The Tom & Lorenzo Archives: 2006 -2011
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Virgins v. Vixens

They're back!

Darlings, please don't hate us. What with all the Project Runway blogging and the Mad Men blogging and the Glee blogging and the spring collections, we just couldn't find the time to sit down and spend the required couple of hours counting votes and looking for pictures for the next round. Forgive us?

For those of you just joining us, this is a competition pitting mega-famous actresses from the fifties and the sixties who embodied the two major archetypes of sex symbols for the period: the Virgin and the Vixen. Each "week" (yeah, right) we pit a famous virgin and/or a famous vixen up against another and the readers vote on which one wins. You can use whatever criteria you like to make your decision. We tend to frame it as if they're in an imaginary cage match, but most of the time the readers simply vote for their favorite. It was a tough competition and a lot of legendary ladies hit the mat and never got up again. We're in the finals now, but here's how the competition went down:

Janet Leigh vs. Kim Novak

Kim Novak vs. Leslie Caron

Leslie Caron vs. Gina Lollobrigida

Gina Lollobrigida vs. Jean Simmons

Gina Lollobrigida vs. Shirley MacLaine

Shirley MacLaine vs. Joan Collins

Shirley Maclaine vs. Brigitte Bardot

Jane Fonda vs. Julie Christie

Jane Fonda vs. Natalie Wood

Natalie Wood vs. Angie Dickinson

Natalie Wood vs. Debbie Reynolds

Debbie Reynolds vs. Julie Andrews

It was at this point, that we started with the big guns. Not that any of the previous ladies weren't big guns in their own right, but it was time to break out the virgins and/or vixens that have passed into legend and only need to be referred to by their first names.

Julie Andrews vs. Audrey Hepburn

Audrey Hepburn vs. Sophia Loren

Do you see how fickle you bitches are? Audrey Hepburn! Not making it to the finals! You guys are nuts. Granted, going up against Sophia was a pretty tall order, but that's why they're called the big guns.

Sophia Loren vs. Jayne Mansfield

Before we broke out the REALLY big guns, it was time to bring back the one competitor who managed to beat three bitches in a row. Hence:

Sophia Loren vs. Shirley MacLaine.

Yow. Now that's a toughie. Two legendary ladies with very different styles (and a penchant for playing hookers). Which one was still standing after the votes were counted? Well, we'll tell ya, it was a very close race, but in the end, only one hooker can make it out of the ring alive.

We are sad to inform you that...

SHIRLEY MACLAINE IS DEAD.

And it's all your fault! But don't worry. She has a tendency to not stay dead long.

Anyway, here it is; the finals of the Virgins vs. Vixens showdowns. Sophia hoists up her tits and re-enters the ring to take on the woman who embodied virginity more than any other actress of the period (and if you believe the stories, pulled the wool over the eyes of the public while doing it). These two ladies couldn't be more different and yet in their day, they were two of the biggest box office draws around.

MISS SOPHIA LOREN

takes on...


MISS DORIS DAY, BITCHES!

The quintessential vixen up against the quintessential virgin. Cast your votes now. One of these ladies is going DOWN! And not in the good way!


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552 comments:
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Doris Day all the way!


sophia for the win!


ok, i read it.
audrey hepbrun just wins.


Sophia of course!!!


Sophia!


Without question——

Sophia——


Sophia. Doy.


Count me down for Doris.


"SHIRLEY MACLAINE IS DEAD...But don't worry. She has a tendency to not stay dead long."

TLO FOR THE WIN!!!!


I must vote for Doris. If she was a virgin it was only because she could wither a man's penis with a properly-timed glare.


sophia...not even close


Back to the matter at hand. This is more difficult than it looks. At first glance, one thinks, "Sophia, of course. Sex vs., what, prudery? Sophia, easily."

BUT

Doris. That voice. Don't care if it's old fashioned, out of date, your grandpa's (or even great grandpa's) style of music. Doesn't matter. That was a voice.

Must retire to my chambers to mull.

Some wine.

In the dregs of which the answer, I hope, may be revealed to me


Hmmm...with Sophia wearing the pearls, gloves and hat with that black lingerie, it makes me think that she's a little bit country AND a little bit rock&roll, (ie; both virgin & vixen).

So with Sophia we get 2 for 1: A bargain for these economic times.

--GothamTomato


Gotta go with Doris.


Sophia casts her heavily kholed eyes at Doris, who melts into a blue puddle of slushy on the Hollywood Boulevard. Sophia then tosses her head, sets her shoulders and, hips swinging, sashays away into the vixen sunset with the trophy in her Bottega Veneta bag.


Sophia...


Sophia FTW.


