The Tom & Lorenzo Archives: 2006 -2011
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Make Me A Supermodel: Episode 5



Kittens, what with the blog redesign and all, we are so very late on this one. Can you ever forgive us? It was so long ago (in blogtime) that we can barely remember the episode. Bear with us as we try to get the synapses firing again.

Okay, what was this episode about again?



Oh, right. Tyson shows up at an hour far too early for budding supermodels ...


And the bitching begins.


They are all driven down to the docks and shot in the head, gangland style.

Haha! No, not really. But Bravo, feel free to put Shoot Me a Supermodel on next season's lineup. In fact, we can see a whole line of similar Bravo shows, like Shooting the Real Housewives or Shooting the Top Chefs. We smell ratings gold!


Anyway, the challenge is another one of those ridiculously vague MMAS ones: be sexy. Okay, it was more along the lines of "sexual fantasy," but it was still pretty silly.


Although Branden sure loved it. He acted like he got assigned to a porn shoot.


And Laury took the words right out of our mouths. Kudos to her for the best line of the episode. Some commenters have been saying that Colin doesn't talk about his virginity THAT much, he's just edited that way. Obviously, he's talking about enough for the other models to get sick of it.


In other news, Jonathan loves his wife. That's sweet honey, but if you want to be a supermodel - and a male one, at that - then you're going to have to get used to these sorts of shoots. Modeling is the one profession where the male members are objectified more than the female ones.


And we have no complaints about THAT, poodles.

Okay, let's look at the pics:



Sandhurst, Mountaha, Gabriel

We agreed with the judges on this one. It went over the line from fashion shoot to porn shoot.


Salome, Laury, Colin

Not bad. Especially since we're dealing with the Professional Virgin. If anyone looked lost here, it was Miss Mennonite.


Amanda, Jordan, Branden

We thought this was, by far, the best shot, which is a credit to all the models because all three of them wished they were doing something else. It was sexy and it looked like an actual ad campaign.


Kerryn, Jonathan, CJ

We just didn't love this one. Jonathan did alright, but the girls were stiff and awkward. The only reason Jonathan won the go-see was because they had to give it to one of the men (because it was for 2xist) and Colin and Gabriel weren't in the running and as cute as Branden is and as good a model as he is, he just doesn't have an underwear model's body.


And Jonathan CLEARLY does.


Those queens were doing everything they could not to drool.


Gabriel can fill out a pair of briefs pretty damn well, but he's a bit underdeveloped (you need ABS OF DEATH to model 2xist), and for all his love of showing off his underwear, he actually seemed a little uncomfortable modeling it, strangely enough.


And he MUST have been rattled if he left his precious briefs behind. Which reminds us: ew.

Runway time! But before we go there...


Just another reminder that HE'S A JACKASS.

Y'know. In case you forgot



Salome, Colin, Mountaha, Branden


CJ, Sandhurst, Kerryn, Jordan


Gabriel, Laury, Amanda, Jonathan

Jonathan always stands out, Colin is improving, Branden did well, Sandhurst is going nowhere and really needs to step up his game. As for the ladies, Salome's another one that really needs to start working it more, Mountaha's got one of the best walks, and Kerryn really nailed it. She totally deserved the win. The rest of them were completely forgettable.


So forgettable that it was anyone's guess who should go home. We figure they settled on CJ just because it was obvious she needed to go home at SOME point and now was as good a time as any. Besides, her behavior during the photoshoot was ridiculously unprofessional.

Previews, bitches!








[Photos: Josh Kogan/Bravotv.com - Videos: Bravotv.com - Screencaps: Projectrungay.blosgpot.com]


Post a Comment
43 comments:

Well I wondered if you were going to bother anymore. Yes no surprise about the outcome. Eventually Gabe will get theboot. The guy is just too stiff.

Personally I think CJ can become a competent model and actually get some success once she matures some more and develops better scoial survival skills. She is photogenic. For laughs I read the model blogs on the Bravo site and it's clear CJ's problem was that she wasn't meant for the show. She clearly disliked or mistrusted many of the other girls and a couple of guys. She unwisely decided not to pull any punches in her feelings about some of them. It's clear she was extremely unhappy having to deal with so many of the other contestants. Ironically despite how vulgar/bitchy her final thoughts were of the likes of Amanda, Jordan etc, her assessments of some of them echo the sentiments of people on this board.

It made me realize if they did shoot some of these models I wouldn't care. I think that's my issue with this season. I could live with the format changes but I dont give a rat's ass about any of them with the exception of Jonathon or maybe even Brendan.

Last season I was genuinely invested in Ben and Ronnie, Holly and some of the others. Even Perry who I became disenchanted with shows a lot more charisma than many of these aspiring models.

And despite some bickering or tensions, it seems like the S1 models got along better or formed better communal bonds. You had Perry-Casey-Frankie wolfpack, a decent bodning betwqeen msot of the girls and the Bronnie bromance. Even if there were issues, most of the time they were professional enough to work with each other and make an effort.

