"Hello, fabric, what would you like me to make you into today?"
"Gee, I don't know, Ari. How about something that doesn't make me embarrassed to be fabric?"
Maybe we've just been watching these things for too long but as open-minded as we try to be, she just got on our last gay nerve. Nobody respects those who joyfully fly their freak flag more than us, but there's travelin' to the beat of a different drum and then there's going out of your way to make sure everyone knows you're different.
"Yay, she's got big feet like me!"
"Yeah! Maybe she'll show up dressed like a superhero clown too!"
"My garment, I feel, does not fulfill the stereotype of the typical red carpet gown."
No, honey. That's not quite accurate. Your garment was not a red carpet gown at all. Like we said, go your own way (Jesus, what's with all the classic rock lyrics in this post?) but there was a challenge to be had last night and you didn't just put your twist on it; you ignored it to produce something that had nothing to do with it. She was about as on point with her look as if she had faithfully reproduced a Major League Baseball uniform and called it a gown.
Look, we're all for the conceptual stuff, especially in a competition like this. It adds some interest and some tension to the show. Our main problem with her look last night was that SHE HAD NO CONCEPT. Unless you count "I'm going to ignore what I was asked to do" as a concept.
Part of what makes Project Runway interesting is that with each challenge, very strict guidelines and restrictions are imposed on the designer and the fun comes in watching how they remain creative and true to themselves within those boundaries. We have no problem with her idea of quilted hexagons to form a dress, nor did we have a problem with a hoodie. Those elements, while outside the norm, could still have worked on, say, something gown-length and fitted.
But she produced something that, at first glance, was obviously not meant to be worn on a red carpet. Not even Juliette Lewis at a benefit to raise funds for Courtney Love's facial reconstruction would show up wearing this thing. Bjork would just roll her eyes and say "Please. I have an image to uphold."
Taken on its own, it's ... well, okay, we guess. It's still pretty ugly. But if you ignore that she tried to pass this off as a red carpet look and take it on its own merits, it's interesting at least.
But that's it. That's as far as our compliments go. Interesting, yes. Also, ugly. The pleating on the bottom was sloppy and took the textural interest too far. Those bloomers...y'know, we're shocking ourselves with what just popped into our heads. Those bloomers are actually a little cute. The problem is that they don't go with the silver piece at all. There's just too much going on here. Again, it feels like she's screaming about how she's such a unique little snowflake at the top of her lungs instead of quietly producing something that challenges people's expectations.
Don't even get us started on the weirdness that's going on around her neck. We don't even know what the hell that is.
And finally, the worst sin of all, it was TERRIBLY executed. If you want to go out on a limb, go there, but make damn sure you produce something impeccable when you do.
But kudos to the judges, because we were convinced they were going to see "point of view" and keep her in the competition. Even Lindsay was having none of it:
"But the person that's wearing it has to love it more because you can make it all you want but you gotta make sure someone is going to buy it."
Say what you will about LiLo, but she was dead on there. Of course, the real joy came in watching the master:
"Ari, is it? Ari, let me read off my score card for you:
'Ha. Hahaha. Haha.
"You see where I'm coming from, don't you, Ari?"
"I want her to also go and receive her Nobel Peace Prize on the same night."
"A Nobel Prize, you say? For what? Did she bring about peace in the middle east by getting them all to drop their guns and fall over laughing?"
"I'm an adorable little pixie of unconventionality!"
"Sweetie, I could crush all your dreams with one hand tied behind my back. I could tear you down so far that you'll spend the rest of your life questioning yourself every time you pick up a needle or pair of scissors. I could induce such a level of self-doubt and post-traumatic stress disorder in you that you will cry every time you pass a fabric store. I am the Goddamn Fashion Director of Marie Claire and I have been there and done that. Don't try and pull a fast one on Aunt Nina.
Now go. Before I change my mind about treating you gently."
"You better run. I can't guarantee she's gonna stay in that chair for much longer."
[Photo: Mike Yarish/myLifetime.com - Video: myLifetime.com - Screencaps: Projectrungay.blogspot.com]
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