GT said, "So with Sophia we get 2 for 1: A bargain for these economic times."

And yet, with Doris we get a hip-thrustin', come hither, boom chick a boom pose, and in a dress whose hemline alone could take the prize.

So I'd say we're 2 for 2 in the for 2 for 1 category.


Oh! Virgins v. Vixens, how it has been missed.
I vote Sophia, but I'm still sulking over Audrey.


Sophia! Even though she can't sing or dance, and Doris can, I can't remember Sophia in anything as awful as the Doris Day Show, or whatever that 60s sitcom was called.


I adore Sophia, but I gotta vote for the one who inspired the comment, "I knew her before she was a virgin."

DORIS.


Doris Day.

She's not my favorite from the list, but she's way better than Sophia *gag* Loren.


Doris! Such a good friend & professional beard to her best pal Rock Hudson must be rewarded!


Sophia!

That rack alone, if wielded properly, could crush any competition.

Seriously, Sophia's elegant, animalistic sexiness makes her an unstoppable force of nature.


Doris? Are you all nutz?

How could that freckle-faced hayseed stand a chance against the glorious, exotic Sophia?


Sophia!


Oh honeys - Sophia Loren all the day. Not even close!


Sophia FTW!


desperatehousewife

Sophia was so, well, obvious. Doris was so adorably sexy. Watch "That Touch of Mink" with Cary Grant--and she is a huge animal lover, so she gets my vote.


Another team Doris!


Sophia!


Sophia FTW!

And kudos for an excellent choice of photos for us to contemplate our vote.


Ahhh! They're back! Well, no time to mince words, I vote for Sophia Loren because that bitch would claw Doris Day's eyes out without ruining her manicure.


Sophia!


Oh, this is a tough one for us animal lovers. Doris Day took her celebrity and used it to advocate for spay/neuter, etc. Doris Day Animal League: www.ddal.org.

But Sophia is, quite simply, a goddess.


This isn't even a contest:

Sophia FTW!


Those lips, those eyes--absolutely Sophia.


Sophia. No contest.


SOPHIA. Even if she hadn't beaten my beloved Audrey, I would have voted for her - but if Audrey's gone, the one who beat her HAS to go on.


I'm voting Doris Day. That way Grace Kelly can come next and Dial S for Supremacy.


Sophia!


Ragazzi! bella Sophia


Simply has to be Doris.


Oh gawd. Sophia. Of course.


Sophia. In a Reaganesque landslide.
Quite frankly, I'm surprised any of the men reading this site are still gay after seeing that photo of Sophia. Marrone.


Because my mom loved her:
DORIS!

Que sera, sera, Sophia lovers.


Doris!


Sophia.


Sophia!


SOPHIA


Doris


I flove Virgins v. Vixens!

Really tough call but I'm voting for Doris.


Gotta be Doris.


I'm with Gorgeous Things...just one look from Sophia would defeat any other woman.

SOPHIA!


It's got to be Sophia. The woman still has it. The rest of us can only dream about looking so great when we're [*mumblemumble*] years old!


I had to poll the parents and siblings for this one...the choice is Sophia


Sophia


At the last minute, Sophia pulls a dagger out of her garters. Game over.


Sophia!

Doris makes me gag. Now if you still had Julie in the running, I might have to reconsider ...

By the way, recently saw Julie and Paul Newman in Hitchcock's "Torn Curtain" for the first time. In which Julie was no virgin. And it was not a great movie. But glad I saw it.

Enough digression. Sophia FTW!


Doris Day, without a doubt! I love her...LOVE.


Sophia!


Sophia. The virgins don't have a prayer. I still think it should be vixens vs. vixens to the end, and virgins vs. virgins to the end, and the 2 winners should face off against each other. My Audrey would still be in it.


Doris Day - any wooman who always made sure the lining of her coat matched her dress deserves the win.


Gotta go with Doris. If for no other reason than her wardrobes in "Pillow Talk" and "Midnight Lace". SHE WAS GORGEOUS!!!


Sophia takes the prize! Just look at that picture - smashing.


Sophia for the win!!


Sophia remains the epitome of sensual perfection, even now....Sophia for the win!


Gotta go with my gal Doris


Wow. This one is so hard... I'm going to have to say...

Sophia.


Doris Day!

Although I agree with the sentiment that Audrey beats all!


Looks like it's already decided, but I gotta go with Doris FTW anyway.


Doris.


Doris! She generated WAY more heat onscreen with Cary Grant than Sophia ever could!