Guess S2 is just running out of steam for me

FRank


Yes, this episode proved that the photo winners are whoever fits the go-see best. 2xist has no female underwear of any kind, and, as far as I'm concerned, that picture of Jonathan is crap compared to some of the others. (He is by far the most talented of them all, this shot was just lacking.) Still, I am surprised they booked him...2xist usually goes for guys who are a bit beefier (not fatter, more muscular).

I don't really remember tons about this episode either, but Kerryn DEFINITELY deserved it! She is fierce!

I am over most of the people this season though. They should keep Jonathan, Mountaha, Jordan, Kerryn, Laury, and maybe Branden and get rid of the rest. Yawn.


Every episode leaves me missing the antics of the Season One men.

*Heavy Sigh*

Check out my livejournal for updates on what Ronnie Kroell is up to:

http://ibjeannie.livejournal.com/

Jeannie


I thought it was a great episode. The models are getting better and better and thank GOD they got rid of CJ. What an annoying biatch!


anonymous said...
I could live with the format changes but I don't give a rat's ass about any of them with the exception of Jonathan or maybe even Branden.


Jonathan is definitely my favorite but might be a little too old to win the competition. I do hope they pick him, but if they don't, my second choice is Branden. He is so cute and looks great in photos.


Jonathan is SO hot. We need to get them naked and by "them" I mean "Jonathan."

I HATED CJ!!! I don't care how much she talks about how misunderstood she is,.


I assumed (Pollyanna that I am) that they have go-sees lined up for both the boys and the girls and use whichever they have as a winner. The 2(x)ist (or whatever) guys were hilarious, though, with their sweaty palms.

I do adore Brendan. He's just clearly having a blast and taking it as it comes and thanking his lucky stars--that makes for a good character.
The women never seem to have fun, bless their hearts.


I'm getting a little bored with the challenges...The one for this week looks somewhat interesting, if I don't channel surf, then it was at least enough to hold my attention.


Maybe its me but Gabe pings, a lot.


Anonymous said...

Maybe its me but Gabe pings, a lot.


Really? Colin pings so loudly it's deafening. "Virgin," my ass.


There is NO WAY that was the best shot Mountaha, Gabe and Sandherst. They picked that just for the drama. I also felt bad for Branden, not just because he couldn't be in the middle of a girl sandwich, but there was no way he could win best pic if he just had to stand there. And why was Jonathan wearing board shorts when everyone else was dressed like sailors?

Kerryn was great, actually, but I'm surprised they snubbed Jordan. Her pic and her walk were both pretty great.


Oh, and what is this "pinging" you are referring to?


Pinging = "sets off my gaydar."


If this was filmed that close to his cataract surgery, Perou could have just used a sick day instead of struggling to see the models in those recovery glasses.


If Jonathan doesn't win this season, there is something fishy. He is so clearly head and shoulders above everyone (and not just because he looks like an even hotter young Sting). He might be older than some of them, but am I the only one who thinks Branden looks about 25? I would never have pegged him for 18 (until he opened his mouth). Not that I think that's a negative, necessarily ... though I won't go into the male/female age discrimination thing.

CJ? I'm sorry, but what was she doing there to begin with? Not only does she suck, but she's way too short. I mean, I'm 5'5. Can I be a model too?

Gabe? I don't understand the attraction. Is it the vapid expression or the bulimic lollipop head?


As a virgin, I kind of need to speak up. Virginity does not mean asexual. Virgins get horny and have sexual fantasies, and we can sure as hell be sexy and senual if we want to be ;)


Sweet God, those glasses Perou was wearing! I flinched every time he was on screen. More than usual. ;)

Ya know, I had bad feelings about Brendan during the first episode, but I'm liking him more as the weeks go on. It's incredibly sweet how obviously stoked he is to have this opportunity, and how genuinely happy he seems for other model's successes.

Colin is still my nerdcrush though.


Am I the only one who was disgusted by the judges' treatment of Mountana? The Jodie Foster in The Accused comment crossed a line with me. How could they blame her for a photo that was directed by a male photographer and had two male models who got vulgar? They said she didn't have control over them during the shoot. I didn't hear any negative comments to Sandhurst and Gabe, who ruined the photo by mauling her. That's bullshit. And I agree that there had to be better photos from that shoot and they picked that one to have something to compain about.

Blanche


Greencat, I felt the same way. I really thought Branden was going to be some 18-yr old punk. But he's really fun & talented! And his commentary this week was great!

"Douchebag"

He could've been talking about any number of people on the show: Perou, the photographer, CJ, Gabe, Jordan, Nicole, Marlon....

Colin was cute, too! I think he had the best picture after Kerryn & Brandon.


I'm also sick of Jordan. She needs to go next.


potty mouth princess

Laury's really growing on me.

