rockin' the healthy curves. She does look like Roman goddess Diana - the dress is *this* close to a costume. Somewhere, a pair of winged sandals is feeling bereft.

Kate: Agreed. With whatever y'all said.

Piggy: A few too many glasses of the bubbly, eh? Kate is alternately biting her lip and trying her best to dissociate herself from her mom. Train wreck.

Dame Judi: Classy, beautiful, elegant. Have to admit I'm not a fan of this dress, but she is a poster child for aging gracefully.

Anorexic Raccoons: So many shades of wrong...eyes bleeding...gaaah. Someone please explain why they're still inflicting themselves on us, the innocent public!

Lourdes: Awkward deer in headlights. Normally, I'd give a teenager a pass on that, 'cause who wasn't an awkward teenager? But this is Madonna's kid. Lola, check your mom. See how she's working the cameras. Learn from her.

Madge: Check Dame Judi. See how she's aging gracefully. Learn from her (if it's not too late).

Marion: STUNNING. Beads and all. Love all 'round.

Naomi: What happens when an immovable Valentine's day candy box collides with an unstoppable boxy Volvo?

Nicole: Yawn. NEXT!

Penelope: GORGEOUS. I don't mind that it's obvious. It works for her, she knows it, and she looks like she's loving life. What more could you want?

Some hot messes here, but honestly, I think Goldie and Judi are fine for at least looking age appropriate....Madonna, not so much. And seriously? What is up with her face? If she is going for the "I'm an insecure fifty year old who thinks kabuki mask make-up. botox, and plastic surgery will make me look younger and attractive" then she wins the prize.

The Olsen twins? Both of them look like they have aged twenty years recently. What is with the lousy posture, ratty hair and raccoon eyes? And the look on the one on the left with the jacket is very "mother of the bride at Greek/Italian wedding." Hope that's the look she wanted.

Nicole looks decent here, and I think both Marion and Penelope look very classy. Unfortunately, Fergie does not.

That train on Kate's dress really does not make a lick of sense.

I don't care what you say about Penelope, I LOVE her! She's finally saying "F**k you, Hollywood!", and showing the bitches how to be an International movie star in all her fiery, Pantene hair, pouty lipped, big schnoz, Javier dating glory! I could watch her in Almodovar's films ALL DAY.

And Judi Dench can do no wrong with that face of hers.

Can't stand Fergie and REEEEAAAAAALLLLLY hate what her hair is doing to that outfit.

The white on Cotillard is a bit safe, but the silhouette is rocking my socks.

TLo said:

"Did you know that Penelope is FIERY and EARTHY and SENSUAL? Because she is SPANISH? No? Then you must not have read every article written about her in the last 5 years. This dress is for all of you, then. When she turns around, the back reads "SEXY SPANISH LADY" in glitter script."

*dies laughing*

Yes, okay, the fiery red dress reads, SEXY SPANISH LADY, but holy smoke, Penelope, you RULE. After all the previous looks, she glows like the one ruby in a sea of cubic zirconia. Agree with everything else above--TLO so right on here--except about Madonna. She looks fantastic, and still like Madonna...not a surgically altered avatar of Madonna. Rare for the age group.

i'm not dorothy gale

Nicole's implants look uneven. The Olson twins look batty. Put a beautiful young daughter next to a diva and look what happens (Goldie/Madonna=try too hard).

And boys, Dame Judith just preferred to look her age. What would you rather? Crepey cleavage? Personally I respect her more for not glamming it up.

I want to look like Dame Judi Dench when I'm her age. Great hair, natural aging. I don't mind the matronliness because I'd hate to see her go the other way :::cough:Goldie:Madonna:Nicole:cough:::."
Brrrr. Scary. And the Olsen twins not only look haggard, but they look like they just pile on every expensive *hot* designer item they can find, just because they CAN.
La Cruz = La Fab.
xo, Dr Sparkles

Hey Madonna! I heard that if you jut your head forward and tip your chin down you will look younger in photographs (just kidding I think she already heard that one).But if she's not careful she could slip a disk.

Makeup malfunction? Looks more like Nicole's special Colombian "makeup artist" tripped when he was bringing over the "finishing powder." Not really, but any powder around the nose is begging for a coke joke.

Minus75 on 12/16/09 at 7:17 PM said..."Judi - She looks bored more than boring. She probably has better things to do."

I think Judi looks like a true talented British stage actress. I wish Sophia had been there. I am sure she would have "rocked the house".


"a murmuration of starlets"

You guys are great.

Even though I think you were a little harsh on a few of the folks in this lot.

First, I give Madonna total and complete props for public good motherhood. She did NOT appear in a skirt shorter and skankier than her 13 yr. old daughter's. Maybe there's hope for Lourdes yet - after all, Madge fled her emotionally difficult, solid Catholic upbringing at the first opportunity, but she may have come out of it with some parenting skills - or a determination not to repeat the mistakes she suffered.

And Dame Judi was in a no-win situation that she carried off beautifully. She's decades older, inches shorter and dozens of pounds heavier than the rest of the lot she was posing with. She was NOT going to come off well were she to do anything in the glamour mode. She went for matronly grande dame and more power to her.

On another note, whoever put Naomi Watts into that dress should be fired. She looked awful.

Dame Judi for the win. Total class.

