The Tom & Lorenzo Archives: 2006 -2011
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Virgins v. Vixens

We're back, and we've got a toughie for you!

But first, we would just like to say that we hate you all for making us type the following words...


JULIE ANDREWS IS DEAD.

How COULD you, ladies? HOW COULD YOU?

Okay, fine. Audrey Hepburn is kind of a tough act to go up against, we'll grant you. And enough of you voted for Julie that we almost entertained thoughts that she might survive, but alas, no. Julie shuffled off to that great big nunnery in the sky and Audrey spits into her palms and adjusts her tiara to take on the next competitor.

And for the first time in a long time, it's an actual Virgin vs. a Vixen, as ...


MISS AUDREY HEPBURN

goes up against the former Sofia Villani Scicolone,


MISS SOPHIA LOREN.

And don't give us that "Oh, Audrey went through the war!" sob story. Zip it. They BOTH did.


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423 comments:
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I know I said I'd always vote for Audrey...

And I will!!!

Even though if anyone could make me change my mind, it would be Sophia Loren.


Sophia, hands down. No contest here, ladies. None.


Mrs. Carlo Ponti for me.


Sophia.

Paesanos have to stick together.


Tough one! I adore Audrey, but I think I'm going to go with Sophia.


Audrey!


Still Audrey for me. Although I adore Sophia.


Audrey all the way! Well, not ALL the way, seeing as she's a virgin, but... you know what I mean.


oh, god, it's so hard.....

Audrey ftw, but I apologize profusely to Ms. Loren


My vote is still for Audrey. I don't thing here is anyone you could put against her that would change my vote. Yay Audrey!


UGGG

not fair!

umm..I'll stick with the virgin. Audrey FTW!

even though Sophia is like buttah!


Oh hell, Sophia is a force of nature!

Sophia!


Sophia!


AUDREY! Audrey beats EVERYONE.


Audrey!


love-love-love Sophia!


-dark_blue_mania


Sophia Loren trumps Audrey Hepburn. Love the photos of Sophia in that Italian calendar a few years back.


I'm sorry Audrey, but I must go with Sophia. I have always loved her.


If it were strictly a personal choice, I'd go for Audrey (looooove her :).

But there's no way La Loren's fierceness could lose to a virgin, so my vote is SOPHIA all the way. *grins*


honesty.not.pc

Yikes Boys...you really aren't f'ing around anymore are you?

Ok. I say Sophia. That woman was ALL woman. Luscious and curvey and that accent! She turned men into puddles of drool (some chicks too). Audrey was cute and sweet and quirky but smoldering sex appeal will win that battle in my eyes.


Ms. Goodwill Ambassadress Hepburn!


Yowie. This is tough, as both are superb exemplars of their categories.

I really have to cogitate about this one and run memories of movies in my mind for a while.

Vote deferred for the moment.

All the best,

NDC


Sophia beats all!


Audrey for sure.


Love them both, both were great co-stars with Gregory Peck...
but Sophia is still with us and I think she should survive this contest too.

Sophia!!


Wow. This is one of the most difficult decisions I've ever had to make. I can't do it, I can't! I won't!

Oh, but, you know, I love Audrey beyond all measure. As much as Sophia deserves votes, I can't go against all that's right, and true, and perfect.

Audrey.


Angie Dickinson!

Ok, then, Sofia 'Stuzzicadenti'!! Did a nude scene (waaaay back when), survived the war and starred in an autobiographical film of the experience, paid off her father to get his signature on her sister's birth record so that her sister wouldn't be illegitimate in the eyes of the law, and would have been Marcello Mastroianni's choice to play the lead in "Gabriela" had the timing been right. She stayed married to Carlo Ponti. Smokin' hot but really just a wife and mother first and foremost.
Audrey Hepburn ended up with Robert Wolders, for pity's sake.


Ms. Loren FTW - I just don't see how Audrey would last even 2 minutes in the ring.

Bring back Angie Dickinson!!!


Ms. Loren absolutely exudes sexuality from every pore on her body. There is NO ONE, hasn't been in the past and won't be in the future, sexier than Sophia Loren.

Sophia for the WIN!


No Question. Sofia all the way, FTW.


DEFINITELY Audrey.


AUDREYAUDREYAUDREYAUDREYAUDREYAUDREYAUDREYAUDREY


I'm heartbroken on this one...
but I'll have to go for Audrey


Sophia Lauren... for that hourglass shape.


Audrey!

Though I love Sophia too.

But Audrey wins.


Audrey!!! my love for her runs deep! haha


Sophia. Vixens have more fun.


Audrey. Did you see her chase Mr. Cary Grant in Charade?


Sophia all the way - Audrey is cute, but i've never understood the obsession.


I love Sophia but she's no Audrey...AUDREY AUDREY all the way!


Sophia. Is there really a question?


Must stay with Ms. Hepburn. Her recent appearance in the ring made me go back and watch Sabrina again. Forget the creepy remake.


still can't believe Julie is dead - so out of sheer spite - SOPHIA!


audrey all the way!


Audrey!