Oh, you dirty, dirty bitches! What a choice. Quintessential Vixen vx. Quintessential Virgin. This is a tough one to evaluate, because Doris was not just actress, but singer, dancer, beard, activist and comedienne. Then again, you have Sophia, not just actress but physical marvel and force of nature. I mean seriously! Whatta woman!

I have to hand it to Sophia for staying in there swinging for as long as she has (teaming up with Lemmon/Matthau in Grumpier Old Men was gutsy). But then again, La Loren never made a movie with the great Thelma Ritter, as did Doris (Pillow Talk and Move Over, Darling). I don't know why that matters - it just does, dammit. But Doris never won an Oscar. So how to evaluate? On sheer talent, likeability, or on awe-inspiring power?

Jesus. Who can argue with awe-inspiring power? Sophia for the win. My apologies to Dame Doris.


How do you solve a problem like Sophia? Oh, yeah, you don't b/c she rocks!


Sophia FTW!


Sophia!


Sophia. At least she won the Oscar.


Doris Day!


Miss Day all the way! Loooove her movies.

If I could vote for Audrey, I would. :(


Awww, I love a good girl but not this time.

The force of nature that is Ms. Sophia Loren has my vote.

Thanks for bringing back a fun feature to leaven the PR fuggery.


Sempre Sofia! =D


Doris Day!!!


Que Sera, Sera - Doris Day


this...

GT said, "So with Sophia we get 2 for 1: A bargain for these economic times."

And yet, with Doris we get a hip-thrustin', come hither, boom chick a boom pose, and in a dress whose hemline alone could take the prize.

So I'd say we're 2 for 2 in the for 2 for 1 category.

Made me choke my coke..

However much I love Ms. Doris and her work with animals, and her gorgeous voice, and her talents.

I have to go with Sophia for sheer animal magnetism and unadulterated smoldering sexiness.


Sophia x 10000


My sweet, crazy Shirley is OUT?????????


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!


Fuck it, SOPHIA!

(And I LOVE Doris!)


Sophia by far!


Doris !!! Yah yah Roly Poly!


Sophia! No contest!


Sophia, hands down.


Love Doris Day, but Sophia definitely wins!!!


I'm going to have to go with Ms. Sophia Loren. Those hips, those breasts, those thighs!

::sigh::


Sophia Sophia for ever and ever!


This is so tough, but I'll go with Sophia.


I love Sophia, but gotta go with Doris for her yeoman's work as Rock's beard. DORIS FTW.


I'm still ticked about Audrey also, but between these two ... Sophia!


Sophia! Sophia! Sophia!

Kate


DORIS and That Touch of Mink!


Doris Day!


I vote for Sophia.

Where's Grace Kelly?


sooooo-feeeeeeee-yaaaaaaaah!!!!


SOPHIA!


Sophia!


For me, this is the toughest choice of all. Because of what SL and DD have done with their lives respectively.

Sophia Loren was/is an incredible screen presence - and beauty.

But Doris had to overcome a lot of obstacles (like suffering serious injury that scuttled her first career as a dancer, transforming herself into a singer, being robbed blind by a husband and left deeply in debt at his death) to become who she is and has ended up doing a lot of good by turning her hard earned celebrity into support for animals.

And her voice, her interpretations of songs (old fashioned as they are) are often subtle and lovely.

So - I vote Doris.

But, I'll be extremely surprised if Doris triumphs over the delicious Sophia. The fantasy of Sophia Loren is strong magic.

Tom & Lorenzo - you guys are brilliant - if somewhat diabolical.


Although I am surprisingly outnumbered, I'm still with Doris


Sophia all the way - can't STAND miss mug and at the camera, aren't I a dickens, Day!


Sophia, without a doubt. Blows virginity out of the water (if you will).


Doris? Please.
Sophia all the way!!


Sophia Loren. Us brunettes gotta stick together!


Doris (Que Sera Sera) Day for the win!


Doris!!!!


AUDREY! AUDREY HEPBURN DAMMIT!


It's for people like Doris Day that prizes like "Miss Congeniality" were invented.

In other words, Miss Day's delightfulness should be acknowledged and rewarded, but Signorina Loren should win the contest.


Gotta go with Doris. I asked my husband, he said "Oh, Doris any day!" Of course, for the quintessential question, "Mary Anne or Ginger?", his answer is unhestitatingly "Mary Anne!" But then, I'm kind of a Doris/Mary Anne type myself :)


Sophia... no contest!


Huh, these photos remind me, I know a drag queen who bears an uncanny resemblance to Sophia.

However, Doris!


Tim Gunn!

My second choice is Doris.


Doris! Doris! Doris! I have a signed photo...she's my all time FAVE! Her clothes in "Pillow Talk" were to DIE for! I love Sophia, but it's Doris for me!


refashionology

Doris for sure!!!