Someone should tell Madonna and Goldie not to stand next to their doppelganger daughters - it just adds decades

Dame Judi looks gorgeous. That scarf is beautiful with her coloring.

I always want to cast the Olsen twins as Dickensian urchins. They can be the two ghastly children the Ghost of Christmas Present reveals beneath his robe: Want and Ignorance.


Where's the man of the hour--Guido? I saw him on an interview show and kept wondering "who is that bland fellow"--he looked so ordinary--but wondered if he got all gussied up for the premiere.


12/16/09 10:19 PM

I will undoubtedly plunk down my money to see "Nine"because of my complete and utter adoration of Daniel Day Lewis....if I sat through "There Will be Blood" for this man, then "Nine" should be a piece of cake!

Cruz is so ridiculously beautiful. She doesn't really need to change.

oh...seems like so many misses.

Fergie...ok I guess. Someone above commented on the part in her hair...yes! It bugs me too!

Kate...really cute and fresh, love the dress but the train is odd...either fuller or knee length (?) her too, nuff said! ;)

Dame Dench...matronly yes (but that she is)...the scarf is beautiful though. I like this look for Her Stodginess.

Olsons...I'm so sick of the waif look...and those over-sized bags they both are carrying...what's in them? (certainly not a snack!) ;)

Madge...first thought was ok, that's just Madge...until I realized she's standing next to her daughter in a shear lace dress with her black panties exposed! The black thigh high stocking allow for some illusion of coverage but really! Lourdes, OTOH, adorable...'cept the boots! (kids!)

Marion and Nicole...hope the double stick tape holds up...geesh! cm's away from a Janet Jackson moment.

Penelope...gorgeous yet matronly. I've seen her look much better, younger and hotter. Love her love love!

^ forgot to mention Naomi....just wanted to say...Bwaahahahaha! :)

Kate would look great without the train, hate Fergie, don't care what she wears. Madonna, well, you gotta give her some credit, she did remember to put on full length gloves to cover up her scary, veiny, great-grandma arms.

Regarding Ashely's outfit, the GFY women just posted about the furry coat. They think Ashley looks like Mr. Snuffleupagus's attorney. HAWWWW!

Judi Dench looks beautiful. Pull your claws back in.

Penelope always looks beautiful and...she has Javier. My heart hurts over that.

Nicole always looks uncomfortable in her own skin. Every time I see her it reminds me of those days when I hate what I'm wearing, my spanx are killing me and I can't wait to go home, rip my clothes off and put on sweats. I don't get it - she's beautiful but something is always off with her.

Judi. Love her - she can do no wrong.

Lourdes is cute as a button. I hope she becomes a well-adjusted adult.

Fergie can wear all the designer duds she wants - I will always see her as the woman who peed in her pants before performing on stage.

I like the Olsen twins but what is that weird thing they always do with their lips? They always look like little girls playing dress up to me.

PS- you are right about the beads. She works hard for the money....

The Dame can do no wrong.
Right for her age and for the season and, I have a feeling, her own personal comfort.

Wow. Naomi Carrington Colby Dexter!

WHERE IS DANIEL V.'S DRESS? I haven't seen it in any premiere pics yet. At first glance, I thought maybe Kate Hudson was wearing a modified version, but no, it's actually worse.

>>Don't you just assume, without really knowing anything worthy about her, that she must be the biggest, brattiest little bitch in the world? That little vixen hits 18 and she's gonna make Paris and Lindsay look like Joan of Arc>>

Um, guys, she's 13. I know you were being tongue-and-cheek, but 13 is a hard age, and she's actually a sweet kid. She might not care when people make these kinds of remarks, because she grew-up as Madonna's kid. But, I admit, it makes me (as a mother of a hormonal and overly sensitive 13 year old girl) a little uncomfortable.


Madonna is veering scarily close to Michael Jackson territory with the surgery!!

I think Nicole should stop abusing botox and lend a little bit to her best friend Naomi Watts who is desperetely seeking for a plastic surgery.

I like both Kate Hudson's dress and Marion's as Fergie's as well.

Did Madonna give up on Kabahla?? She is wearing a cross!!! Oh Dear..

And now, as the saying goes, save the best for last, the Olsen twins... are they trying to get a role on the next Twilight movie??? They look like a trash version of Dakota Fanning in New Moon.

Agreed with anonymous at 6:49.

The one on the right looks like she's wearing the monkey fur jacket I was sporting when I was thrown out of Andy Warhol's Interview Oscar party at Studio 54 in 1978.


BOR-RING. My favorite of the bunch was Marion Cotilliard and The Fiery Spanish Lady. I'll be half-full and say "classic" over "boring" for those two. The others...not so much. Whatevs.

Kate Hudson's dress looks like it came from the Golden Girl's costume department.

Nicole's "makeup malfunction" is no accident. I would bet she pissed of the makeup artist. Costume designers and makeup artists wield a silent, visible power.

olson twins looks like crack addict zombies! complete with sunken eyes, not pretty!

Never Too Late

Lourdes takes the prize, she is very pretty. The others look sad to me, trying so hard and not making the grade. Those poor little Olsens, they make me the saddest, dead racoon eyes, indeed.

WOW.. This are just awesome, her dresses are amazing. By the way my husband who likes to visit Viagra Online is in loved with Naomi Watts 'cause of her beauty.
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