What a tough call. But Audrey ALWAYS makes me smile. Next to her, even Sophia's light dims a little.


another laura

This has seriously distracted me for the past hour.

In this battle I'm going to go with the glamorpuss. I believe that I would be frightened to see her without the full camera makeup and wig, but I love her for putting it out there for so long.

Sophia Loren. I say this with some regret, though.


Spohia all the way, I named my child sophia for god's sake


Audrey, without question.


Two of my all time favorites. Sigh..WHY did you do this to us?
But, I have to go with
AUDREY!!!!


Oh boy. This is the first time I've really been torn on one of these.

Gotta go with Sophia, though. I just gotta. (Although Audrey in Givenchy almost stole it for me.) She's the vixen, after all.


This comment has been removed by the author.

Audrey!


Sophia!!


Audrey. No one can top her.


As someone who is madly in love with Audrey; I'm going to have to go with Sophia... if only because she dumped a whole pot of spaghetti sauce on Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau. Buon Appetito...


I can't believe you folks countered my vote & killed off Julie. Damn. Must now go with smoldering sex appeal - Sophia.


Shit, that is some just punishment for us killing of Julie. I have to think - be back!


MISS AUDREY HEPBURN for the win.


la aterciopelada

Sophia. Puh-leaze.

She supposedly eats a small portion of fettuccine alfredo every day and has done so for decades. I find that decadence-in-moderation method of eating inspirational.


Audrey. Hands down.


Sophia, for great justice.


I love Audrey, I have to vote for her. Sorry Sophia!


Three generations of males in my family are all enamoured of Ms. Loren.

How do you argue with that?

Sorry, Audrey, but it's got to be Sophia.


Sophia!


Miss Hepburn has got to take this one too!


Sophia, hands down.


Sophia - with out a doubt.


Sophia Loren, of course!


Sophia, no argument.


Tough one, but gotta go for Sophia.


Audrey Audrey Audrey. fo sho'.


She's a goddess.

She's an icon.

She's a star.

Sophia.


Sophia. No doubt about it!


Oh goodness, definitely Miss Sophia!


Sophia all day, every day because she's firey and fabulous even now!


I voted for her last time, and I'll vote for her again....


AUDREY


Oh, you kittens are BAD. This pains me. Sophia FTW.


Sophia FTW!


Shit, I don't care anymore. My Julie is gone. Whatever.

But.

If you insist. Sophia, darling.


Sophia! It was close, but the personal meaning won out - my grandma looked just like her. Wish I'd gotten more of those genetics.


C'mon. SOPHIA FTW!


Gotta go w/ Sophia. Audrey's cute and harmless in a yawn-inspiring kind of way.


I always vote for the vixen...so much more interesting.

SOPHIA!!!


audrey audrey audrey


Sophia.


Ugh, Sophia has not aged well. Audrey looked a class act to the end.

AUDREY.


Audrey.

She cannot be beaten.


Sophia. Any woman who says she owes her fabulous body to spaghetti is the winner in my book.


I adore Sophia, but, I'm going to have to stick with Audrey on this one.


They are both soo fabulous. Both have won Academy awards and both were UN Goodwill Ambassadors! But I am going with Audrey.


I'm pissed at Audrey. She killed Julie. This makes me feel like voting Sophia just to be vindictive, but when it comes to these 2, I really do love Audrey more.

So, Audrey, even though we're not speaking.


you guys are playing rough!.......Sophia


Sophia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Oh no doubt Sophia.


Sophia.

BrianB


Sophia.

Yesterday, today, and tomorrow.


MISS AUDREY HEPBURN

Suck that, you Hepburn haters!


I love them both but mia nonna is from Italy and Sophia is the sh** so I have to vote Sophia.

Sorry Audry, thanks for giving me my favorite all time movie.


sophia!!!

all you bitches are crazy!


I voted for Audrey before, and have enormous respect for her, but now... Real women beat the waif look any damn day. Sophia once said about her curves: "everything you see here, I owe to pasta."

Seriously. Need one say more?

Sophia FTW.


Oh, crap! Uh....

*sigh* I'll go with Audrey.


"Two Women" is all that comes to mind.

Sophia. Without a doubt.


uhhh, since you bitches killed julie- GO SOPHIA!!!!


fashionablylate

Audrey's DONE. Sophia Loren is just too, too fabulous.


Sophia.


Audrey Audrey Audrey.


AUDREY.
obvs.


Audrey


Sophia!!!


Audrey. Always classy, and very sexy while not being *obvious* about it.


Audrey!


yeouch. Brutal. But yes, it must be Sophia in the end. Gamine has no power against va-va-voom.


Aaaarrrrrggggggg!!!!!
Damn you both. How can you make us choose???
....Audrey.....
Sigh.


you guys are evil for this one.
e troppo difficile. There are almost the alter egos of the other. One is sexy and the other demure. I'll go with Audrey. No Sofia. For real this time I'm going with Audrey because I use to buy old Life Magazines with her on the cover.