Sophia. Now and forever.


Sophia!


Sophia!!


Sophia by a mile!


SOPHIA!!

And Gotham Tomato, only you could see that picture of Sophia and think of Donny and Marie Osmond. Brilliant!


Doris is dandy, but SOPHIA FTW!!!


Ooh, it's a tough one but I've gotta go with Doris!


SO! PHI! AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!


"Love Me or Leave Me"


Doris Day all the way!!!!

SisterZip


Sophia: yesterday, today, forever!


Doris Day had that smoky quality to her voice and a flint of danger in her eyes in the making-love scenes. I vote for her.


Logan!

oops, wrong post. heh heh

But don't worry. She has a tendency to not stay dead long.

LOL Again, TLo comes up with a smashing line.

This IS a toughie, but since my daughter's beloved Audrey was beaten by the Goddess Sophia, I gotta go with her.


mummy needs champagne

Sophia, darlings!

Though my favorite part of these V vs. V competitions are everyone's comments!


Oh this is hardly a competition. Ms. Doris all the way.


Sophia. Hands down.


oh my god, miss doris....as if it could be anything else...!


Yeah!!! Thank you so much for bringing this back! Will we ever see Musical Mondays again? You could rename it Musical Monthly and just do twelve a year. Once a week is a lot.
But I digress!

Sophia, darlings. Sophia for the win.


Its gotta be Sophia

(even though Doris did get more than Sophia ever dreamed about..but we're talking image darling, not reality).


sophia!


Sophia Loren, goodness me. She is beyond.


If no Audrey, then Sophia!!


La dea eterna del sesso... Sophia!


Sophia!!


OH MY GOD. that is a tough one, bitches. I have to vote for Sophia. Doris is WAY too wholesome for me.


Doris for the win - she was the icon for MY growing up years! The good girl wins in the end, doncha know?


This has been the easiest round for me to decide since the beginning of this contest.

Sophia, no doubt.
Didn't even have to mull over it.


Uuuggh ! Doris, really ? She is so saccharine she makes my teeth hurt.

Sophia, without question !!


Doris, of course. She can sing, too! Have you ever heard her sing "It's Magic"?
The best!


I am a Dog Rescuer, pulling dogs/pups from high kill shelters in the south, where they don't believe in Spay/Neuter.

So my vote goes to fellow Animal Lover:

Doris Day!!!!!!!!!


It has to be Doris!

have you seen her freak out in Midnight Lace, with Rex Harrison?
Hold her own with James Cagney (FFS!) in Love Me or Leave Me?
the list goes on and on..... I am a complete Doris fanatic!


OOoo, yes, Musical Mondays should come back, too! I loved them! :-)


Que sera, sera...

Doris all the way!


Doris may have that sexy voice and fluffy bunny personality but I vote Sophia all the way. She drips passion and sex and at the end of it all she's probably going to cook one hell of a meal.


Doris Day was a Big Band Singer who dumped an abusive husband and lived for years as a single mother, forging a career under the faux persona of a virginal angel while FruitFlying herself silly with her loyal team of gays. She is still gorgeous and devotes herself to animal welfare.

Doris FTW.


"Yah yah Roly Poly!" made me laugh.


Ack, you people have not seen enough Doris Day movies! Bitch could BITCH. Damn.

Doris Day!


Sophia for the win - blindfolded with her hands tied behind her back.


Sophia! Sophia! Sophia!


Sophia no contest.


Ciao Dorissima, la Sophia kicks your "virgin" butt. Bellisima! BookieBookie


Doris Day! No contest. Sure, Sophia was pretty, but Doris Day had that golden voice. And she's done much more with her life post-stardom than Sophia with the Doris Day Animal League.


"Yeah!!! Thank you so much for bringing this back! Will we ever see Musical Mondays again? You could rename it Musical Monthly and just do twelve a year. Once a week is a lot."

I concur. I miss the old days a little.

As for the vote I must retire with Brooklyn Bomber and a bottle of wine....and perhaps a movie marathon for some clarity.


Bella Sophia!


Doris Day is AMAZING.


nobody beats sophia...


Please don't eat the daisies Doris Day!


Initially, I was all "Sophia FTW!" but after reading the comments, I realize how much I adore Doris Day. I mean, "Singing in the Rain" is my "desert island, have to pick one" movie -- and "Pillow Talk" is a close second. She ain't all that virginal, folks!

Damn, this is hard.

Gotta go with Doris -- but will be happy no matter who wins!


This comment has been removed by the author.

I love Sophia, but how can one vote against Doris Day? Doris FTW!


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