Kerryn's runway was stellar.

But of course, the way this season is structured: shorter taping time, no viewer imput, etc. SCREAMS that Beckford demands a guy win.

Which is why Jonathan is there for our viewing pleasure. I don't generally go for blondes, but DAYUM, I'll break that rule just to sit in the same room and drool at his mostly naked physique.

Did I hear right? He also has a kid? I wish him and his all the best (and hope his wife is a secure woman).

Sandhurst is disappointing me. He moves so well, but his pho-tos (channeling Twiggy) are meh. Heck, Colin's taking better pictures.

I didn't realize CJ was so SHORT! Good riddance, little suburban snob.


Yikes what a bitch the Trunfio, was, did you see her look of guilt when CJ was handed the book.

Cruel, but perhaps we now know the reason for Senior Perou's penchant for fancy hats, the blowhard has a blowhole on the side of his head.
Senior P. seems to take over like he's the head judge, mabye the South African guy is his bitch now?

Also, what is the use of naming Madame Malandrino as a judge if she's never there.

And please, Gabe's ape like walk - makes me bananas!

I agree, there's nobody really to root for, and a couple of girls are so far in the background that you forget they are there.

Phew, that was a lot of typing!


Où est Mlle Malandrino?

Who am I kidding, I don't speak French. I still don't like Perou, but knowing there's (perhaps) a medical reason for those glasses make me feel for him. I'm not completely behind that weird pink think he wore in one episode.

CJ is gorgeous but her attitude/personality on the show is anything but likable. Love Jonathan. For many reasons. Many.


I would so love to swipe Colin's V-card.


No comment on "I'll stick my tongue down their throats" Brenden? That's one scary mofo. He and Perou should be quarantined.


Colin "pings"? Really? Huh. I'd love to hear what TLo have to say about that. Their gaydar is probably pretty well tuned. I do think he rocked the runway this week, for the first time ever. For the pictures, I liked Branden's the best. Probably because he didn't have to act to get that look!


Am I the only one rooting for Sandhurst? OMG, I totally can't take my eyes off of him. I love Colin, too, and Mountaha. They seem by far the most interesting and compelling to me.


I'm also sick of Jordan. She needs to go next.

I liked her at first, but all she seems to do is complain about Amanda. I mean, I'm not a huge Amanda fan, but I don't think she's done anything to warrant such harsh hatred :P


Jordan >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Amanda by so much. Body type or not, she's just so much more tolerable.

It sucks that Gabe is not that good of a model. I'd love for him to stay over that stupid girl. She's such a fucking child it's ridiculous.

I'm loving Kerryn more and more. Mountaha's personality is great, but I don't see her appeal at all. I wish Sandhurst would step it up - he's the one I'd like to see win since Jonathan is clearly too good for the competition. Colin, Jordan, or Kerryn winning would be cool too.


Anonymous said...

Pinging = "sets off my gaydar."


Thank you. Can't believe I never heard that before.


Salome's profile in the photo makes me think of Rue McClanahan.


Sounds like this wasn't such a thrilling ep, aside from Jonathan being all sexy. Guess I picked the right week to go out of town.

Thanks for the recap, gentlemen. Now I don't feel like I missed anything at all.


A friend of mine goes to the same college that Colin is a senior at. Word on the street is that the 21 year old virgin isn't.


bitchybitchybitchy

All I ask from this show is that every episode include at least one shot of Jonathan in his undies.....

It's not too much to ask, not is it, kittens?


Anonymous said...
A friend of mine goes to the same college that Colin is a senior at. Word on the street is that the 21 year old virgin isn't.


Maybe the back door doesn't count?


I thought they were a little hard on Monuntha in judging I thought her walk was good. And as far as the Sandhurst, Gabe,Monuntha shoot I feel that a poor picture was choosen, because during the actual show there was some nice shoots and they were being encouraged by the photographer.


This commment about Perou is the most accruate of any even in the

Cj had an attitude and was not for the show...but WTF are they EVER going to get rid of underwear boy?


ditto to schizophrenic0

celibacy and virginity is not the same as being asexual.


ann


What about the measurements? That girl, Salome, is getting fat, according to model guidelines. I felt a little bit sorry because she looks good, but is her career, so she better follow the model-guidelines.


oh I hate Peru too... what a bitch


I'm really sick of reality contestants saying
"oh MY G-O-D!"

And I couldn't agree with you more, Blanche.
When I heard that Jodie Foster comment I screamed at the teevee.
What a tool.

CJ had to go. What kind of model complains about, how did she put it, "people looking me ?"

Myra Flection


Perou's goggles look like those things that they give you to wear after they dilate your pupils during a visit to the optometrist.


Honestly, if Jonathan is so worried about what wifey is going to think about nearly nude photoshoots with other people, then he needs to take his fake blond ass home to to his skank and brat.





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