I've gotta go with Audrey


When I was a junior in college, living right above Little Italy, the glamourous Ms. Loren loomed over my building in the form of a huge billboard for an Italian cruise. She was positively DRIPPING with satin and jewels, looked like a million bucks, and was having a great time doing it. I like to think she was the guardian angel to my good time that year.

SOPHIA!


For me, tough decisions like these require a swift image search, a visual summary of virgin-ism or vixen-ism. This battle was settled when I happened upon a pic S.Loren and Jayne Mansfield seated at a table, Sophia is shooting a look at Jayne as if to say, "Bitch Please!"
That sold it, gotta go with Sophia!


Oh kittens, Sophia for the kill.

Audrey would win the virgin battle, but Sophia has the heavy artillery for the vixen win.

Just sayin-


SOPHIA!


Roman Holiday
Sabrina
Funny Face
Breakfast at Tiffany's
My Fair Lady

Audrey!


you guys are so mean! And don't look at me like Julie's blood isn't on your hands.

hmf.

Anyhoo, I vote for Sophia.


Sophia. I adore Audrey, but Sophia is a goddess.


How COULD you make us choose?

I harbor a special soft spot for Sophia Loren, as she and I share a birthday. All the same, I'm going to have to go with

AUDREY.


SOPHIA.

The Queen of Overrated, Audrey Hepburn, is going down, down, down! I hope.


Sophia has always been my girl crush and as a fellow Pisana-It's Sophia for the win!


Sophia!!! Audrey is way overhyped. Julie was robbed!


Audrey, but dayum, what a choice!


Sophia.
I idolize that woman.


Audrey!! She had a pet deer! :D


audrey forever!


Sophia


Can we declare a tie?
I guess it would be pretty boring if we did...
so I'll have to go with Sophia


The waif may pull out another win but you know that in a real cage match she'd last about 10 seconds in the ring with the fabulous Ms. Loren. And besides, goddesses beat gamines every time so it's Sophia FTW!


SOPHIA FTW!!


This is shockingly easy for me. SOPHIA. No one is more fabulous.


Sophia! She is too fabulous; and I'm still bitter that HBIC Julie Andrews is gone.


Audrey Audrey Audrey!!!


audrey.


Audrey. No contest.


I adore Audrey, but I simply can't say no to Sophia.


Sophia, hands down.


Even though Audrey was a much more popular actress, Sophia had the sexuality. So I have to vote for SOPHIA!


Come on. SOPHIA.

(And seriously, people...why would you pick Audrey over freakin' JULIE ANDREWS?!?!)


you playing with me? this is the first time i've ever voted in v vs. v, because if sophia's tits and ass lost, it would be a tragedy to humanity.


S O P H I A
SOPHIASOPHIASOPHIA
S O P H I A ! ! !


potty mouth princess

Audrey!


Sophia. No contest.


Oh man.
Audrey.
I guess.


Sophia


When feminine pulchritude was a gleam in that great G*d in the sky's eye, he was imagining Sophia Loren (circa the Carey Grant co-star years). What a woman. And, still is. What gal doesn't want to look SOMETHING like Sophia Loren? Yum. The rich man's Cher.

Note to Audrey in the sky: She DOES NOT come in as a Lesser Being, simply not MUCHO GRANDE enough to throw down this Italian eye full. Sophia is an embarrasment of riches!


Sophia is just so fabulous I have to vote for her.


Sophia.

Hands down.


Sophiiaaaaa

I just met a girl named Sophia

and suddenly that name will never be the same to me

Sophiiiaaaaaaaaa!


Oh, please. Audrey all the way.


sophia!!


CanIGetYouAnything?

I love Audrey, but c'mon, it has to be Sophia Loren.


Audrey! Sophia is a bombshell, to be sure, but Miss Hepburn is phenomenal! I can't think of another actress with her depth, range, and poise.


Audrey! Audrey! Audrey FTW!


Audrey Hepburn.


Audrey, Audrey, Audrey. Can I vote 3 times?


Sophia. Absolutely.


Sophia, obviously. Felines rank higher on the food chain than birds.


Sophia. No doubt about it.


Got to go with Audrey!


Wow, what a difficult decision! I think I hate you guys!

Audrey


Wistfully angelic vs. force of nature? Force of nature, of course.

Sophia!

Boobs and smoldering eyes rule on this one.


How do you come up with new ways to torture us? I shouldn't have to choose, but if you force me to it has to be....

Sofia.

That really hurt!


I'm sticking with Audrey.


ACBatz said...
Audrey! Sophia is a bombshell, to be sure, but Miss Hepburn is phenomenal! I can't think of another actress with her depth, range, and poise.

ABCBatz - you're missing the point(s)!

Depth - good lord, about twelve inches.

Range - looks like from 36 GGG to 36 MM

Poise - easy to maintain it with a bra built like the Brooklyn Bridge.

Plus, not only is Sophia tough, she's a genuine, bona fide jailbird. (She did part of a 30-day sentence in Italy for tax evasion, as I recall.)

Audrey was never in the klink.


Audrey for sure!


Audrey Hepburn 100% :)


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