Ladies and Gentlemen, Project Runway presents a whodunnit.
Our suspects. You'll not find a shadier group of characters.
The Mentor: Kind, stern, wise, hot. But is he hiding something?
The Gay Clown: Sarcastic, biting, talented. Are his sharp words masking something?
The Dumb Stud: Dumb. Thinks he's a stud.
The Skinny Princess: Ethereal, other-worldly, strange. What hidden rage lurks beneath his sunken chest?
Little Miss Perfect: Always right, always on top. What drives this seething engine of ambition?
The Crazy One: Crazy.
Ohmigod, how awesome was this episode? We hadn't seen it in a while and forgot about the high levels of entertainment value and bitchery.
And how fabulously surreal that all this drama, backtalking and sobbing occurred while all the participants were wearing ugly postal uniforms. It's like a really bad premise for a soap opera. The Mail Carriers of Orange County.
"And it's my daughter! *sob! And she has two hands! *choke!* Like these! See? *snff!*"
You know, we'd like to believe that this little display was genuine because the alternative - that she merely used the incident as a way to further fuck with the remaining designers - is frankly, pretty damning.
We're not accusing her of anything. Someone did paint that mustache on her daughter's picture and it wasn't her. We just have a creeping suspicion that she wasn't nearly as emotionally distraught over it as she appeared.
Some readers think we're being harder on Wendy than she deserves but it's not as if we're going off into wild suppositions or armchair psychoanalysis. We're only going by what she's said herself and she's been quite clear that she has absolutely no qualms about exploiting her status as a mother, getting other designers "out of her way," and openly plotting and scheming to bring other designers down. She's been very open about her use of emotional manipulation as a tactic to win a design competition.
Oh puh-leeze, honey. You were all talking behind her back about what a crazy bitch she is every chance you got.
By the way, The Project Runway Lounge? Fugly. It looks like the lobby to a Ramada Inn.
Not that she didn't deserve to be called a crazy bitch. Wendy, as far as we're concerned, has more than earned her reputation. She did not, however, deserve to have her daughter's picture defaced. No matter how you look at it, that's a shitty thing to do.
So who did it? Obviously, we're not in a position to say definitively. Watching the episode, it seemed to us that everyone was genuinely surprised to hear about it and genuinely felt as bad for Wendy as they could, all things considered. We don't think any of the remaining designers did it. It just doesn't feel right.
We think Kevin did it. He was alone in the work room when he packed his things and he, more than anyone, had cause to be angry with her.
Also, we feel the need to point out that we've both read the entire oeuvre of Agatha Christie, which makes us experts on this sort of thing. That Jessica Fletcher bitch has nothing on us.