We've got work to do, ladies, so roll up your sleeves and hoist up your tits and let's get bitchy:
January Jones in Versace Spring 2009
Kudos to her for finally bringing it because Miss Jones has made some very unfortunate red carpet decisions in the past. We suspect that had a little to do with people's expectations. When she's in costume and in character for Mad Men, she usually looks ridiculously good just because she so embodies what was defined as beautiful for that period. It can be hard for an actress who looks like she belongs in another era to bring it modern style, but for once, she did it. Although we think it looked better with the belt.
Marisa Tomei in Oscar de la Renta Spring 2009
This has been called a disaster by others but to be honest, we didn't hate it. Oh, the sleeves are too puffy and she should have worn half as much jewelry and fired her hairstylist, but it was something different and we applaud that.
Jennifer Lopez in Marchesa Spring 2009
La Diva Loca is back, bitches. THAT is how Jennifer Lopez is supposed to look.
Kristin Scott Thomas in Lanvin
Beautiful, classic and age-appropriate. Can't go wrong with that.
Evan Rachel Wood in Elie Saab Fall 2008 Couture
Black can be pretty dull on the red carpet but this was a standout.
Eva Longoria Parker in Reem Acra
Demi Moore in Christian Dior Spring 2009
A pretty and slightly unusual-looking dress. Big props to her for not going the transparent route.
Christina Applegate in Roberto Cavalli
Pretty but plain. We have this thing about dresses that match the wearer's hair. We don't mind it so much if you have black hair or brown hair. But redheads in orange and blondes in yellow look too monotone to us.
Amy Adams in Oscar de la Renta Spring 2009
Another dress that stands out even though it's in basic black. This frock moved beautifully.
Christina Hendricks wearing Tadashi Shoji
Oh, Christina. This is not doing you any favors and neither is that hairstyle.
America Ferrera in Oscar de la Renta Pre-Fall 2009
It would have looked better in the black.
Kyra Sedgwick wearing Oscar de la Renta
That dress is gorgeous but she looks so brittle and undernourished. Have a burger and a beer, Kyra.
Laura Linney in Elie Saab Spring 2008 Couture
A stunningly beautiful dress that looks fantastic on her but again, we think yellow on a blonde has a washed-out effect. This, in blue, would have looked amazing on her.
Angelina Jolie wearing Atelier Versace
Bitch isn't even trying anymore.
Maggie Gyllenhaal in Lanvin Spring 2009
From The Blanche Devereux Collection at Sears.
Mary Louise Parker in Carlos Miele Spring 2009
A beautiful dress that fits her like a glove. The color looks great on her and on the red carpet even if it's not a color we particularly love.